Hi Everyone,
The past two weeks have been really busy but it has been a fun kind of busy. Two weeks ago, Jeff's brother David's family came to visit. We had a really nice time. We stayed up late chatting with David and Kandie. Kandie and I managed to make a Starbucks run one evening. And I love watching my children and their cousins spend time together and establish close friendships. This is something I did not have with my cousins and I am thankful that my children and their cousins will probably be life-long friends. We enjoyed going to Ankeny Baptist that Sunday night and hearing David's presentation.
The Thursday before Jennifer's birthday we had visitors. Christine Scott and her three JEMS (Jacob, Elijah and Moses Scott) came to visit us for the afternoon and evening. I enjoyed the time with Christine so much. She is a kindred spirit. She brought me the neatest book/journal for those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. It has been very helpful. (Christine is all too familiar with grief herself because her husband died in a car crash a little over three years ago.) Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I am grieving for Barb because she was "only" a friend and not a spouse or child or parent of mine. This book has been very helpful as I work through my sadness and draw closer to the Lord because of it
The next weekend Jennifer had a sleepover for her birthday. She invited four of her little friends. There was a lot of giggling and fun going on. They decorated cupcakes, played dress up, had a scavenger hunt, watched a movie (Gus). Jennifer enjoyed opening her gifts...stuffed animals and dolls...right up her alley. The minor hitch was that the meal was not "little girl friendly" since Jennifer had chosen shepherd pie so we had tons of left overs. They filled up on popcorn while watching the movie so I don't think anyone went to bed hungry. They also actually did some sleeping. I admit I bribed them. I told them if I didn't hear any noise after 11:00pm I would give them all a candybar. Unbelievably, it worked! :-) They were all sound asleep by then.
The next day (May 9) our church had a Mother/Daughter Brunch which was really nice. (Yes, I managed to get six little girls ready!!) The teenage girls modeled wedding dresses that had been worn by some of the ladies in the church.
Mother's Day was extra special this year because it was also Jennifer's eighth birthday. We shared a fun day together. Jeff had the day off so he was able to go to church with us on Sunday morning. We stopped on the way home and picked fried chicken at Walmart so we could accomplish the double goal of me not cooking but also not waiting for ever to be seated at a crowded restaurant. At lunch Jennifer and I opened our gifts and enjoyed the afternoon with the family.
The next Friday (May 15) was Joshua's birthday. (It is always a bit traumatic for me when my firstborn and my "baby" each get a year older, only five days apart from each other.) Josh invited six of his friends. The original plan was that they would go to a nearby park and play Capture the Flag and then come back here for the meal and a movie. However, it rained all day so they ended up staying here and playing Axis and Allies. It was loud and it was funny. This group of boys really "connect" and they feed off each other's jokes and comments. (I kept cracking up in the kitchen as their jokes and funny comments drifted up the stairs from the basement.) After they played A&A, they ate the meal while they watched Flyboys. Josh didn't want to do the singing and opening gifts in front of everything thing (which was Jennifer's favorite part of her party... I guess that is the difference between an extroverted eight year old girl and an introverted seventeen year old boy). He opened his gifts after his friends left and was delighted with what they had chosen. They all obviously know Josh well and know what he likes, which is one step ahead of his mother because I never know what to get him! :-) I should add that at Josh's party we did NOT have leftovers. :-) He chose lasagna and cheesecake for dessert.
Today was the Niche homeschool graduation. We received several invitations and it was special to go see these kids graduate. There were 100 graduates and we probably knew about 1/4 of them (more by name). I admit to tearing up when they marched in. I remember when some of these kids were born!! Tim Newman and Zachary Thompson were two of the graduates that some of you might know. It was also really fun to see old friends after the graduation. I met up with one friend that I had not seen in probably 15+ years (Sara Norris Thompson). It was fun to meet her two little boys, too.
Softball is going fine. It has not been the greatest season as far as winning. Well, Jennifer has won all her games but the other four kids have not won since the first day. But everyone is having a great time. Jeff enjoys coaching, the kids enjoy seeing their friend and I enjoy the adult conversation.
I am including some of you that I do not normally include in my family letters. If you would like to receive them or continue receiving them, let me know. I am making a new list. If you are family or close friends, don't worry about getting back to me. I will assume, rightly or wrongly, :-) that you still want to get these.
I thought some of you might be interested in the blog addresses of Jeff's family members. It is interesting/fun to follow their lives as missionaries in Peru. I compiled them for a friend today and I thought I would paste it here as well. Sarah, I have my in-laws link now.
Steve and Evelyn-- www.paandmastilwell.blogspot.com.
David and Kandie-- http://stilwellsinperu.blogspot.com/
Jon and Julie-- http://www.jonjuliestilwell.blogspot.com/
Steve and Molly-- http://www.stilwellschimbote.blogspot.com/
My heart is heavy tonight for a man that attends Jeff's brothers families sending church. His wife and two young children died in a fire last night. Please pray for him as the Lord brings him to your mind.
I hope all of you are doing well. Have a good Sunday.
Love
Kim
Jeff, Kim, Joshua (17), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Jessica (10) and Jennifer (8) Stilwell
"Failure is not final; it is merely the opportunity to start over again wiser than before."
Author Unknown
Family blog : http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/ Updated last on April 27, 2009
Joshua's website on Godly Young Manhood: http://mightymenofvalor.webs.com/
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
May Niche Article--Gossiping About Our Children
Gossiping about our Children
During the past year or so, I have been very convicted about gossiping about my children. Some of you can probably relate. You are talking with another mom, or group of moms when something someone says makes you think about a struggle you are having with one of your own children and next thing you know you are telling them about Johnny’s anger problem or his inability to tie his shoes at age seven. I have done this often. After all, what Mom doesn’t love talking about her children?
I would be horrified if Jeff went to work and told his co-workers, "Kim has such a gluttony problem. And can you believe she burned supper tonight? Here we have been married for 21 years and she still burns supper sometimes. And you should see how long it takes her to get dressed some mornings! Why, the other day she was still in her PJs at 10:00 in the morning!" (I should hasten to add that Jeff would never dream of talking that way about me to his co-workers.) Yet I have talked like that about my children.
Several things happened in the past few months to convict me that I should not be saying negative things to others about my children. I shared with one friend that I have a child who sometimes has anger issues. I notice that the next time she and her children were at my home, she treated that child differently than she had before. She was not as kind and friendly towards my child. She also seemed to want to keep her children away from this particular child of mine even though my child had never expressed anger towards her children. Since this friend was well liked by all my children, I felt badly that I had put a wedge in their relationship. I have noticed in other situations, as well, that when I say negative things about a particular child, he or she is treated differently.
Another thing that convicted me about gossiping about my children was that a couple of times (that I know of) they have overheard me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were hurt. In talking to them later, I learned that they felt I had betrayed their trust. Even though I apologized to them and they forgave me, it did not take away from the fact that they knew their mom had shared something very personal about them.
The third thing that convicted me about this was when word “got around” that one of my children was afraid of the dark. I had “only” told a couple of people and the next thing I knew, several people knew and my child was teased about it by other children.
Shortly after these things took place, I was reading in James 3: 5-12 in my private devotions. Verses eight and nine especially spoke to me.
But to the tongue can no man tame, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father, therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
That sure was convicting to me. Did I really want my tongue to be “deadly poison” to my children? Did I want to “curse” them, my dear children who made in the image of God.
We are to bless others with our tongue. Our children are not the exception clause. It does not edify either our child or the person we are speaking to when we tell others about our children’s faults and failures.
I try to be very careful not to gossip or speak badly of others. Yet, I was willing to tell even casual acquaintances about sins and struggles in my children’s lives.
There are times when I still visit with other moms, because it is helpful to talk about the not so fun parts of parenting with others who can relate, but I am more vague. Instead of naming a specific child and going into detail about something, I will say things like “I can sure relate, we have had a similar issue at our house” or “Yes, one of my children went through that, too.”
There are a couple of exceptions when I believe it is okay to talk about our children’s struggles. The main one, of course, is our husband. As the head of our family, Jeff should certainly know what is going on in our children’s lives. Since I spend more hours with them, I often see these things before he does and it is important that I keep him abreast of what is going on in our home.
I also have two very dear friends who edify and encourage me and who pray for me regularly. I do share my burdens relating to my children with them and they share theirs with me. I know they will pray for my child and for me and that they will still love my child even if they know of his or her struggles (as I will for their children). I also know they will never tell anyone else about my concerns, except for perhaps their husbands. I have also occasionally needed to talk to Sunday School teachers and others who have been in leadership positions over my children about behavior issues or learning disabilities though I make sure to make it clear that I want it to stay between us.
We want to avoid the opposite extreme as well. While there is nothing wrong with sharing our children’s accomplishments, we need to do it in a humble manner. Most of us have met parents who constantly brag about their children. You came away thinking that their children must be the only children on the earth who could possibly be that intelligent and well behaved. I have been guilty of bragging about my children as well, although, sadly, I usually err on the side of being critical. (Of course there is an exception clause to this and that is Grandparents. You can brag about your children all you want to them and not only will it not bother them. they will love it!)
I would like to close with a verse that has been both convicting and encouraging to me.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
God bless you as you edify your children.
During the past year or so, I have been very convicted about gossiping about my children. Some of you can probably relate. You are talking with another mom, or group of moms when something someone says makes you think about a struggle you are having with one of your own children and next thing you know you are telling them about Johnny’s anger problem or his inability to tie his shoes at age seven. I have done this often. After all, what Mom doesn’t love talking about her children?
I would be horrified if Jeff went to work and told his co-workers, "Kim has such a gluttony problem. And can you believe she burned supper tonight? Here we have been married for 21 years and she still burns supper sometimes. And you should see how long it takes her to get dressed some mornings! Why, the other day she was still in her PJs at 10:00 in the morning!" (I should hasten to add that Jeff would never dream of talking that way about me to his co-workers.) Yet I have talked like that about my children.
Several things happened in the past few months to convict me that I should not be saying negative things to others about my children. I shared with one friend that I have a child who sometimes has anger issues. I notice that the next time she and her children were at my home, she treated that child differently than she had before. She was not as kind and friendly towards my child. She also seemed to want to keep her children away from this particular child of mine even though my child had never expressed anger towards her children. Since this friend was well liked by all my children, I felt badly that I had put a wedge in their relationship. I have noticed in other situations, as well, that when I say negative things about a particular child, he or she is treated differently.
Another thing that convicted me about gossiping about my children was that a couple of times (that I know of) they have overheard me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were hurt. In talking to them later, I learned that they felt I had betrayed their trust. Even though I apologized to them and they forgave me, it did not take away from the fact that they knew their mom had shared something very personal about them.
The third thing that convicted me about this was when word “got around” that one of my children was afraid of the dark. I had “only” told a couple of people and the next thing I knew, several people knew and my child was teased about it by other children.
Shortly after these things took place, I was reading in James 3: 5-12 in my private devotions. Verses eight and nine especially spoke to me.
But to the tongue can no man tame, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father, therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
That sure was convicting to me. Did I really want my tongue to be “deadly poison” to my children? Did I want to “curse” them, my dear children who made in the image of God.
We are to bless others with our tongue. Our children are not the exception clause. It does not edify either our child or the person we are speaking to when we tell others about our children’s faults and failures.
I try to be very careful not to gossip or speak badly of others. Yet, I was willing to tell even casual acquaintances about sins and struggles in my children’s lives.
There are times when I still visit with other moms, because it is helpful to talk about the not so fun parts of parenting with others who can relate, but I am more vague. Instead of naming a specific child and going into detail about something, I will say things like “I can sure relate, we have had a similar issue at our house” or “Yes, one of my children went through that, too.”
There are a couple of exceptions when I believe it is okay to talk about our children’s struggles. The main one, of course, is our husband. As the head of our family, Jeff should certainly know what is going on in our children’s lives. Since I spend more hours with them, I often see these things before he does and it is important that I keep him abreast of what is going on in our home.
I also have two very dear friends who edify and encourage me and who pray for me regularly. I do share my burdens relating to my children with them and they share theirs with me. I know they will pray for my child and for me and that they will still love my child even if they know of his or her struggles (as I will for their children). I also know they will never tell anyone else about my concerns, except for perhaps their husbands. I have also occasionally needed to talk to Sunday School teachers and others who have been in leadership positions over my children about behavior issues or learning disabilities though I make sure to make it clear that I want it to stay between us.
We want to avoid the opposite extreme as well. While there is nothing wrong with sharing our children’s accomplishments, we need to do it in a humble manner. Most of us have met parents who constantly brag about their children. You came away thinking that their children must be the only children on the earth who could possibly be that intelligent and well behaved. I have been guilty of bragging about my children as well, although, sadly, I usually err on the side of being critical. (Of course there is an exception clause to this and that is Grandparents. You can brag about your children all you want to them and not only will it not bother them. they will love it!)
I would like to close with a verse that has been both convicting and encouraging to me.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
God bless you as you edify your children.
Monday, April 27, 2009
A high light of Joshua's Teenpact week (written by Josh)
Josh’s Mathematical Equation
Here’s a math equation worth doing:
1 hearing(TeenPacters) + ties|skirts - noisy zealots = 1 memorable experience
After dodging this for almost three weeks, I’ve decided to sit down and record one of the highlights from my week at TeenPact. It happened Wednesday night. That day during classes, we had been made aware of an opportunity to go to the Iowa House of Representatives and listen in on a hearing for a bill that would do away with the Federal deductibility. Because of my roll as a staffer and my duties at the camp, I just assumed I would not be able to go. However, during supper, the Program Director asked if I would go along. Naturally, I agreed.
Therefore, I got back into my suit and tie, put of my TeenPact nametag and headed out the door. After dividing up into our respective vehicles, we went directly to the capitol. When we got to the floor where the legislatures where located, I was surprised to find an almost eerie atmosphere.
Prior to that day, I had only been at the capitol during the day, usually mid-afternoon when everything was lively and busy. But that evening, the rotunda was almost completely empty. Our footsteps actually echoed in the great room. Over the load speakers, we could hear the seemingly inhuman voice of the Speaker, which was distorted by the electronics.
Our original plan was to go to the galleries located behind the Speaker. However, we soon realized that they were completely full, as were all the other galleries. Therefore, we sent onto the floor and stood behind the representatives.
One by one, people from around the state came up and voiced their opinion on the bill. Many of the students would later comment on how amazed they were to see ordinary people speak before the House. It really made the government feel far less distant than we normal perceive it to be.
After a person would finish speaking the crowd - which was predominantly against the bill - would cheer, hiss, or make their opinion known some way. A couple of time, the Speaker banged his gavel and told the crowd that if they did not remain quiet he would be forced to clear the floor. But the next time around he did nothing expect give another warning.
During the course of the hearing, one of the students had wondered off because he was getting too warm and claustrophobic in the over-crowd chambers. As a staffer, I was sent to find him and make sure he was okay. So, I left the floor and re-entered the eerie rotunda. The only other people there, was the student and a state trooper. While I was out there, I listened to the load speakers. I remember hearing the ravel fall and Speaker announcing that he really was going to clear the floor. Next, I heard a loud uproar from the crowd. The Speaker pounded his gavel, attempting to resort order, but the crowd continued their protest.
I later learned that the local media had reported that the Speaker was forced to call in state troopers to restore order. Well, I have to see the “state troopers get called in.” A man came out of the chamber and asked if the state troopers standing in the hall would come in and help. I found it amusing to see first-hand how things are thrown out of proportion.
While the crowd streamed out, I met up with my fellow TeenPacters. Once we were all together we had a little powwow and discussed the situation. The students decided that, if possible, they would like to stay. Therefore, a call was made to a representative we knew. He agreed to let us in as guests. It was an amazing privilege to be able to hear the rest of the hearing.
When we got back in the vans and headed back, I made a point of reminding my guys that they had just done a wonderful job at representing, not only TeenPact, but Jesus Christ. While, we were at the capitol, several people came up to us and commented on how amazed they were to see young people dressed professionally and involved in government. This allowed us to talk about TeenPact, which then allowed us to talk about Christ. To me, that was the most important part of the entire experience. Through it all, our God was glorified.
Here’s a math equation worth doing:
1 hearing(TeenPacters) + ties|skirts - noisy zealots = 1 memorable experience
After dodging this for almost three weeks, I’ve decided to sit down and record one of the highlights from my week at TeenPact. It happened Wednesday night. That day during classes, we had been made aware of an opportunity to go to the Iowa House of Representatives and listen in on a hearing for a bill that would do away with the Federal deductibility. Because of my roll as a staffer and my duties at the camp, I just assumed I would not be able to go. However, during supper, the Program Director asked if I would go along. Naturally, I agreed.
Therefore, I got back into my suit and tie, put of my TeenPact nametag and headed out the door. After dividing up into our respective vehicles, we went directly to the capitol. When we got to the floor where the legislatures where located, I was surprised to find an almost eerie atmosphere.
Prior to that day, I had only been at the capitol during the day, usually mid-afternoon when everything was lively and busy. But that evening, the rotunda was almost completely empty. Our footsteps actually echoed in the great room. Over the load speakers, we could hear the seemingly inhuman voice of the Speaker, which was distorted by the electronics.
Our original plan was to go to the galleries located behind the Speaker. However, we soon realized that they were completely full, as were all the other galleries. Therefore, we sent onto the floor and stood behind the representatives.
One by one, people from around the state came up and voiced their opinion on the bill. Many of the students would later comment on how amazed they were to see ordinary people speak before the House. It really made the government feel far less distant than we normal perceive it to be.
After a person would finish speaking the crowd - which was predominantly against the bill - would cheer, hiss, or make their opinion known some way. A couple of time, the Speaker banged his gavel and told the crowd that if they did not remain quiet he would be forced to clear the floor. But the next time around he did nothing expect give another warning.
During the course of the hearing, one of the students had wondered off because he was getting too warm and claustrophobic in the over-crowd chambers. As a staffer, I was sent to find him and make sure he was okay. So, I left the floor and re-entered the eerie rotunda. The only other people there, was the student and a state trooper. While I was out there, I listened to the load speakers. I remember hearing the ravel fall and Speaker announcing that he really was going to clear the floor. Next, I heard a loud uproar from the crowd. The Speaker pounded his gavel, attempting to resort order, but the crowd continued their protest.
I later learned that the local media had reported that the Speaker was forced to call in state troopers to restore order. Well, I have to see the “state troopers get called in.” A man came out of the chamber and asked if the state troopers standing in the hall would come in and help. I found it amusing to see first-hand how things are thrown out of proportion.
While the crowd streamed out, I met up with my fellow TeenPacters. Once we were all together we had a little powwow and discussed the situation. The students decided that, if possible, they would like to stay. Therefore, a call was made to a representative we knew. He agreed to let us in as guests. It was an amazing privilege to be able to hear the rest of the hearing.
When we got back in the vans and headed back, I made a point of reminding my guys that they had just done a wonderful job at representing, not only TeenPact, but Jesus Christ. While, we were at the capitol, several people came up to us and commented on how amazed they were to see young people dressed professionally and involved in government. This allowed us to talk about TeenPact, which then allowed us to talk about Christ. To me, that was the most important part of the entire experience. Through it all, our God was glorified.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Niche "Remembering Barb" article
Here is the article I wrote for Niche in Barb's memory. As you can see, I cut and pasted some things from my previous article about her. This was by far the most difficult article I have ever had to write but also one of the most precious.
Remembering Barb Gorman
On March 25, the Lord called one of His own Home to Heaven to be with Him. Barbara Gorman was a faithful friend and a loving wife. She was also the mother of seven children, five of them her biological children, and two children adopted through the foster care system. One of her adopted children and the baby she gave birth to in October, 2007 preceded her in death. Barb was a wonderful example to so many of us as a Christian, wife, mother, friend and homeschooling mom. I know that I am a better wife, mom, friend and Christian for having known her.
In the days following Barb’s Homegoing it became very clear to me how many lives she had touched. Barb and I belonged to the same homeschool group. After her death, many members of our group sent emails through our homeschool e-mail loop sharing stories and memories of Barb. Several of us also gathered together the evening after her death to share memories, cry, laugh and pray together. Over and over I heard special stories about Barb’s life.
I think the most precious story I heard, the evening we gathered together, was about the family who unknowingly brought about Barb’s salvation. Nancy and Stuart Meyer were Barb’s neighbors. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, they would walk to and from church, pushing their babies in the strollers. Barb and her daughters would peek out the windows from behind the curtains and watch this family walk past. It made quite an impression on Barb that the Meyers were so faithful in attending church and eventually this led to her salvation. The most precious part of this story is that Nancy Meyer did not even know this until a week before Barb’s death. Nancy and Peggy Appel were at Barb’s home praying with her and Barb shared the story with Nancy.
I could write a book quoting all the tributes and memories I heard and read about Barb in the days following her Homegoing but since this is supposed to be an article and not a book, I had to choose only a few. I have asked three homeschooling moms for permission to quote them in this article.
Gina Greene shared the following story, “I loved her very much. She was very dear to my kids and me. I will never forget the day we spent together making Italian cookies. We had millions of them. We were trying to figure out all the people we could dump them on-Oh pardon me, I mean all the people we could bless by giving them to! Lots of laughs that day, and frosting everywhere.
There was the time when no one was supposed to know she was pregnant, and I didn't realize it. I blurted the whole thing over the SHEEP email loop....she could have been extremely mad at me, but she just sat there and laughed and laughed when I ‘fessed up.
Then there was the day she went “sledding” across the street with us. It turned out to be a warm day, and it was more like boating. She was such a good sport speeding down the hard icy hill with a huge smile on her face even when she hit the bottom.... which had turned into a deep pond. With water flying all over the place she was drenched and laughed her head off. The kids looked like mud monsters, and we even made foil boats to float in the river we made with the water and snow. We raced them.”
Another homeschooling mom, Mary Dorin, shared this through our email loop the day after Barb’s death, “One thing Barb said clearly in one of our personal e-mails was ‘this is a win-win situation for me.’ She also said, ‘God doesn't waste pain.’ Her hope was so much that she could minister to others through this situation. We all know that she has done that.”
One thing that nearly everyone talked about was Barb’s smile and laughter. One homeschooling Mom even said that she pictures Barb in Heaven giggling with Jesus. Barb had a joyful spirit and it rubbed off on her friends.
The most vivid memory I, personally, have of Barb was at her baby Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
No matter what tragedy she was going through in her own life, Barb reached out to others. I remember the day of Faith’s funeral, she asked me if I was okay. She knew I had lost several babies and thought perhaps attending a funeral of a baby would bring back thoughts of my own sad losses. I remember being sweetly touched that, on one of the saddest days of her life, she was concerned about me.
Sarah Heywood shared yet another touching story about the day of Faith’s funeral, “Our due dates were 4 days apart in 2007. We were both expecting very long-awaited and prayed for babies. Throughout our pregnancies we compared notes and bellies. I'll never forget at little Faith's funeral slinking in, trying to hide my big belly because I felt so bad that my baby was alive and her's was not. But the time came that I needed to greet Barb and Chris and I half expected Barb to burst into tears at the sight of my very pregnant self. But she gave me the biggest smile, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and proceeded to tell those around me that I was expecting a baby boy who would be here in just a week! I know she was hurting but she put her sadness aside to focus on my happiness. That's the kind of person Barb was. It gives me great joy to know that today, she's holding her precious baby.”
The verse “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might” certainly applied to Barb. She threw herself wholeheartedly into every endeavor whether it was homeschooling, organizing, gardening, scrap booking, living a healthy lifestyle, and most importantly of all striving to live a life that would be pleasing to her Lord and Savior. If Barb knew I was writing an article about her, I know, for a fact, she would not want me to make her appear perfect. She was very open and transparent about her weaknesses.
I not only lost a dear friend but also a wonderful editor. I could not write these articles if it were not for my editors. I have been so thankful for my two “main” editors, Barb and Sarah Heywood who have faithfully edited these articles every month in spite of their busy lives as homeschooling moms. Throughout the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling are atrocious. Barb caught my grammar and spelling errors and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles better. She nearly always gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This is the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. Even as I am writing this article about her, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
Barb was an optimist. Clear to the end, she hoped for a cure and prayed for a miracle. As Pastor Ropp said at her funeral, God answered her prayer by healing her-not in the way that we had hoped- but by giving Barb ultimate healing.
I would be remiss not to mention Barb’s husband Chris. A few weeks before her death she sent me an email that included the following statement about her husband, “He has stood by me and supported me and helped me through things no family should have to go through. He is a blessing from God. I try to thank God and him each day.” At the end of the email that Chris sent out after Barb’s death he wrote, “No matter the outcome, we have decided to praise Him!”
A week and a half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I could barely hear her. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, Jean- 24, Sally-22, Andrew-11, Jeremiah -7, and Ruth, their 6 year old adopted daughter. We talked about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
My wise, Godly father-in-law had a heart attack last summer and for awhile we thought we might lose him. One thing he said was, “When I go, it will be because I have done all the work that my God had planned for me to do.” As difficult as it may be for us to understand why the Lord would take a young mother who still had young children at home, we know that her work here on this earth was done. She had accomplished what the Lord sent her to do.
At the end of Barb’s emails there was a quote. “God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good.” Though she had more trials in her nearly 43 years of life than most people have in an 80 year lifetime, she lived her life by this quote.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time it will be in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer and no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been! Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
Remembering Barb Gorman
On March 25, the Lord called one of His own Home to Heaven to be with Him. Barbara Gorman was a faithful friend and a loving wife. She was also the mother of seven children, five of them her biological children, and two children adopted through the foster care system. One of her adopted children and the baby she gave birth to in October, 2007 preceded her in death. Barb was a wonderful example to so many of us as a Christian, wife, mother, friend and homeschooling mom. I know that I am a better wife, mom, friend and Christian for having known her.
In the days following Barb’s Homegoing it became very clear to me how many lives she had touched. Barb and I belonged to the same homeschool group. After her death, many members of our group sent emails through our homeschool e-mail loop sharing stories and memories of Barb. Several of us also gathered together the evening after her death to share memories, cry, laugh and pray together. Over and over I heard special stories about Barb’s life.
I think the most precious story I heard, the evening we gathered together, was about the family who unknowingly brought about Barb’s salvation. Nancy and Stuart Meyer were Barb’s neighbors. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, they would walk to and from church, pushing their babies in the strollers. Barb and her daughters would peek out the windows from behind the curtains and watch this family walk past. It made quite an impression on Barb that the Meyers were so faithful in attending church and eventually this led to her salvation. The most precious part of this story is that Nancy Meyer did not even know this until a week before Barb’s death. Nancy and Peggy Appel were at Barb’s home praying with her and Barb shared the story with Nancy.
I could write a book quoting all the tributes and memories I heard and read about Barb in the days following her Homegoing but since this is supposed to be an article and not a book, I had to choose only a few. I have asked three homeschooling moms for permission to quote them in this article.
Gina Greene shared the following story, “I loved her very much. She was very dear to my kids and me. I will never forget the day we spent together making Italian cookies. We had millions of them. We were trying to figure out all the people we could dump them on-Oh pardon me, I mean all the people we could bless by giving them to! Lots of laughs that day, and frosting everywhere.
There was the time when no one was supposed to know she was pregnant, and I didn't realize it. I blurted the whole thing over the SHEEP email loop....she could have been extremely mad at me, but she just sat there and laughed and laughed when I ‘fessed up.
Then there was the day she went “sledding” across the street with us. It turned out to be a warm day, and it was more like boating. She was such a good sport speeding down the hard icy hill with a huge smile on her face even when she hit the bottom.... which had turned into a deep pond. With water flying all over the place she was drenched and laughed her head off. The kids looked like mud monsters, and we even made foil boats to float in the river we made with the water and snow. We raced them.”
Another homeschooling mom, Mary Dorin, shared this through our email loop the day after Barb’s death, “One thing Barb said clearly in one of our personal e-mails was ‘this is a win-win situation for me.’ She also said, ‘God doesn't waste pain.’ Her hope was so much that she could minister to others through this situation. We all know that she has done that.”
One thing that nearly everyone talked about was Barb’s smile and laughter. One homeschooling Mom even said that she pictures Barb in Heaven giggling with Jesus. Barb had a joyful spirit and it rubbed off on her friends.
The most vivid memory I, personally, have of Barb was at her baby Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
No matter what tragedy she was going through in her own life, Barb reached out to others. I remember the day of Faith’s funeral, she asked me if I was okay. She knew I had lost several babies and thought perhaps attending a funeral of a baby would bring back thoughts of my own sad losses. I remember being sweetly touched that, on one of the saddest days of her life, she was concerned about me.
Sarah Heywood shared yet another touching story about the day of Faith’s funeral, “Our due dates were 4 days apart in 2007. We were both expecting very long-awaited and prayed for babies. Throughout our pregnancies we compared notes and bellies. I'll never forget at little Faith's funeral slinking in, trying to hide my big belly because I felt so bad that my baby was alive and her's was not. But the time came that I needed to greet Barb and Chris and I half expected Barb to burst into tears at the sight of my very pregnant self. But she gave me the biggest smile, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and proceeded to tell those around me that I was expecting a baby boy who would be here in just a week! I know she was hurting but she put her sadness aside to focus on my happiness. That's the kind of person Barb was. It gives me great joy to know that today, she's holding her precious baby.”
The verse “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might” certainly applied to Barb. She threw herself wholeheartedly into every endeavor whether it was homeschooling, organizing, gardening, scrap booking, living a healthy lifestyle, and most importantly of all striving to live a life that would be pleasing to her Lord and Savior. If Barb knew I was writing an article about her, I know, for a fact, she would not want me to make her appear perfect. She was very open and transparent about her weaknesses.
I not only lost a dear friend but also a wonderful editor. I could not write these articles if it were not for my editors. I have been so thankful for my two “main” editors, Barb and Sarah Heywood who have faithfully edited these articles every month in spite of their busy lives as homeschooling moms. Throughout the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling are atrocious. Barb caught my grammar and spelling errors and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles better. She nearly always gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This is the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. Even as I am writing this article about her, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
Barb was an optimist. Clear to the end, she hoped for a cure and prayed for a miracle. As Pastor Ropp said at her funeral, God answered her prayer by healing her-not in the way that we had hoped- but by giving Barb ultimate healing.
I would be remiss not to mention Barb’s husband Chris. A few weeks before her death she sent me an email that included the following statement about her husband, “He has stood by me and supported me and helped me through things no family should have to go through. He is a blessing from God. I try to thank God and him each day.” At the end of the email that Chris sent out after Barb’s death he wrote, “No matter the outcome, we have decided to praise Him!”
A week and a half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I could barely hear her. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, Jean- 24, Sally-22, Andrew-11, Jeremiah -7, and Ruth, their 6 year old adopted daughter. We talked about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
My wise, Godly father-in-law had a heart attack last summer and for awhile we thought we might lose him. One thing he said was, “When I go, it will be because I have done all the work that my God had planned for me to do.” As difficult as it may be for us to understand why the Lord would take a young mother who still had young children at home, we know that her work here on this earth was done. She had accomplished what the Lord sent her to do.
At the end of Barb’s emails there was a quote. “God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good.” Though she had more trials in her nearly 43 years of life than most people have in an 80 year lifetime, she lived her life by this quote.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time it will be in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer and no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been! Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Remembering Barb Gorman
My friend, Barb Gorman, went to be with the Lord yesterday. Late last night when I could not sleep, I wrote this about her. The previous post is an article I wrote after the Gorman's baby girl passed away in October 2007.
Remembering Barb
Rarely do I check email in the middle of the day...especially on my busiest day of the week. But yesterday, Wednesday, March 25, when I came down to the basement to get a school book "something" led me to check my email. There was an email from Barb's husband Chris saying that she had passed away less than an hour before. I sat there in stunned silence because my mind did not want to grasp the truth. Eventually, I made my way upstairs and told the children. That is when the tears came. We did not have any more school that day.
I remember the first time I met Barb. It was at a Sheep meeting (my homeschool ladies group). We were in the same small prayer group and she had recently begun homeschooling her boys. I remember thinking how beautiful she was with her long wavy hair and her smooth skin. I was amazed to learn she had two young adult daughters. She looked far too young to have children that old.
I did not get to know Barb well until she after one of her miscarriages. Since I had, had several miscarriages we had something in common and were able to share heartache and experiences.
I will always remember the day Barb showed up at my door to loan me a stack full of books from her wonderful library. I was delighted, shocked and surprised to see that she was visibly pregnant. We had not actually seen each other for awhile, though we had spoken on the phone and by email, and she surprised me with the fact that she had successfully carried a baby long enough to be able to wear maternity clothes!
Sadly, Barb’s little Faith Evangeline did not survive to birth. Remembering how much it hurt me when people avoided me after we lost our babies, I called her the day after Faith died. We talked for a long time and she shared with me later how much it helped her to talk about it. I remember thinking that the positive side that had come out of losing all my babies was that I understood and could truly empathize when someone else went through the same thing.
The most vivid memory I have of Barb was at Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
After little Faith’s funeral, everyone was invited to the Gorman’s house for a meal. Barb shared with me how she had felt she needed more time with little Faith and how gracious those at the funeral home had been about that. She had been able to go to the funeral home the morning of the funeral and hold and rock little Faith and spend some final moments alone with her.
A few weeks after Faith’s death, Barb learned that she had cancer. This time, I felt completely helpless. I knew what to say to a friend who looses a baby. I didn’t have a clue what to say when someone has cancer. I felt that I was not “there” for her in the way I had been when she lost her babies. Yes, I emailed and sent notes and chatted with her when we saw each other, but I just didn’t feel that I was truly the friend to her that I had been before. I just didn’t know what to say or do.
Yet, a week and half before her death, she shared with me how God had sent different people into her life at just the right time. While the Lord has used me to encourage her after Faith died, He used others when she became so ill. It brought me great comfort to hear her say that.
I write articles for a homeschool newsletter and Barb was one of my editors. Through the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling is atrocious. Barb was wonderful. She caught all my mistakes and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles more clear. She also gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This month I will be sending in the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. This may sound strange, but even as I write this, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
I don’t know whether Barb liked those questionnaires you get by email as much as I did or if she filled them out to be nice but she nearly always returned them. It was fun to learn little things about her that I would have never thought to ask her otherwise. Those questionnaires are the kind that you usually read and delete but how I wish now that I had saved the one’s from Barb.
One thing I will always remember about Barb is how “others oriented” she was. No matter what was going on in her life…a miscarriage, Faith’s death, her cancer…she was always concerned about my life. She always asked about my family and how we were doing. Even during our last phone call, she asked how I was doing.
A week and half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I had to go to my room and shut the door and put my finger in my other ear. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer, no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been. Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
Remembering Barb
Rarely do I check email in the middle of the day...especially on my busiest day of the week. But yesterday, Wednesday, March 25, when I came down to the basement to get a school book "something" led me to check my email. There was an email from Barb's husband Chris saying that she had passed away less than an hour before. I sat there in stunned silence because my mind did not want to grasp the truth. Eventually, I made my way upstairs and told the children. That is when the tears came. We did not have any more school that day.
I remember the first time I met Barb. It was at a Sheep meeting (my homeschool ladies group). We were in the same small prayer group and she had recently begun homeschooling her boys. I remember thinking how beautiful she was with her long wavy hair and her smooth skin. I was amazed to learn she had two young adult daughters. She looked far too young to have children that old.
I did not get to know Barb well until she after one of her miscarriages. Since I had, had several miscarriages we had something in common and were able to share heartache and experiences.
I will always remember the day Barb showed up at my door to loan me a stack full of books from her wonderful library. I was delighted, shocked and surprised to see that she was visibly pregnant. We had not actually seen each other for awhile, though we had spoken on the phone and by email, and she surprised me with the fact that she had successfully carried a baby long enough to be able to wear maternity clothes!
Sadly, Barb’s little Faith Evangeline did not survive to birth. Remembering how much it hurt me when people avoided me after we lost our babies, I called her the day after Faith died. We talked for a long time and she shared with me later how much it helped her to talk about it. I remember thinking that the positive side that had come out of losing all my babies was that I understood and could truly empathize when someone else went through the same thing.
The most vivid memory I have of Barb was at Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
After little Faith’s funeral, everyone was invited to the Gorman’s house for a meal. Barb shared with me how she had felt she needed more time with little Faith and how gracious those at the funeral home had been about that. She had been able to go to the funeral home the morning of the funeral and hold and rock little Faith and spend some final moments alone with her.
A few weeks after Faith’s death, Barb learned that she had cancer. This time, I felt completely helpless. I knew what to say to a friend who looses a baby. I didn’t have a clue what to say when someone has cancer. I felt that I was not “there” for her in the way I had been when she lost her babies. Yes, I emailed and sent notes and chatted with her when we saw each other, but I just didn’t feel that I was truly the friend to her that I had been before. I just didn’t know what to say or do.
Yet, a week and half before her death, she shared with me how God had sent different people into her life at just the right time. While the Lord has used me to encourage her after Faith died, He used others when she became so ill. It brought me great comfort to hear her say that.
I write articles for a homeschool newsletter and Barb was one of my editors. Through the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling is atrocious. Barb was wonderful. She caught all my mistakes and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles more clear. She also gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This month I will be sending in the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. This may sound strange, but even as I write this, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
I don’t know whether Barb liked those questionnaires you get by email as much as I did or if she filled them out to be nice but she nearly always returned them. It was fun to learn little things about her that I would have never thought to ask her otherwise. Those questionnaires are the kind that you usually read and delete but how I wish now that I had saved the one’s from Barb.
One thing I will always remember about Barb is how “others oriented” she was. No matter what was going on in her life…a miscarriage, Faith’s death, her cancer…she was always concerned about my life. She always asked about my family and how we were doing. Even during our last phone call, she asked how I was doing.
A week and half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I had to go to my room and shut the door and put my finger in my other ear. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer, no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been. Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
Article written the evening of Faith Evangeline's funeral in October 2007
“Rejoice with them that do rejoice and weep with them that weep.” Romans 13:15
I had another article already written for this month’s column. In fact, I was just ready to send it to my friends who edit for me. After fighting insomnia for over an hour, I finally gave up and came down here to write the article that was on my heart.
My heart is heavy tonight for a dear family in my homeschool group who buried a sweet little baby girl today. The mother’s sweet, sad, beautiful face comes into my mind every time I close my eyes. Having been through a similar experience myself, the funeral was an especially emotional experience as I not only grieved for this family but also remembered my own loss as well.
“That is very sad,” You are probably thinking. “But what does that have to do with homeschooling?”
What I saw at the funeral today had everything to do with homeschooling. As homeschooling families, we often have opportunity to “rejoice with those who rejoice” but how sweet and precious it is to also “weep with those who weep.” This was very evident during the funeral as many shed tears over the Homegoing of little Faith Evangeline. Big strong men wept right along with their wives.
After the funeral there was a reception at the family’s home. At the reception, I chatted with other homeschooling moms. We talked about sorrows we had in our own lives. We talked about the usual homeschool subjects such as curriculum and new ideas we are implementing this year. Another homeschooling mom asked me gently how I was doing with a sin issue that I had shared with her some time ago and I was touched that she remembered and cared enough to ask . What really touched my heart, though, was the way the homeschool community gathered around the bereaved family, supporting them during this very difficult time. Homeschooling moms brought food, sent emails for the family, gave the sweet, grieving mother multiple hugs and, in short, did everything they could to support the family.
Even though homeschooling moms are some of the busiest women in the world, many of them seem to be able to take the time to reach out to others. They seem to reach out to others not only with minor concerns such as “What curriculum do I use this year?” but also with sad tragedies like the loss of a little one.
Our family has had one on-going struggle for many years of our homeschooling. Each time I have attended our local homeschool group, I have shared the same prayer request with my small group. Instead of rolling their eyes and thinking, “Oh brother, she has shared that same request for the past how many years?” they support and encourage me in this difficult situation.
As I saw everyone gather around to help this grieving family today, I asked myself if I encourage other homeschooling mothers. Am I so wrapped up in my own little homeschooling world that I forget that other homeschooling moms out there are struggling as well? Do I encourage my homeschooling friends either by word or deed? When another homeschooling mother gets done talking to me is she encouraged to continue her homeschooling endeavor or does she feel exactly as she did when the conversation started? Worse yet, does she feel more discouraged than ever?
One doesn’t have to belong to a support group to help other homeschooling families. Just an encouraging word on the phone or by email can mean the world to someone. The most encouraging conversations I have had have been in a one-on-one setting with another mom.
There are seasons in homeschooling when others especially need encouragement. The first year of homeschooling is nearly always met with at least a bit of fear and trepidation. After a new baby is born, homeschooling the other children can be a real challenge. After the loss of a loved one, it can be emotionally draining to try to school the children. Sometimes a family member becomes ill. On a more minor scale, my oldest started high school. I had some concerns about whether or not we were doing everything “right.” Several friends who have been through this already helped to put my mind at ease.
What are some practical ways we can help other homeschooling families? Here are some that came to my mind.
1. First and foremost, we homeschoolers need to be in constant prayer for each other. There are times when homeschooling can be a very difficult thing, especially when going through a trying time or when there are friends and family members who are not supportive of homeschooling.
2. Take a meal to a family who is going through an especially tough time such as an illness, loss of a loved one, has someone in the hospital or has just had a new baby.
3. Listen, listen, listen. Often another homeschooling mom just needs to talk. More likely than not, she does not need a lot of advice but just needs someone to listen to her concerns. In fact, even though I have been homeschooling my children for ten years, I have learned never to give advice unless someone specifically asks. The Lord leads each homeschooling family in different ways and what works for one, may not work for the other.
4. Be an example of compassion to your children. Have them help to prepare a meal to take to another family. Perhaps they could make cards for the children in the family when they have gone through a difficult time.
5. Be patient. Perhaps someone comes to you with the same problem over and over again. Keep listening. Keep praying. As I mentioned before, I have shared the same specific prayer request with my homeschooling friends for years and they continue to support me. This encourages me so much.
6. Send encouraging notes.
There are also times when we can rejoice with our fellow homeschoolers. A few examples would be when a new baby is born, when a particular homeschooling hurdle has been overcome, when a broken marriage is healed or when a child graduates.
I don’t know about you but sometimes it is almost easier for me to “weep with those who weep” than it is for me to “rejoice with those who rejoice”. When something wonderful happens to someone, I tend to think “Oh, that is nice,” and then go on with my own life instead of taking the time to call them and send them a note to share in their happiness.
Occasionally, I even struggle a bit with jealousy when something nice happens to someone else. When another homeschooling family has found the big house of their dreams out in the country (which happens to be a desire of mine), it has been easy for me to covet instead of rejoicing with them. When I was going through years of longing for more children only to have one miscarriage after another, it was hard to rejoice with the homeschooling moms who had baby after baby with no problem whatsoever. However, when I really thought about it, I realize that my attitude was ungodly and unbiblical. Instead of coveting, I should have been rejoicing in the blessings of my fellow homeschoolers.
You may have noticed that I have used the word “encourage” over and over again in this article. That is usually a “no-no” for writers, but in this case I thought it was very important to emphasize that word. The best thing we can do for our fellow homeschooler, next to prayer is to encourage each other.
I would like to dedicate this article to the memory of little Faith Evangeline Gorman and in honor of her mother who exemplifies so much of what was written in this article.
I had another article already written for this month’s column. In fact, I was just ready to send it to my friends who edit for me. After fighting insomnia for over an hour, I finally gave up and came down here to write the article that was on my heart.
My heart is heavy tonight for a dear family in my homeschool group who buried a sweet little baby girl today. The mother’s sweet, sad, beautiful face comes into my mind every time I close my eyes. Having been through a similar experience myself, the funeral was an especially emotional experience as I not only grieved for this family but also remembered my own loss as well.
“That is very sad,” You are probably thinking. “But what does that have to do with homeschooling?”
What I saw at the funeral today had everything to do with homeschooling. As homeschooling families, we often have opportunity to “rejoice with those who rejoice” but how sweet and precious it is to also “weep with those who weep.” This was very evident during the funeral as many shed tears over the Homegoing of little Faith Evangeline. Big strong men wept right along with their wives.
After the funeral there was a reception at the family’s home. At the reception, I chatted with other homeschooling moms. We talked about sorrows we had in our own lives. We talked about the usual homeschool subjects such as curriculum and new ideas we are implementing this year. Another homeschooling mom asked me gently how I was doing with a sin issue that I had shared with her some time ago and I was touched that she remembered and cared enough to ask . What really touched my heart, though, was the way the homeschool community gathered around the bereaved family, supporting them during this very difficult time. Homeschooling moms brought food, sent emails for the family, gave the sweet, grieving mother multiple hugs and, in short, did everything they could to support the family.
Even though homeschooling moms are some of the busiest women in the world, many of them seem to be able to take the time to reach out to others. They seem to reach out to others not only with minor concerns such as “What curriculum do I use this year?” but also with sad tragedies like the loss of a little one.
Our family has had one on-going struggle for many years of our homeschooling. Each time I have attended our local homeschool group, I have shared the same prayer request with my small group. Instead of rolling their eyes and thinking, “Oh brother, she has shared that same request for the past how many years?” they support and encourage me in this difficult situation.
As I saw everyone gather around to help this grieving family today, I asked myself if I encourage other homeschooling mothers. Am I so wrapped up in my own little homeschooling world that I forget that other homeschooling moms out there are struggling as well? Do I encourage my homeschooling friends either by word or deed? When another homeschooling mother gets done talking to me is she encouraged to continue her homeschooling endeavor or does she feel exactly as she did when the conversation started? Worse yet, does she feel more discouraged than ever?
One doesn’t have to belong to a support group to help other homeschooling families. Just an encouraging word on the phone or by email can mean the world to someone. The most encouraging conversations I have had have been in a one-on-one setting with another mom.
There are seasons in homeschooling when others especially need encouragement. The first year of homeschooling is nearly always met with at least a bit of fear and trepidation. After a new baby is born, homeschooling the other children can be a real challenge. After the loss of a loved one, it can be emotionally draining to try to school the children. Sometimes a family member becomes ill. On a more minor scale, my oldest started high school. I had some concerns about whether or not we were doing everything “right.” Several friends who have been through this already helped to put my mind at ease.
What are some practical ways we can help other homeschooling families? Here are some that came to my mind.
1. First and foremost, we homeschoolers need to be in constant prayer for each other. There are times when homeschooling can be a very difficult thing, especially when going through a trying time or when there are friends and family members who are not supportive of homeschooling.
2. Take a meal to a family who is going through an especially tough time such as an illness, loss of a loved one, has someone in the hospital or has just had a new baby.
3. Listen, listen, listen. Often another homeschooling mom just needs to talk. More likely than not, she does not need a lot of advice but just needs someone to listen to her concerns. In fact, even though I have been homeschooling my children for ten years, I have learned never to give advice unless someone specifically asks. The Lord leads each homeschooling family in different ways and what works for one, may not work for the other.
4. Be an example of compassion to your children. Have them help to prepare a meal to take to another family. Perhaps they could make cards for the children in the family when they have gone through a difficult time.
5. Be patient. Perhaps someone comes to you with the same problem over and over again. Keep listening. Keep praying. As I mentioned before, I have shared the same specific prayer request with my homeschooling friends for years and they continue to support me. This encourages me so much.
6. Send encouraging notes.
There are also times when we can rejoice with our fellow homeschoolers. A few examples would be when a new baby is born, when a particular homeschooling hurdle has been overcome, when a broken marriage is healed or when a child graduates.
I don’t know about you but sometimes it is almost easier for me to “weep with those who weep” than it is for me to “rejoice with those who rejoice”. When something wonderful happens to someone, I tend to think “Oh, that is nice,” and then go on with my own life instead of taking the time to call them and send them a note to share in their happiness.
Occasionally, I even struggle a bit with jealousy when something nice happens to someone else. When another homeschooling family has found the big house of their dreams out in the country (which happens to be a desire of mine), it has been easy for me to covet instead of rejoicing with them. When I was going through years of longing for more children only to have one miscarriage after another, it was hard to rejoice with the homeschooling moms who had baby after baby with no problem whatsoever. However, when I really thought about it, I realize that my attitude was ungodly and unbiblical. Instead of coveting, I should have been rejoicing in the blessings of my fellow homeschoolers.
You may have noticed that I have used the word “encourage” over and over again in this article. That is usually a “no-no” for writers, but in this case I thought it was very important to emphasize that word. The best thing we can do for our fellow homeschooler, next to prayer is to encourage each other.
I would like to dedicate this article to the memory of little Faith Evangeline Gorman and in honor of her mother who exemplifies so much of what was written in this article.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Joshua's report about his college/ministry trip
College Trip Report
The sky still dark, I awoke at 5:20 am, quickly dressed myself and packed last-minute essentials. Next thing I knew, I was out the door. I was preparing to go on a college trip that would take me to Pacific Garden Missions, Shepherds and Maranatha Baptist College. Seven other teens would be going on the trips as well, in addition to my pastor and his wife. The attendance evenly divided between guys and girls. I spent the first leg of the trip primarily sleeping in an attempt to make up for the lack of sleep I had received the night before. This was a dismal failure.
While traveling, a rather annoying Tom Tom mechanically spouted out direction. We arrived at Chicago early that afternoon. Our tour of PGM did not begin until three o’clock so we decided to take a bus to Navy Pier. I decided very quickly that I hate Chicago bus rides. It was while driving through Chicago that I prophesied that we would die in the van.
We all had a wonderful time at Navy Pier. There were several private yachts docked along the Pier. One even came with its own helicopter. While there were visited a building which archived and displayed things like drug activity and stain glass windows. There, some of the guys amused themselves by running up the down escalator.
When we returned to Pacific Garden Missions a guide by the name of Kent gave us a tour. Kent is possibly the most enthusiastic people I’ve ever met. Between every single sentence, he would say, “Amen?” and ask that we respond in form. So the tour went something like this, “This is where our overnight guests stay. Amen? It can house anywhere from zero to 3000 people. Amen?” His upbeat attitude got us all excited. When we left PGM, Kent stopped us at the door and prayed with us, on the stop and right in the middle of the hall. He was a great encouragement to each one of us.
After the tour, we got to see an episode of their radio broadcast, Unshackled!, being recorded. After this, we had an amazing meal of meat and mashed potatoes. After leaving, we followed the Tom Tom’s directions to Bethel Baptist Church where we would be spending the night. The associate pastor took us into the gym. We were all impressed by its size and quality. When we commented on this, the associate pastor causally said, “Oh yeah, this is our middle gym. We just got it replaced by a bigger one.” What was big to us was small to them. What else would you expect from Iowans visiting Chicago? So we spent the evening playing basketball and dodgeball.
That night we slept on the floor of one of the classrooms in Bethel’s Christian school. This made me slightly nervous. I was tired. The night before I had gotten very little sleep and the traveling only made me more tired. I wasn’t sure I could survive the rest few days with so little rest. But my God is the one of created the concept of rest, so I prayed to Him and asked my Father to give the strength to get through the week. In twenty minutes, I was out like a light. I don’t even fall asleep that fast home! I praise my Lord for taking care of His servants even in the mundane things of life.
The next day we attended the Sunday school and church services. Both were very God-honoring and thought provoking. The people were very friendly, something I did not expect from a church that size. After the service, we went to a restaurant called Texas de Brazil. At your request, carvers would come with big slabs of meat and serve them to you. Everything from beef and to pork to lamb was available. That was when I realized that I wouldn’t last a day as a vegetarian.
And so, we left for Shepherds, a home for the mentally disabled. We were suppose to sing in their chapel, but they ended up not having the service because the flu was going around and the staff wanted to keep it contained. Therefore, we made our way over to the place where we would be staying. The home was very nice. It had a ping-pong table, an already stocked freezer, three bedrooms, a living room, a separate dining room and more space than we knew what to do with. That night, we had our own little church service. We discussed the previous day. I taught them all to play missionary madness. We had a great time doing that.
The next morning we got up bright and early and went an orientation at Shepherds. Directly afterward, we went to help out at Shepherds Enterprises, where many of the residents work. It was my job to put together boxes. There was this machine that would dispense tape to hold the boxes together. Apparently, this machine had some sort of issue against me. It kept slitting out tiny, little pieces for me. But when the other guy making boxes would come over (he was one of the residents) the machine would give him a nice long piece. Of course, he got a real kick out of that.
After lunch, we headed to Maranatha. There, we received a tour of the campus. That night, after a wonderful supper, we attended an event run by a student group called X-Caliber. X-Cal is an improvised comedy group. We had a great time watching their antics.
That night we stayed in the dorms. One of my favorite parts of that time there was the devotional all the men on the floor had. They sang, prayed and discussed the day’s chapel service. I had kind of interesting experience with the people staying in my dorm. There were three students there. One of them pretty much ignored me. My interaction with the second student was primarily just polite small talk. However, the third one won’t stop talking to me. It was interesting to get all these different reactions.
The next morning, I attended three classes. One was on Biblical exposition. I found that one to be very practical. Many of the things talk in that class were very useful. The second was on church safety. I had to miss out on the last few minutes of that class because I had a meeting with one of the professors. He helpfully explained a bit about the college and what all went into being a student at Maranatha. The final class was on apologetics. That one was very interesting. The man who taught the class was something of a genius. The entire class was very thought provoking.
Soon after the apologetics class, we left Maranatha. Six hours later, we were pulling in at the church. That’s essentially my trip in a nutshell. I’m very grateful that I could go and for all that my Lord taught me.
The sky still dark, I awoke at 5:20 am, quickly dressed myself and packed last-minute essentials. Next thing I knew, I was out the door. I was preparing to go on a college trip that would take me to Pacific Garden Missions, Shepherds and Maranatha Baptist College. Seven other teens would be going on the trips as well, in addition to my pastor and his wife. The attendance evenly divided between guys and girls. I spent the first leg of the trip primarily sleeping in an attempt to make up for the lack of sleep I had received the night before. This was a dismal failure.
While traveling, a rather annoying Tom Tom mechanically spouted out direction. We arrived at Chicago early that afternoon. Our tour of PGM did not begin until three o’clock so we decided to take a bus to Navy Pier. I decided very quickly that I hate Chicago bus rides. It was while driving through Chicago that I prophesied that we would die in the van.
We all had a wonderful time at Navy Pier. There were several private yachts docked along the Pier. One even came with its own helicopter. While there were visited a building which archived and displayed things like drug activity and stain glass windows. There, some of the guys amused themselves by running up the down escalator.
When we returned to Pacific Garden Missions a guide by the name of Kent gave us a tour. Kent is possibly the most enthusiastic people I’ve ever met. Between every single sentence, he would say, “Amen?” and ask that we respond in form. So the tour went something like this, “This is where our overnight guests stay. Amen? It can house anywhere from zero to 3000 people. Amen?” His upbeat attitude got us all excited. When we left PGM, Kent stopped us at the door and prayed with us, on the stop and right in the middle of the hall. He was a great encouragement to each one of us.
After the tour, we got to see an episode of their radio broadcast, Unshackled!, being recorded. After this, we had an amazing meal of meat and mashed potatoes. After leaving, we followed the Tom Tom’s directions to Bethel Baptist Church where we would be spending the night. The associate pastor took us into the gym. We were all impressed by its size and quality. When we commented on this, the associate pastor causally said, “Oh yeah, this is our middle gym. We just got it replaced by a bigger one.” What was big to us was small to them. What else would you expect from Iowans visiting Chicago? So we spent the evening playing basketball and dodgeball.
That night we slept on the floor of one of the classrooms in Bethel’s Christian school. This made me slightly nervous. I was tired. The night before I had gotten very little sleep and the traveling only made me more tired. I wasn’t sure I could survive the rest few days with so little rest. But my God is the one of created the concept of rest, so I prayed to Him and asked my Father to give the strength to get through the week. In twenty minutes, I was out like a light. I don’t even fall asleep that fast home! I praise my Lord for taking care of His servants even in the mundane things of life.
The next day we attended the Sunday school and church services. Both were very God-honoring and thought provoking. The people were very friendly, something I did not expect from a church that size. After the service, we went to a restaurant called Texas de Brazil. At your request, carvers would come with big slabs of meat and serve them to you. Everything from beef and to pork to lamb was available. That was when I realized that I wouldn’t last a day as a vegetarian.
And so, we left for Shepherds, a home for the mentally disabled. We were suppose to sing in their chapel, but they ended up not having the service because the flu was going around and the staff wanted to keep it contained. Therefore, we made our way over to the place where we would be staying. The home was very nice. It had a ping-pong table, an already stocked freezer, three bedrooms, a living room, a separate dining room and more space than we knew what to do with. That night, we had our own little church service. We discussed the previous day. I taught them all to play missionary madness. We had a great time doing that.
The next morning we got up bright and early and went an orientation at Shepherds. Directly afterward, we went to help out at Shepherds Enterprises, where many of the residents work. It was my job to put together boxes. There was this machine that would dispense tape to hold the boxes together. Apparently, this machine had some sort of issue against me. It kept slitting out tiny, little pieces for me. But when the other guy making boxes would come over (he was one of the residents) the machine would give him a nice long piece. Of course, he got a real kick out of that.
After lunch, we headed to Maranatha. There, we received a tour of the campus. That night, after a wonderful supper, we attended an event run by a student group called X-Caliber. X-Cal is an improvised comedy group. We had a great time watching their antics.
That night we stayed in the dorms. One of my favorite parts of that time there was the devotional all the men on the floor had. They sang, prayed and discussed the day’s chapel service. I had kind of interesting experience with the people staying in my dorm. There were three students there. One of them pretty much ignored me. My interaction with the second student was primarily just polite small talk. However, the third one won’t stop talking to me. It was interesting to get all these different reactions.
The next morning, I attended three classes. One was on Biblical exposition. I found that one to be very practical. Many of the things talk in that class were very useful. The second was on church safety. I had to miss out on the last few minutes of that class because I had a meeting with one of the professors. He helpfully explained a bit about the college and what all went into being a student at Maranatha. The final class was on apologetics. That one was very interesting. The man who taught the class was something of a genius. The entire class was very thought provoking.
Soon after the apologetics class, we left Maranatha. Six hours later, we were pulling in at the church. That’s essentially my trip in a nutshell. I’m very grateful that I could go and for all that my Lord taught me.
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