Children Who Learn Differently
Thank you for coming today. If you have chosen to attend this workshop, you probably have a child who learns differently. This workshop is not going to have a lot of specific methods in helping learning disabled children. Every struggling learner is different and I have no sure-fire answers for each individual child. I have included some reference pages where my family and others parents who have struggling learners have received some help. I hope you will find the resources listed there to be very helpful. However, the main purpose of this workshop is to encourage you. If you leave this workshop feeling encouraged that you can indeed homeschool your struggling learner, than my goal will have been accomplished.
Let me begin by saying that I do not care for the term “learning disabled.” I much prefer the term “children who learn differently.” However, for the sake of simplicity and because the term “learning disabled” and “struggling learner” rolls off of my tongue more easily than “children who learn differently” you will hear me use them in this workshop.
The Lord, in His great wisdom and sovereignty, has seen fit to give my husband and me some children with learning difficulties. I would like to share several things that have helped me in educating my children who learn differently. First, though, I’d like to tell you our story.
When it was time to begin homeschooling our oldest son, everything went exactly as it should. He was eager to learn and he learned to read fairly quickly. He struggled in one or two areas, like most children do, but over all he was, and is a very good student.
Of course this gave me confidence as a homeschooling Mom and I was sure there would not be any trouble homeschooling the rest of my children.
My second son was eager to learn to read like his big brother. I felt that he needed an extra year of maturity, so we waited until he was six years old to start Kindergarten. The first day of school I dutifully began to teach him the vowel sounds. The problem was that after a month of working on them, he could not remember a single one. I decided that it must be that the curriculum did not work for him so I reluctantly spent the money and ordered a program that was supposed to work wonders with children who struggled with phonics. Six months later, he knew ten letter sounds and had yet to be able to combine them to form them into a word. He had a few words memorized but even sight words were difficult for him. He had also gone from being eager to learn to read to hating every minute of it. It broke my heart.
To make a long story short, it took two long years for him to learn his letter sounds and at least that long to form them into words. Once he could finally read three letter, one vowel words and four letter long vowel words, he had to painfully sound out each word. Now, after eight years of tears, frustration, prayer, research, and even outside help, he is reading at about a third grade level.
I was sure our next three children would do just fine in school. After all, many families have one child who struggles in school. Well, though they do not struggle to the extent that our second son does, all three of our younger children also have learning disabilities from very mild to fairly severe.
For years, I struggled with the fact that some of my children are not academically “normal” children. I would hear other homeschooling moms talk about how intelligent and advanced their homeschooled children were. I would wonder what was wrong with our family, most of all, what was wrong with me as a teacher. When 80% of the students have varying degrees of learning disabilities, surely it is the teacher’s fault! I knew that their academic struggles were certainly not from lack of trying on my part, but was I doing it wrong?
Gradually, for I am a slow learner myself sometimes, the Lord has taught me that my job is to be faithful. God has called me to homeschool my children. My job is to teach them with the best of my ability. The outcome is not in my hands, but in the hands of our Savior. That brings me more comfort and confidence than I can possibly express.
Over the years, the Lord has taught me many things concerning my children who learn differently. Here are some of them:
The first and most important thing I have learned is to pray, pray, pray! I cannot rely on my own strength and wisdom to help my child. I need wisdom from my Heavenly Father. So many times I have been SURE I should teach my child a certain way. Then, after prayer, the Lord has led me in a completely different direction which turned out to be the best one for my child. It is important to be open to the Lord’s leading, even if it goes against what we may think is best.
I have even learned to pray through out the day. In moments of frustration, I silently pause for a moment to ask the Lord for wisdom. Occasionally, when one of my children is upset or frustrated, I will take them by their hand and pray for them outloud.
Secondly, I learned to not worry about well meaning homeschooling moms who have completely “normal” children and are sure that if you homeschooled their way, your children would not have any academic struggles. They really are not trying to be arrogant. They truly do want to help. I have learned to look at their hearts instead of the words that used to hurt me.
No one can completely understand something they have not been through. I have a friend whose husband was deployed for a year. I could sympathize and pray for her, but I could not truly understand what it is like to have a husband gone for a year, especially being in such a dangerous situation. Likewise, parents who do not have children who struggle in school cannot understand what it is like. They can sympathize and pray for us, and I treasure friends who do this. However, unless they have walked in our shoes, they do not fully understand.
So when another homeschooling mom or a grandma or anyone else, comes to you with the perfect answer for your child’s struggles (more often than not, it will be something you have already tried) just smile and thank them for their concern. Usually a polite “I am really glad that works for your family.” is all that is needed. I have learned not to go home and stew about it. I remind myself that they have struggles in their life that I can’t possibly understand.
Third, while I love to read homeschooling books and magazines, I have learned that certain homeschooling magazine articles can do me more harm than good. I don’t know how many times I have read stories about the “light bulb” experience. The story will tell about a child who struggled to learn to read and then one day he could suddenly read huge chapter books. That truly does happen. In fact, it has happened in my own household. One of my children went from haltingly reading first grade readers to reading chapter books in a two week period.
However, many children never will have that “light bulb” moment. Instead of a light bulb, it will be more like a slow-moving tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill that slides back two feet for every three feet it goes forward. We waited for years for my son, who struggles so much, to magically get that “light bulb” experience. It has not yet happened.
Gradually and reluctantly, I have come to accept the fact that my son may never will have that “light bulb” experience. He will probably always struggle with reading to some extent. He will probably never be able to have a job that requires a lot of reading. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow but a necessary and important thing for me to accept.
A forth important lesson I learned is to rejoice in each little victory. I remember the first time my son read the word “of.” He was ten years old. He had struggled with this particular word from age six when we first began his long, difficult up-hill reading endeavor. I had shown him flashcards with this word. I had read him chapter books and had him read this word every time we came to it. He had rolled out this word with play dough. He had written it in sand and in salt. We had cut that word out of newspapers and magazines in many different fonts. Still, every time he came to that word in the books he would read aloud to me, he would not know it.
One day, after four years of working on this word, he was reading a story to me in his usual painfully halting and slow way. He got to the word “of” and he read it!! I held my breath waiting to see if it was a fluke. Sure enough, he got to the word “of” further in the story and read it again. I got so excited and I said to him, “Did you know that you just read the word ‘of’ twice!” He grinned and was as excited as I was. He saw my excitement and heard my praise, but what he didn’t know was that after he finished the story, I went to my room, shut the door and cried. I was thinking, “I can’t believe I am crying tears of joy because my ten year old can read the word “of.” But if you have a child who struggles so much, those little things mean the world to you.
I should tell the rest of the story. The next day, he could not read the word “of.” I didn’t say anything to him, but I was inwardly heartbroken. However, over the next few days and weeks, he read it more often than not, and eventually was able to read the word correctly every single time he saw it. That is what I mean about a tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill.
Each new word that my struggling learners learn to read and spell brings me joy. Every new concept that they grasp is a cause for celebration.
This brings me to my fifth point. As homeschoolers, we tend to avoid outside help. However, with my son, my husband and I came to the point where we knew we needed it.
In the reference pages of the handout, you will see the names, telephone numbers and websites of the places where you might be able to find help for your struggling learner.
I would like to talk specifically about some places we received the most help with our son. The first one was from Lynne Popp, who works out of Omaha. She tested our son and was able to give us curriculum ideas and other tips that have greatly helped him. Lynne Popp helped me realize that my son did not have any phonemic awareness. This has nothing to do with phonics. Phonemic awareness is the ability for one to be able to depict and distinguish the different sounds in the spoken language. It is a step before phonics that happens naturally for most children but did not happen for our son. Lynne Popp taught a two day class that has helped me in teaching our son phonemic awareness. I have also used these principles with our daughters and we have seen great benefits from implementing many of her suggestions.
Lynne Popp introduced us to a great program that has really helped our son and both daughters to have phonemic awareness. You will find it listed on the reference sheet. It is called Lindamood Phonemic Awareness Program. It takes the parents about two weeks of studying this program for about one hour a day to fully grasp it, but if your child has a phonemic awareness issue, it is well worth your time.
The second place we received help for our son was from Dianne Craft. I watched two of her lectures on DVD. They are listed in the handout. I have also purchased curriculum and curriculum supplements from her that have greatly benefited my struggling learners. One example of her material would be these phonics flashcards. Most phonics flashcards have the sound on the back of the picture or down in the corner. However, many children, especially right brain children, often remember the sound much better if the sound is imposed over the actual picture. These cards have helped some of my children learn specific phonics blends that they were not able to learn in other ways. I have brought a few more of her materials and you are welcome to look at them after the workshop.
The third place that we have received great help for our son has been from Dr. Paul Moss. He is a chiropractor in Ankeny. Dr Moss has treated our son with adjustments, supplements and nutrition. He has been treating our son for several months and we have seen improvement in his ability to read, reason and articulate his thoughts.
I should caution though, that outside help, however good it may be, may not remove our child’s learning struggles. Outside sources are often a great benefit in helping our child reach his full potential, but most of the time, they will not remove the child’s learning struggles completely.
My sixth point is that in our desire to help our child academically that we need to be careful not to neglect something even more important and that is to help them grow spiritually. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the academic struggles of our children, that we forget about helping them to grow to be more like Christ. It occurred to me once a few years ago, when my son was struggling greatly with a particular sin, that I should be far more concerned about his sin than I should be about the fact that he could not yet read. Yes, learning to read is crucial, but more importantly still, we need to keep eternal values in view.
Sometimes we are tempted to overlook behavioral issues with our learning disabled child. Life is already tough for them and we don’t want to add to their burdens. Yet, sin is still sin, no matter what their disabilities may be. We still need to help them grow and become more Christ like with each passing year. We do not do our leaning disabled children any favors if we overlook their sins.
Along the same vein, we should be careful not to pity our child who is a struggling learner. We can encourage and help them to achieve the best of their ability. We can sympathize with them when they are discouraged, yes. But never pity them. It will cause them to grow up with a “Woe is me, the world is against me and life is so unfair” attitude, and that will not help them in any way, shape or form.
The seventh important thing that I learned is not to hold any of my children back from learning because they cannot read well. They can still learn so much about science, history, literature and most of all, God’s Word. I read to my children constantly. It is one of my favorite things to do. I read the Bible, great works of literature, science and history textbooks, character building books and just plain fun books to them. Often my non-strugglers will listen, too, even though they could read the material on their own.
They can also learn in other ways. They can still memorize Scripture if I help them orally. It may take my struggling learners longer to learn verses but they can still do it. We also do science experiments, take family nature hikes and do art projects.
My eighth point is that over the years, I have learned that the whole world does not need to know about my children’s learning struggles. I have learned not to talk about it except with people that I really trust because it opens up my child for criticism and the possibility of being pre-judged. Plus, as I have mentioned before, I have come to realize that most people do not truly understand unless they have gone through it.
Our personal family choice has been to not put specific public labels on our children. My husband and I do not want our children to be mainly known as the child who has Sensory Integration dysfunction or dyslexia or what ever the case may be though I should add, that personal knowledge about our children’s specific struggles can be helpful because then we can research ways to help them reach their full potential. However, this is a decision that each family has to make and there is really no “right” or “wrong.”
Since my children’s learning struggles are something that is utmost on my mind, it is easy to want to talk about it to every new friend I make, especially if they homeschool. But I know that I would not appreciate my husband going to work and talking to his coworkers about my struggles. Just as I want him to respect my privacy, I should respect my children’s privacy.
I talk about my children’s learning disabilities on a “need to know” basis only. For example, if they are promoting to a new Sunday School class, I will let the teacher know so that they will not ask my child to read something outloud that they are not capable of reading. I also have a couple very close friends that I talk to about my children’s struggles on a regular basis. I know they love my children very much and they will keep what I say confidential.
My next point is one that is hard for me to admit because it shows that I am less than spiritually perfect in my trust in God’s sovereignty. I found that I did go through a grieving process about my children’s learning struggles, much like what I went through after each of my eight miscarriages. I went through denial, sadness, anger and finally acceptance. It is difficult to see one’s child struggle in any way and it is normal for most of us who have children who struggle academically to grieve because of it.
The important thing to remember is something that a good friend of mine said after she went through an unimaginably difficult time in her life, “Run to Jesus, run to Jesus, run to Jesus.” There is nothing sinful about grieving or the Bible would not tell us to weep with those who weep. It is comforting to know that we can run to the arms of our Savior and He is waiting and ready to comfort us. Through this journey of teaching children who learn differently, I have cried out many times to the Lord in tears and He heard my prayers and brought me comfort in many ways. He brought me hope and comfort through the encouraging words of friends and family, through passages of Scripture, and just from knowing that He cares about my children, and understands my children and loves my children even more than I do.
My tenth and final point is that it is very important to accept our children the way God made them. Each of our children are a blessing from God, even if they don’t fit the world’s idea of “normal.” And, really, who defines “normal” anyway. They may struggle in ways that most children do not, but they are still precious children created in the image of God. If they get even a sense that they are a disappointment to us, it can leave scars that may last a lifetime. God created our children the way He wanted them to be. As hard is it may be to believe this, God loves our precious children more than we do. No matter what their struggles may be, they can be used of God and they can live a life that glorifies God.
Our children who learn differently have their own unique talents and strengths. We should help them develop those gifts to the best of their ability. My son who struggles so much with reading has a tender heart, is very good at crafts, is fascinated by medieval weapons, and wants to be an inventor some day. I have learned to really appreciate his gifts and to focus on those instead of worrying so much about what he can’t do.
Sometimes it may be hard to see their gifts. I have a difficult time with this with one of my struggling learners. I will always remember the day she looked up at me and said, with a tearful voice, “I am not smart. I am not good at anything.” That day I began to fervently pray that God would show me her gifts and talents so I could help her develop them. The Lord showed me that she has the gift of a compassionate and tender heart. She has been able to reach out to others and encourage them when they go through difficult times by baking for them, writing sweet notes and things like that. I am still praying that God will show me other strengths she has so that we can develop those as well. We can pray and ask God to show us our children’s strengths so that in turn, we can encourage our child with the knowledge of these special abilities and help foster that talent or gift in their life.
Like my daughter, some children really struggle with the fact that they have learning disabilities. It is hard for them when they are not able to accomplish everything their peers accomplish…or at least not able to accomplish it as quickly as other children. However, it is important to teach our children that our main purpose in life is to glorify God. How ever God created them is how God knew our child could most glorify Him. Our child’s job, like ours, is simply to be faithful and to do their best according to the ability that God has given them.
A friend of mine uses the following example and I have shared it with my children. A butterfly struggles to come out of it’s cocoon but the struggle strengthens it to fly. In the same way, our child’s struggles, whether it be learning disabilities or something else… strengthen them so they can soar spiritually.
In closing I’d like to share something another friend of mine said to me. I was sharing some of my son’s struggles with this close friend once. She said something that I always remember. She said basically this, “I am kind of jealous. If God feels you can handle a son with these learning disabilities, you are very blessed.” I have always remembered those words and God often brings them to my mind when I am discouraged.
It is also very important to remember that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Teaching our struggling learners often seems overwhelming from the human perspective. I have often thought, “Lord, I can’t do this one more day.“ That is exactly the time when I must run to the loving Arms of our Heavenly Father and ask Him for strength, mercy and wisdom to help my children.
May God bless you as you homeschool your children, whatever their strengths and their struggles may be.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Notes for Struggling Learner Workshop
Helping Your Struggling Learner
1. Pray, Pray, Pray!
2. Try not to worry about what others may think. This is much easier said than done!
3. Avoid homeschooling articles that may discourage you.
4. Rejoice in every little victory.
5. Seek outside help if necessary.
6. In the desire to help our child academically we need to be careful not to neglect their spiritual condition.
7. Even if our child can not read well, he or she can still learn.
8. We need to be discerning when we talk about our child’s learning struggles.
9. Many of us will go through a grieving process because of our child’s learning struggles.
10. We need to accept our child the way God made him or her.
Kim Stilwell
jkstilwell@juno.com
Family blog: http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/
1. Pray, Pray, Pray!
2. Try not to worry about what others may think. This is much easier said than done!
3. Avoid homeschooling articles that may discourage you.
4. Rejoice in every little victory.
5. Seek outside help if necessary.
6. In the desire to help our child academically we need to be careful not to neglect their spiritual condition.
7. Even if our child can not read well, he or she can still learn.
8. We need to be discerning when we talk about our child’s learning struggles.
9. Many of us will go through a grieving process because of our child’s learning struggles.
10. We need to accept our child the way God made him or her.
Kim Stilwell
jkstilwell@juno.com
Family blog: http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/
Reference pages for Struggling Learner Workshop
Curriculum that may be Helpful for Children Who Learn Differently
Scaredy Cat Phonics (www.joyceherzog.com)
Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com)
Math U See (http://www.mathusee.com/)
Mastering Math Essentials by Richard Fisher, 20 minutes a day workbook
(http://www.mathessentials.com/pdf/math_skills.pdf)
Right Brain Phonics Reading Book by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok )
“Right Brain Phonics Flashcards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
“Sight Word Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
“Right Brain Multiplication Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
Wise Owl Math Worksheets
(http://www.wiseowlfactory.com/)
Lindamood Phonemic Awareness Program
(http://www.lindamoodbell.com/programs/lips.html)
Passport Learning, LLC (www.passportlearning.com)
Daily Grams (http://www.easygrammar.com/)
Easy Grammar (http://www.easygrammar.com/)
Hooked on Phonics (http://www.hookedonphonics.com/)
Explode the Code (http://www.explodethecode.com/)
Resources that Parents of Children Who Learn Differently may find Helpful
“Teaching the Right Brain Child” DVD by Dianne Craft
“Understanding and Helping the Struggling Learner” DVD by Dianne Craft
NATHHAN National Challenged Homeschoolers Associated Network
http://www.nathhan.com/
The Out of Sync Child by Karen Stock Kranowitz
Homeschool Legal Defense Association http://www.hslda.org/strugglinglearner/
*The IEP Manual: Individual Education Planning by Jim and Debby Mills
supplies goals, skill lists, and ideas for planning your child's program.
Available from www.nathhan.org.
*LinguiSystems has many professional authored resources for writing IEPs.
Available at www.linguisystems.com.
*The New Language of Toys; Teaching Communication Skill to Children with
Special Needs by Sue Schwartz lists developmental milestones and contains
charts to record your child's progress. Available through
www.hslda.org/SueSchwartz.
*The Student Education Plan (SEP): A Preparation Guide by Judith Munday
walks parents through the SEP process. Available from
www.hishelpinschool.com.
*Teaching Your Special Needs Student: Strategies and Tools That Really Work
by Judith Munday provide evaluation information, scoring rubrics, graphic
organizers, and more. Available from www.hishelpinschool.com.
*HSLDA members can also contact their special needs coordinator.
*Joyce Herzog has Luke's Life List (and Luke's School List) that would
beneficial in helping parents to see they are making progress and to help
avoid discouragement. They, along with other resources, are available at
www.joyceherzog.com
*They were from an article by Andrea Longbottom in the March/April 2009 issue of "The Home School Court Report".
People That May Be Helpful to Your Child Who Learns Differently
Dr Paul Moss
1932 SW 3rd Street, Suite 6
Ankeny, Iowa
(515) 964-9114
http://www.mossfamilychiropractic.com/
Lynne Popp
Omaha, Nebraska
Tel: (402) 498-8708
Fax: (402) 445-0433
slpopp1@cox.net
http://www.iser.com/popp-NE.html
Dianne Craft
http://www.diannecraft.org/
Scaredy Cat Phonics (www.joyceherzog.com)
Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com)
Math U See (http://www.mathusee.com/)
Mastering Math Essentials by Richard Fisher, 20 minutes a day workbook
(http://www.mathessentials.com/pdf/math_skills.pdf)
Right Brain Phonics Reading Book by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok )
“Right Brain Phonics Flashcards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
“Sight Word Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
“Right Brain Multiplication Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)
Wise Owl Math Worksheets
(http://www.wiseowlfactory.com/)
Lindamood Phonemic Awareness Program
(http://www.lindamoodbell.com/programs/lips.html)
Passport Learning, LLC (www.passportlearning.com)
Daily Grams (http://www.easygrammar.com/)
Easy Grammar (http://www.easygrammar.com/)
Hooked on Phonics (http://www.hookedonphonics.com/)
Explode the Code (http://www.explodethecode.com/)
Resources that Parents of Children Who Learn Differently may find Helpful
“Teaching the Right Brain Child” DVD by Dianne Craft
“Understanding and Helping the Struggling Learner” DVD by Dianne Craft
NATHHAN National Challenged Homeschoolers Associated Network
http://www.nathhan.com/
The Out of Sync Child by Karen Stock Kranowitz
Homeschool Legal Defense Association http://www.hslda.org/strugglinglearner/
*The IEP Manual: Individual Education Planning by Jim and Debby Mills
supplies goals, skill lists, and ideas for planning your child's program.
Available from www.nathhan.org.
*LinguiSystems has many professional authored resources for writing IEPs.
Available at www.linguisystems.com.
*The New Language of Toys; Teaching Communication Skill to Children with
Special Needs by Sue Schwartz lists developmental milestones and contains
charts to record your child's progress. Available through
www.hslda.org/SueSchwartz.
*The Student Education Plan (SEP): A Preparation Guide by Judith Munday
walks parents through the SEP process. Available from
www.hishelpinschool.com.
*Teaching Your Special Needs Student: Strategies and Tools That Really Work
by Judith Munday provide evaluation information, scoring rubrics, graphic
organizers, and more. Available from www.hishelpinschool.com.
*HSLDA members can also contact their special needs coordinator.
*Joyce Herzog has Luke's Life List (and Luke's School List) that would
beneficial in helping parents to see they are making progress and to help
avoid discouragement. They, along with other resources, are available at
www.joyceherzog.com
*They were from an article by Andrea Longbottom in the March/April 2009 issue of "The Home School Court Report".
People That May Be Helpful to Your Child Who Learns Differently
Dr Paul Moss
1932 SW 3rd Street, Suite 6
Ankeny, Iowa
(515) 964-9114
http://www.mossfamilychiropractic.com/
Lynne Popp
Omaha, Nebraska
Tel: (402) 498-8708
Fax: (402) 445-0433
slpopp1@cox.net
http://www.iser.com/popp-NE.html
Dianne Craft
http://www.diannecraft.org/
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Giggling Girls and Funny Boys (copy of family letter)
Hi Everyone,
The past two weeks have been really busy but it has been a fun kind of busy. Two weeks ago, Jeff's brother David's family came to visit. We had a really nice time. We stayed up late chatting with David and Kandie. Kandie and I managed to make a Starbucks run one evening. And I love watching my children and their cousins spend time together and establish close friendships. This is something I did not have with my cousins and I am thankful that my children and their cousins will probably be life-long friends. We enjoyed going to Ankeny Baptist that Sunday night and hearing David's presentation.
The Thursday before Jennifer's birthday we had visitors. Christine Scott and her three JEMS (Jacob, Elijah and Moses Scott) came to visit us for the afternoon and evening. I enjoyed the time with Christine so much. She is a kindred spirit. She brought me the neatest book/journal for those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. It has been very helpful. (Christine is all too familiar with grief herself because her husband died in a car crash a little over three years ago.) Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I am grieving for Barb because she was "only" a friend and not a spouse or child or parent of mine. This book has been very helpful as I work through my sadness and draw closer to the Lord because of it
The next weekend Jennifer had a sleepover for her birthday. She invited four of her little friends. There was a lot of giggling and fun going on. They decorated cupcakes, played dress up, had a scavenger hunt, watched a movie (Gus). Jennifer enjoyed opening her gifts...stuffed animals and dolls...right up her alley. The minor hitch was that the meal was not "little girl friendly" since Jennifer had chosen shepherd pie so we had tons of left overs. They filled up on popcorn while watching the movie so I don't think anyone went to bed hungry. They also actually did some sleeping. I admit I bribed them. I told them if I didn't hear any noise after 11:00pm I would give them all a candybar. Unbelievably, it worked! :-) They were all sound asleep by then.
The next day (May 9) our church had a Mother/Daughter Brunch which was really nice. (Yes, I managed to get six little girls ready!!) The teenage girls modeled wedding dresses that had been worn by some of the ladies in the church.
Mother's Day was extra special this year because it was also Jennifer's eighth birthday. We shared a fun day together. Jeff had the day off so he was able to go to church with us on Sunday morning. We stopped on the way home and picked fried chicken at Walmart so we could accomplish the double goal of me not cooking but also not waiting for ever to be seated at a crowded restaurant. At lunch Jennifer and I opened our gifts and enjoyed the afternoon with the family.
The next Friday (May 15) was Joshua's birthday. (It is always a bit traumatic for me when my firstborn and my "baby" each get a year older, only five days apart from each other.) Josh invited six of his friends. The original plan was that they would go to a nearby park and play Capture the Flag and then come back here for the meal and a movie. However, it rained all day so they ended up staying here and playing Axis and Allies. It was loud and it was funny. This group of boys really "connect" and they feed off each other's jokes and comments. (I kept cracking up in the kitchen as their jokes and funny comments drifted up the stairs from the basement.) After they played A&A, they ate the meal while they watched Flyboys. Josh didn't want to do the singing and opening gifts in front of everything thing (which was Jennifer's favorite part of her party... I guess that is the difference between an extroverted eight year old girl and an introverted seventeen year old boy). He opened his gifts after his friends left and was delighted with what they had chosen. They all obviously know Josh well and know what he likes, which is one step ahead of his mother because I never know what to get him! :-) I should add that at Josh's party we did NOT have leftovers. :-) He chose lasagna and cheesecake for dessert.
Today was the Niche homeschool graduation. We received several invitations and it was special to go see these kids graduate. There were 100 graduates and we probably knew about 1/4 of them (more by name). I admit to tearing up when they marched in. I remember when some of these kids were born!! Tim Newman and Zachary Thompson were two of the graduates that some of you might know. It was also really fun to see old friends after the graduation. I met up with one friend that I had not seen in probably 15+ years (Sara Norris Thompson). It was fun to meet her two little boys, too.
Softball is going fine. It has not been the greatest season as far as winning. Well, Jennifer has won all her games but the other four kids have not won since the first day. But everyone is having a great time. Jeff enjoys coaching, the kids enjoy seeing their friend and I enjoy the adult conversation.
I am including some of you that I do not normally include in my family letters. If you would like to receive them or continue receiving them, let me know. I am making a new list. If you are family or close friends, don't worry about getting back to me. I will assume, rightly or wrongly, :-) that you still want to get these.
I thought some of you might be interested in the blog addresses of Jeff's family members. It is interesting/fun to follow their lives as missionaries in Peru. I compiled them for a friend today and I thought I would paste it here as well. Sarah, I have my in-laws link now.
Steve and Evelyn-- www.paandmastilwell.blogspot.com.
David and Kandie-- http://stilwellsinperu.blogspot.com/
Jon and Julie-- http://www.jonjuliestilwell.blogspot.com/
Steve and Molly-- http://www.stilwellschimbote.blogspot.com/
My heart is heavy tonight for a man that attends Jeff's brothers families sending church. His wife and two young children died in a fire last night. Please pray for him as the Lord brings him to your mind.
I hope all of you are doing well. Have a good Sunday.
Love
Kim
Jeff, Kim, Joshua (17), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Jessica (10) and Jennifer (8) Stilwell
"Failure is not final; it is merely the opportunity to start over again wiser than before."
Author Unknown
Family blog : http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/ Updated last on April 27, 2009
Joshua's website on Godly Young Manhood: http://mightymenofvalor.webs.com/
The past two weeks have been really busy but it has been a fun kind of busy. Two weeks ago, Jeff's brother David's family came to visit. We had a really nice time. We stayed up late chatting with David and Kandie. Kandie and I managed to make a Starbucks run one evening. And I love watching my children and their cousins spend time together and establish close friendships. This is something I did not have with my cousins and I am thankful that my children and their cousins will probably be life-long friends. We enjoyed going to Ankeny Baptist that Sunday night and hearing David's presentation.
The Thursday before Jennifer's birthday we had visitors. Christine Scott and her three JEMS (Jacob, Elijah and Moses Scott) came to visit us for the afternoon and evening. I enjoyed the time with Christine so much. She is a kindred spirit. She brought me the neatest book/journal for those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. It has been very helpful. (Christine is all too familiar with grief herself because her husband died in a car crash a little over three years ago.) Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I am grieving for Barb because she was "only" a friend and not a spouse or child or parent of mine. This book has been very helpful as I work through my sadness and draw closer to the Lord because of it
The next weekend Jennifer had a sleepover for her birthday. She invited four of her little friends. There was a lot of giggling and fun going on. They decorated cupcakes, played dress up, had a scavenger hunt, watched a movie (Gus). Jennifer enjoyed opening her gifts...stuffed animals and dolls...right up her alley. The minor hitch was that the meal was not "little girl friendly" since Jennifer had chosen shepherd pie so we had tons of left overs. They filled up on popcorn while watching the movie so I don't think anyone went to bed hungry. They also actually did some sleeping. I admit I bribed them. I told them if I didn't hear any noise after 11:00pm I would give them all a candybar. Unbelievably, it worked! :-) They were all sound asleep by then.
The next day (May 9) our church had a Mother/Daughter Brunch which was really nice. (Yes, I managed to get six little girls ready!!) The teenage girls modeled wedding dresses that had been worn by some of the ladies in the church.
Mother's Day was extra special this year because it was also Jennifer's eighth birthday. We shared a fun day together. Jeff had the day off so he was able to go to church with us on Sunday morning. We stopped on the way home and picked fried chicken at Walmart so we could accomplish the double goal of me not cooking but also not waiting for ever to be seated at a crowded restaurant. At lunch Jennifer and I opened our gifts and enjoyed the afternoon with the family.
The next Friday (May 15) was Joshua's birthday. (It is always a bit traumatic for me when my firstborn and my "baby" each get a year older, only five days apart from each other.) Josh invited six of his friends. The original plan was that they would go to a nearby park and play Capture the Flag and then come back here for the meal and a movie. However, it rained all day so they ended up staying here and playing Axis and Allies. It was loud and it was funny. This group of boys really "connect" and they feed off each other's jokes and comments. (I kept cracking up in the kitchen as their jokes and funny comments drifted up the stairs from the basement.) After they played A&A, they ate the meal while they watched Flyboys. Josh didn't want to do the singing and opening gifts in front of everything thing (which was Jennifer's favorite part of her party... I guess that is the difference between an extroverted eight year old girl and an introverted seventeen year old boy). He opened his gifts after his friends left and was delighted with what they had chosen. They all obviously know Josh well and know what he likes, which is one step ahead of his mother because I never know what to get him! :-) I should add that at Josh's party we did NOT have leftovers. :-) He chose lasagna and cheesecake for dessert.
Today was the Niche homeschool graduation. We received several invitations and it was special to go see these kids graduate. There were 100 graduates and we probably knew about 1/4 of them (more by name). I admit to tearing up when they marched in. I remember when some of these kids were born!! Tim Newman and Zachary Thompson were two of the graduates that some of you might know. It was also really fun to see old friends after the graduation. I met up with one friend that I had not seen in probably 15+ years (Sara Norris Thompson). It was fun to meet her two little boys, too.
Softball is going fine. It has not been the greatest season as far as winning. Well, Jennifer has won all her games but the other four kids have not won since the first day. But everyone is having a great time. Jeff enjoys coaching, the kids enjoy seeing their friend and I enjoy the adult conversation.
I am including some of you that I do not normally include in my family letters. If you would like to receive them or continue receiving them, let me know. I am making a new list. If you are family or close friends, don't worry about getting back to me. I will assume, rightly or wrongly, :-) that you still want to get these.
I thought some of you might be interested in the blog addresses of Jeff's family members. It is interesting/fun to follow their lives as missionaries in Peru. I compiled them for a friend today and I thought I would paste it here as well. Sarah, I have my in-laws link now.
Steve and Evelyn-- www.paandmastilwell.blogspot.com.
David and Kandie-- http://stilwellsinperu.blogspot.com/
Jon and Julie-- http://www.jonjuliestilwell.blogspot.com/
Steve and Molly-- http://www.stilwellschimbote.blogspot.com/
My heart is heavy tonight for a man that attends Jeff's brothers families sending church. His wife and two young children died in a fire last night. Please pray for him as the Lord brings him to your mind.
I hope all of you are doing well. Have a good Sunday.
Love
Kim
Jeff, Kim, Joshua (17), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Jessica (10) and Jennifer (8) Stilwell
"Failure is not final; it is merely the opportunity to start over again wiser than before."
Author Unknown
Family blog : http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/ Updated last on April 27, 2009
Joshua's website on Godly Young Manhood: http://mightymenofvalor.webs.com/
Thursday, May 7, 2009
May Niche Article--Gossiping About Our Children
Gossiping about our Children
During the past year or so, I have been very convicted about gossiping about my children. Some of you can probably relate. You are talking with another mom, or group of moms when something someone says makes you think about a struggle you are having with one of your own children and next thing you know you are telling them about Johnny’s anger problem or his inability to tie his shoes at age seven. I have done this often. After all, what Mom doesn’t love talking about her children?
I would be horrified if Jeff went to work and told his co-workers, "Kim has such a gluttony problem. And can you believe she burned supper tonight? Here we have been married for 21 years and she still burns supper sometimes. And you should see how long it takes her to get dressed some mornings! Why, the other day she was still in her PJs at 10:00 in the morning!" (I should hasten to add that Jeff would never dream of talking that way about me to his co-workers.) Yet I have talked like that about my children.
Several things happened in the past few months to convict me that I should not be saying negative things to others about my children. I shared with one friend that I have a child who sometimes has anger issues. I notice that the next time she and her children were at my home, she treated that child differently than she had before. She was not as kind and friendly towards my child. She also seemed to want to keep her children away from this particular child of mine even though my child had never expressed anger towards her children. Since this friend was well liked by all my children, I felt badly that I had put a wedge in their relationship. I have noticed in other situations, as well, that when I say negative things about a particular child, he or she is treated differently.
Another thing that convicted me about gossiping about my children was that a couple of times (that I know of) they have overheard me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were hurt. In talking to them later, I learned that they felt I had betrayed their trust. Even though I apologized to them and they forgave me, it did not take away from the fact that they knew their mom had shared something very personal about them.
The third thing that convicted me about this was when word “got around” that one of my children was afraid of the dark. I had “only” told a couple of people and the next thing I knew, several people knew and my child was teased about it by other children.
Shortly after these things took place, I was reading in James 3: 5-12 in my private devotions. Verses eight and nine especially spoke to me.
But to the tongue can no man tame, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father, therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
That sure was convicting to me. Did I really want my tongue to be “deadly poison” to my children? Did I want to “curse” them, my dear children who made in the image of God.
We are to bless others with our tongue. Our children are not the exception clause. It does not edify either our child or the person we are speaking to when we tell others about our children’s faults and failures.
I try to be very careful not to gossip or speak badly of others. Yet, I was willing to tell even casual acquaintances about sins and struggles in my children’s lives.
There are times when I still visit with other moms, because it is helpful to talk about the not so fun parts of parenting with others who can relate, but I am more vague. Instead of naming a specific child and going into detail about something, I will say things like “I can sure relate, we have had a similar issue at our house” or “Yes, one of my children went through that, too.”
There are a couple of exceptions when I believe it is okay to talk about our children’s struggles. The main one, of course, is our husband. As the head of our family, Jeff should certainly know what is going on in our children’s lives. Since I spend more hours with them, I often see these things before he does and it is important that I keep him abreast of what is going on in our home.
I also have two very dear friends who edify and encourage me and who pray for me regularly. I do share my burdens relating to my children with them and they share theirs with me. I know they will pray for my child and for me and that they will still love my child even if they know of his or her struggles (as I will for their children). I also know they will never tell anyone else about my concerns, except for perhaps their husbands. I have also occasionally needed to talk to Sunday School teachers and others who have been in leadership positions over my children about behavior issues or learning disabilities though I make sure to make it clear that I want it to stay between us.
We want to avoid the opposite extreme as well. While there is nothing wrong with sharing our children’s accomplishments, we need to do it in a humble manner. Most of us have met parents who constantly brag about their children. You came away thinking that their children must be the only children on the earth who could possibly be that intelligent and well behaved. I have been guilty of bragging about my children as well, although, sadly, I usually err on the side of being critical. (Of course there is an exception clause to this and that is Grandparents. You can brag about your children all you want to them and not only will it not bother them. they will love it!)
I would like to close with a verse that has been both convicting and encouraging to me.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
God bless you as you edify your children.
During the past year or so, I have been very convicted about gossiping about my children. Some of you can probably relate. You are talking with another mom, or group of moms when something someone says makes you think about a struggle you are having with one of your own children and next thing you know you are telling them about Johnny’s anger problem or his inability to tie his shoes at age seven. I have done this often. After all, what Mom doesn’t love talking about her children?
I would be horrified if Jeff went to work and told his co-workers, "Kim has such a gluttony problem. And can you believe she burned supper tonight? Here we have been married for 21 years and she still burns supper sometimes. And you should see how long it takes her to get dressed some mornings! Why, the other day she was still in her PJs at 10:00 in the morning!" (I should hasten to add that Jeff would never dream of talking that way about me to his co-workers.) Yet I have talked like that about my children.
Several things happened in the past few months to convict me that I should not be saying negative things to others about my children. I shared with one friend that I have a child who sometimes has anger issues. I notice that the next time she and her children were at my home, she treated that child differently than she had before. She was not as kind and friendly towards my child. She also seemed to want to keep her children away from this particular child of mine even though my child had never expressed anger towards her children. Since this friend was well liked by all my children, I felt badly that I had put a wedge in their relationship. I have noticed in other situations, as well, that when I say negative things about a particular child, he or she is treated differently.
Another thing that convicted me about gossiping about my children was that a couple of times (that I know of) they have overheard me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were hurt. In talking to them later, I learned that they felt I had betrayed their trust. Even though I apologized to them and they forgave me, it did not take away from the fact that they knew their mom had shared something very personal about them.
The third thing that convicted me about this was when word “got around” that one of my children was afraid of the dark. I had “only” told a couple of people and the next thing I knew, several people knew and my child was teased about it by other children.
Shortly after these things took place, I was reading in James 3: 5-12 in my private devotions. Verses eight and nine especially spoke to me.
But to the tongue can no man tame, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father, therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.
That sure was convicting to me. Did I really want my tongue to be “deadly poison” to my children? Did I want to “curse” them, my dear children who made in the image of God.
We are to bless others with our tongue. Our children are not the exception clause. It does not edify either our child or the person we are speaking to when we tell others about our children’s faults and failures.
I try to be very careful not to gossip or speak badly of others. Yet, I was willing to tell even casual acquaintances about sins and struggles in my children’s lives.
There are times when I still visit with other moms, because it is helpful to talk about the not so fun parts of parenting with others who can relate, but I am more vague. Instead of naming a specific child and going into detail about something, I will say things like “I can sure relate, we have had a similar issue at our house” or “Yes, one of my children went through that, too.”
There are a couple of exceptions when I believe it is okay to talk about our children’s struggles. The main one, of course, is our husband. As the head of our family, Jeff should certainly know what is going on in our children’s lives. Since I spend more hours with them, I often see these things before he does and it is important that I keep him abreast of what is going on in our home.
I also have two very dear friends who edify and encourage me and who pray for me regularly. I do share my burdens relating to my children with them and they share theirs with me. I know they will pray for my child and for me and that they will still love my child even if they know of his or her struggles (as I will for their children). I also know they will never tell anyone else about my concerns, except for perhaps their husbands. I have also occasionally needed to talk to Sunday School teachers and others who have been in leadership positions over my children about behavior issues or learning disabilities though I make sure to make it clear that I want it to stay between us.
We want to avoid the opposite extreme as well. While there is nothing wrong with sharing our children’s accomplishments, we need to do it in a humble manner. Most of us have met parents who constantly brag about their children. You came away thinking that their children must be the only children on the earth who could possibly be that intelligent and well behaved. I have been guilty of bragging about my children as well, although, sadly, I usually err on the side of being critical. (Of course there is an exception clause to this and that is Grandparents. You can brag about your children all you want to them and not only will it not bother them. they will love it!)
I would like to close with a verse that has been both convicting and encouraging to me.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29
God bless you as you edify your children.
Monday, April 27, 2009
A high light of Joshua's Teenpact week (written by Josh)
Josh’s Mathematical Equation
Here’s a math equation worth doing:
1 hearing(TeenPacters) + ties|skirts - noisy zealots = 1 memorable experience
After dodging this for almost three weeks, I’ve decided to sit down and record one of the highlights from my week at TeenPact. It happened Wednesday night. That day during classes, we had been made aware of an opportunity to go to the Iowa House of Representatives and listen in on a hearing for a bill that would do away with the Federal deductibility. Because of my roll as a staffer and my duties at the camp, I just assumed I would not be able to go. However, during supper, the Program Director asked if I would go along. Naturally, I agreed.
Therefore, I got back into my suit and tie, put of my TeenPact nametag and headed out the door. After dividing up into our respective vehicles, we went directly to the capitol. When we got to the floor where the legislatures where located, I was surprised to find an almost eerie atmosphere.
Prior to that day, I had only been at the capitol during the day, usually mid-afternoon when everything was lively and busy. But that evening, the rotunda was almost completely empty. Our footsteps actually echoed in the great room. Over the load speakers, we could hear the seemingly inhuman voice of the Speaker, which was distorted by the electronics.
Our original plan was to go to the galleries located behind the Speaker. However, we soon realized that they were completely full, as were all the other galleries. Therefore, we sent onto the floor and stood behind the representatives.
One by one, people from around the state came up and voiced their opinion on the bill. Many of the students would later comment on how amazed they were to see ordinary people speak before the House. It really made the government feel far less distant than we normal perceive it to be.
After a person would finish speaking the crowd - which was predominantly against the bill - would cheer, hiss, or make their opinion known some way. A couple of time, the Speaker banged his gavel and told the crowd that if they did not remain quiet he would be forced to clear the floor. But the next time around he did nothing expect give another warning.
During the course of the hearing, one of the students had wondered off because he was getting too warm and claustrophobic in the over-crowd chambers. As a staffer, I was sent to find him and make sure he was okay. So, I left the floor and re-entered the eerie rotunda. The only other people there, was the student and a state trooper. While I was out there, I listened to the load speakers. I remember hearing the ravel fall and Speaker announcing that he really was going to clear the floor. Next, I heard a loud uproar from the crowd. The Speaker pounded his gavel, attempting to resort order, but the crowd continued their protest.
I later learned that the local media had reported that the Speaker was forced to call in state troopers to restore order. Well, I have to see the “state troopers get called in.” A man came out of the chamber and asked if the state troopers standing in the hall would come in and help. I found it amusing to see first-hand how things are thrown out of proportion.
While the crowd streamed out, I met up with my fellow TeenPacters. Once we were all together we had a little powwow and discussed the situation. The students decided that, if possible, they would like to stay. Therefore, a call was made to a representative we knew. He agreed to let us in as guests. It was an amazing privilege to be able to hear the rest of the hearing.
When we got back in the vans and headed back, I made a point of reminding my guys that they had just done a wonderful job at representing, not only TeenPact, but Jesus Christ. While, we were at the capitol, several people came up to us and commented on how amazed they were to see young people dressed professionally and involved in government. This allowed us to talk about TeenPact, which then allowed us to talk about Christ. To me, that was the most important part of the entire experience. Through it all, our God was glorified.
Here’s a math equation worth doing:
1 hearing(TeenPacters) + ties|skirts - noisy zealots = 1 memorable experience
After dodging this for almost three weeks, I’ve decided to sit down and record one of the highlights from my week at TeenPact. It happened Wednesday night. That day during classes, we had been made aware of an opportunity to go to the Iowa House of Representatives and listen in on a hearing for a bill that would do away with the Federal deductibility. Because of my roll as a staffer and my duties at the camp, I just assumed I would not be able to go. However, during supper, the Program Director asked if I would go along. Naturally, I agreed.
Therefore, I got back into my suit and tie, put of my TeenPact nametag and headed out the door. After dividing up into our respective vehicles, we went directly to the capitol. When we got to the floor where the legislatures where located, I was surprised to find an almost eerie atmosphere.
Prior to that day, I had only been at the capitol during the day, usually mid-afternoon when everything was lively and busy. But that evening, the rotunda was almost completely empty. Our footsteps actually echoed in the great room. Over the load speakers, we could hear the seemingly inhuman voice of the Speaker, which was distorted by the electronics.
Our original plan was to go to the galleries located behind the Speaker. However, we soon realized that they were completely full, as were all the other galleries. Therefore, we sent onto the floor and stood behind the representatives.
One by one, people from around the state came up and voiced their opinion on the bill. Many of the students would later comment on how amazed they were to see ordinary people speak before the House. It really made the government feel far less distant than we normal perceive it to be.
After a person would finish speaking the crowd - which was predominantly against the bill - would cheer, hiss, or make their opinion known some way. A couple of time, the Speaker banged his gavel and told the crowd that if they did not remain quiet he would be forced to clear the floor. But the next time around he did nothing expect give another warning.
During the course of the hearing, one of the students had wondered off because he was getting too warm and claustrophobic in the over-crowd chambers. As a staffer, I was sent to find him and make sure he was okay. So, I left the floor and re-entered the eerie rotunda. The only other people there, was the student and a state trooper. While I was out there, I listened to the load speakers. I remember hearing the ravel fall and Speaker announcing that he really was going to clear the floor. Next, I heard a loud uproar from the crowd. The Speaker pounded his gavel, attempting to resort order, but the crowd continued their protest.
I later learned that the local media had reported that the Speaker was forced to call in state troopers to restore order. Well, I have to see the “state troopers get called in.” A man came out of the chamber and asked if the state troopers standing in the hall would come in and help. I found it amusing to see first-hand how things are thrown out of proportion.
While the crowd streamed out, I met up with my fellow TeenPacters. Once we were all together we had a little powwow and discussed the situation. The students decided that, if possible, they would like to stay. Therefore, a call was made to a representative we knew. He agreed to let us in as guests. It was an amazing privilege to be able to hear the rest of the hearing.
When we got back in the vans and headed back, I made a point of reminding my guys that they had just done a wonderful job at representing, not only TeenPact, but Jesus Christ. While, we were at the capitol, several people came up to us and commented on how amazed they were to see young people dressed professionally and involved in government. This allowed us to talk about TeenPact, which then allowed us to talk about Christ. To me, that was the most important part of the entire experience. Through it all, our God was glorified.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Niche "Remembering Barb" article
Here is the article I wrote for Niche in Barb's memory. As you can see, I cut and pasted some things from my previous article about her. This was by far the most difficult article I have ever had to write but also one of the most precious.
Remembering Barb Gorman
On March 25, the Lord called one of His own Home to Heaven to be with Him. Barbara Gorman was a faithful friend and a loving wife. She was also the mother of seven children, five of them her biological children, and two children adopted through the foster care system. One of her adopted children and the baby she gave birth to in October, 2007 preceded her in death. Barb was a wonderful example to so many of us as a Christian, wife, mother, friend and homeschooling mom. I know that I am a better wife, mom, friend and Christian for having known her.
In the days following Barb’s Homegoing it became very clear to me how many lives she had touched. Barb and I belonged to the same homeschool group. After her death, many members of our group sent emails through our homeschool e-mail loop sharing stories and memories of Barb. Several of us also gathered together the evening after her death to share memories, cry, laugh and pray together. Over and over I heard special stories about Barb’s life.
I think the most precious story I heard, the evening we gathered together, was about the family who unknowingly brought about Barb’s salvation. Nancy and Stuart Meyer were Barb’s neighbors. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, they would walk to and from church, pushing their babies in the strollers. Barb and her daughters would peek out the windows from behind the curtains and watch this family walk past. It made quite an impression on Barb that the Meyers were so faithful in attending church and eventually this led to her salvation. The most precious part of this story is that Nancy Meyer did not even know this until a week before Barb’s death. Nancy and Peggy Appel were at Barb’s home praying with her and Barb shared the story with Nancy.
I could write a book quoting all the tributes and memories I heard and read about Barb in the days following her Homegoing but since this is supposed to be an article and not a book, I had to choose only a few. I have asked three homeschooling moms for permission to quote them in this article.
Gina Greene shared the following story, “I loved her very much. She was very dear to my kids and me. I will never forget the day we spent together making Italian cookies. We had millions of them. We were trying to figure out all the people we could dump them on-Oh pardon me, I mean all the people we could bless by giving them to! Lots of laughs that day, and frosting everywhere.
There was the time when no one was supposed to know she was pregnant, and I didn't realize it. I blurted the whole thing over the SHEEP email loop....she could have been extremely mad at me, but she just sat there and laughed and laughed when I ‘fessed up.
Then there was the day she went “sledding” across the street with us. It turned out to be a warm day, and it was more like boating. She was such a good sport speeding down the hard icy hill with a huge smile on her face even when she hit the bottom.... which had turned into a deep pond. With water flying all over the place she was drenched and laughed her head off. The kids looked like mud monsters, and we even made foil boats to float in the river we made with the water and snow. We raced them.”
Another homeschooling mom, Mary Dorin, shared this through our email loop the day after Barb’s death, “One thing Barb said clearly in one of our personal e-mails was ‘this is a win-win situation for me.’ She also said, ‘God doesn't waste pain.’ Her hope was so much that she could minister to others through this situation. We all know that she has done that.”
One thing that nearly everyone talked about was Barb’s smile and laughter. One homeschooling Mom even said that she pictures Barb in Heaven giggling with Jesus. Barb had a joyful spirit and it rubbed off on her friends.
The most vivid memory I, personally, have of Barb was at her baby Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
No matter what tragedy she was going through in her own life, Barb reached out to others. I remember the day of Faith’s funeral, she asked me if I was okay. She knew I had lost several babies and thought perhaps attending a funeral of a baby would bring back thoughts of my own sad losses. I remember being sweetly touched that, on one of the saddest days of her life, she was concerned about me.
Sarah Heywood shared yet another touching story about the day of Faith’s funeral, “Our due dates were 4 days apart in 2007. We were both expecting very long-awaited and prayed for babies. Throughout our pregnancies we compared notes and bellies. I'll never forget at little Faith's funeral slinking in, trying to hide my big belly because I felt so bad that my baby was alive and her's was not. But the time came that I needed to greet Barb and Chris and I half expected Barb to burst into tears at the sight of my very pregnant self. But she gave me the biggest smile, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and proceeded to tell those around me that I was expecting a baby boy who would be here in just a week! I know she was hurting but she put her sadness aside to focus on my happiness. That's the kind of person Barb was. It gives me great joy to know that today, she's holding her precious baby.”
The verse “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might” certainly applied to Barb. She threw herself wholeheartedly into every endeavor whether it was homeschooling, organizing, gardening, scrap booking, living a healthy lifestyle, and most importantly of all striving to live a life that would be pleasing to her Lord and Savior. If Barb knew I was writing an article about her, I know, for a fact, she would not want me to make her appear perfect. She was very open and transparent about her weaknesses.
I not only lost a dear friend but also a wonderful editor. I could not write these articles if it were not for my editors. I have been so thankful for my two “main” editors, Barb and Sarah Heywood who have faithfully edited these articles every month in spite of their busy lives as homeschooling moms. Throughout the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling are atrocious. Barb caught my grammar and spelling errors and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles better. She nearly always gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This is the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. Even as I am writing this article about her, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
Barb was an optimist. Clear to the end, she hoped for a cure and prayed for a miracle. As Pastor Ropp said at her funeral, God answered her prayer by healing her-not in the way that we had hoped- but by giving Barb ultimate healing.
I would be remiss not to mention Barb’s husband Chris. A few weeks before her death she sent me an email that included the following statement about her husband, “He has stood by me and supported me and helped me through things no family should have to go through. He is a blessing from God. I try to thank God and him each day.” At the end of the email that Chris sent out after Barb’s death he wrote, “No matter the outcome, we have decided to praise Him!”
A week and a half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I could barely hear her. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, Jean- 24, Sally-22, Andrew-11, Jeremiah -7, and Ruth, their 6 year old adopted daughter. We talked about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
My wise, Godly father-in-law had a heart attack last summer and for awhile we thought we might lose him. One thing he said was, “When I go, it will be because I have done all the work that my God had planned for me to do.” As difficult as it may be for us to understand why the Lord would take a young mother who still had young children at home, we know that her work here on this earth was done. She had accomplished what the Lord sent her to do.
At the end of Barb’s emails there was a quote. “God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good.” Though she had more trials in her nearly 43 years of life than most people have in an 80 year lifetime, she lived her life by this quote.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time it will be in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer and no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been! Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
Remembering Barb Gorman
On March 25, the Lord called one of His own Home to Heaven to be with Him. Barbara Gorman was a faithful friend and a loving wife. She was also the mother of seven children, five of them her biological children, and two children adopted through the foster care system. One of her adopted children and the baby she gave birth to in October, 2007 preceded her in death. Barb was a wonderful example to so many of us as a Christian, wife, mother, friend and homeschooling mom. I know that I am a better wife, mom, friend and Christian for having known her.
In the days following Barb’s Homegoing it became very clear to me how many lives she had touched. Barb and I belonged to the same homeschool group. After her death, many members of our group sent emails through our homeschool e-mail loop sharing stories and memories of Barb. Several of us also gathered together the evening after her death to share memories, cry, laugh and pray together. Over and over I heard special stories about Barb’s life.
I think the most precious story I heard, the evening we gathered together, was about the family who unknowingly brought about Barb’s salvation. Nancy and Stuart Meyer were Barb’s neighbors. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, they would walk to and from church, pushing their babies in the strollers. Barb and her daughters would peek out the windows from behind the curtains and watch this family walk past. It made quite an impression on Barb that the Meyers were so faithful in attending church and eventually this led to her salvation. The most precious part of this story is that Nancy Meyer did not even know this until a week before Barb’s death. Nancy and Peggy Appel were at Barb’s home praying with her and Barb shared the story with Nancy.
I could write a book quoting all the tributes and memories I heard and read about Barb in the days following her Homegoing but since this is supposed to be an article and not a book, I had to choose only a few. I have asked three homeschooling moms for permission to quote them in this article.
Gina Greene shared the following story, “I loved her very much. She was very dear to my kids and me. I will never forget the day we spent together making Italian cookies. We had millions of them. We were trying to figure out all the people we could dump them on-Oh pardon me, I mean all the people we could bless by giving them to! Lots of laughs that day, and frosting everywhere.
There was the time when no one was supposed to know she was pregnant, and I didn't realize it. I blurted the whole thing over the SHEEP email loop....she could have been extremely mad at me, but she just sat there and laughed and laughed when I ‘fessed up.
Then there was the day she went “sledding” across the street with us. It turned out to be a warm day, and it was more like boating. She was such a good sport speeding down the hard icy hill with a huge smile on her face even when she hit the bottom.... which had turned into a deep pond. With water flying all over the place she was drenched and laughed her head off. The kids looked like mud monsters, and we even made foil boats to float in the river we made with the water and snow. We raced them.”
Another homeschooling mom, Mary Dorin, shared this through our email loop the day after Barb’s death, “One thing Barb said clearly in one of our personal e-mails was ‘this is a win-win situation for me.’ She also said, ‘God doesn't waste pain.’ Her hope was so much that she could minister to others through this situation. We all know that she has done that.”
One thing that nearly everyone talked about was Barb’s smile and laughter. One homeschooling Mom even said that she pictures Barb in Heaven giggling with Jesus. Barb had a joyful spirit and it rubbed off on her friends.
The most vivid memory I, personally, have of Barb was at her baby Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.
No matter what tragedy she was going through in her own life, Barb reached out to others. I remember the day of Faith’s funeral, she asked me if I was okay. She knew I had lost several babies and thought perhaps attending a funeral of a baby would bring back thoughts of my own sad losses. I remember being sweetly touched that, on one of the saddest days of her life, she was concerned about me.
Sarah Heywood shared yet another touching story about the day of Faith’s funeral, “Our due dates were 4 days apart in 2007. We were both expecting very long-awaited and prayed for babies. Throughout our pregnancies we compared notes and bellies. I'll never forget at little Faith's funeral slinking in, trying to hide my big belly because I felt so bad that my baby was alive and her's was not. But the time came that I needed to greet Barb and Chris and I half expected Barb to burst into tears at the sight of my very pregnant self. But she gave me the biggest smile, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and proceeded to tell those around me that I was expecting a baby boy who would be here in just a week! I know she was hurting but she put her sadness aside to focus on my happiness. That's the kind of person Barb was. It gives me great joy to know that today, she's holding her precious baby.”
The verse “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might” certainly applied to Barb. She threw herself wholeheartedly into every endeavor whether it was homeschooling, organizing, gardening, scrap booking, living a healthy lifestyle, and most importantly of all striving to live a life that would be pleasing to her Lord and Savior. If Barb knew I was writing an article about her, I know, for a fact, she would not want me to make her appear perfect. She was very open and transparent about her weaknesses.
I not only lost a dear friend but also a wonderful editor. I could not write these articles if it were not for my editors. I have been so thankful for my two “main” editors, Barb and Sarah Heywood who have faithfully edited these articles every month in spite of their busy lives as homeschooling moms. Throughout the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling are atrocious. Barb caught my grammar and spelling errors and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles better. She nearly always gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This is the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. Even as I am writing this article about her, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.
Barb was an optimist. Clear to the end, she hoped for a cure and prayed for a miracle. As Pastor Ropp said at her funeral, God answered her prayer by healing her-not in the way that we had hoped- but by giving Barb ultimate healing.
I would be remiss not to mention Barb’s husband Chris. A few weeks before her death she sent me an email that included the following statement about her husband, “He has stood by me and supported me and helped me through things no family should have to go through. He is a blessing from God. I try to thank God and him each day.” At the end of the email that Chris sent out after Barb’s death he wrote, “No matter the outcome, we have decided to praise Him!”
A week and a half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I could barely hear her. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, Jean- 24, Sally-22, Andrew-11, Jeremiah -7, and Ruth, their 6 year old adopted daughter. We talked about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.
My wise, Godly father-in-law had a heart attack last summer and for awhile we thought we might lose him. One thing he said was, “When I go, it will be because I have done all the work that my God had planned for me to do.” As difficult as it may be for us to understand why the Lord would take a young mother who still had young children at home, we know that her work here on this earth was done. She had accomplished what the Lord sent her to do.
At the end of Barb’s emails there was a quote. “God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good.” Though she had more trials in her nearly 43 years of life than most people have in an 80 year lifetime, she lived her life by this quote.
See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time it will be in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer and no babies dying.
You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been! Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.
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