The Stilwell Gang

The Best Laid Plans....

2010-09-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

Have you ever noticed that, when it comes to homeschooling, you can spend weeks planning, organizing, purchasing materials, making a schedule, but that those plans may change in the blink of an eye? This has happened to us many times and has already happened to us this year. I planned to start school in early August so that we could get a head start this year. We had four days of school and then woke up to a flooded basement.

Instead of plunging ahead in our school books as I had so carefully and meticulously planned, we spent the next week drying, cleaning, sorting, throwing away ruined items (thankfully nothing too important!), tearing up carpet and hauling away trash from the basement. This was not in my plans. Here, I had decided, quite wisely, in my opinion, to get a good ten to fifteen days of school done in August as a “cushion” in case we had to take time off during the school year for any reason. Instead, we were already taking time off…a mere four days into the school year!!

However, as I prayed about my frustration, and, trust me, I was frustrated, I was reminded that God ordains our days. My well thought out, well planned schedule is not my god. While I, personally, find that our school day goes better if we have a loose schedule, God is ultimately in control of how we spend our days.

I also realized that my children received another kind of “education” that week, one they would not have received through textbooks. My sons spent many hours helping us clean out the basement and tear up carpet. My daughters kept the upstairs running by folding laundry, making meals and doing the dishes, among other chores. They learned the value of hard work. They learned the importance of working together and of everyone doing their share. They learned that sometimes life sends things our way that we neither expected nor desired.

Over my thirteen years of being a homeschool mom, I have learned that I need to remember to allow God to work in my children’s lives (and my own) in ways that did not go according to my careful planning. When we have to give up part of a school day to make a meal for someone who is sick, my children are learning so much more than they would from a textbook or a worksheet. They are learning to care for those in need and to sacrifice their own time. When we babysit a child whose mother is on bedrest with a pregnancy, my children learn that some thing are more important than getting all our school work done that day. They are learning how to care for younger children. They also learn to be put others first.

I am certainly not saying that we should go looking for reasons not to do our school work. Day after day of “I am sure that going to the park is more educational than school books” would not help our children and their education in the long run. But when the Lord sends specific circumstances or people into our lives that change our plans, we need to accept the fact that His ways and His plans are infinitely better than ours. The Lord loves our children even more than we do. The plans He has for them are even better than our well thought out plans for them. Everything that the Lord allows or brings into our lives will help us to grow in Him and to better to able to serve and glorify him, if we allow Him to work in our lives through the circumstances.

So, the next time you wake up to water in your basement, or some similar circumstance, and your carefully laid out plans for the week are completely changed, try not to stress and get frustrated (much easier said than done and I know that from personal experience). Instead, remember that His Plans are infinitely better than our own and that we can trust Him and rest safely in His Loving Arms as we go through life, both the planned and unplanned part of life.

A Servant's Heart

2010-05-10T18:03:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are interested, this is the devotional I gave at our church's mother/daughter tea:

A Servant’s Heart

One of the best words to describe a mom is “Busy!” Meeting our husband’s needs, taking care of our children, homeschooling, cooking, laundry, cleaning, running errands, trying make a dollar stretch, making necessary phone calls…all of these things can seem overwhelming at times.

While preparing for this devotional, I read through Proverbs 31. I don’t know about you, but the Proverbs 31 woman has always seemed like an ideal of wife and motherhood that I can not possibly ever attain. Yet, if I set aside my insecurities and truly study this passage, I always learn from it. The verse that spoke to me the most this time was Proverbs 31:31. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates. This just shows me, yet again, that the Proverbs 31 woman was not lazy. Her time was spent caring for and meeting the needs of her family.

At times life can seem overwhelming to us moms. At least that is how I feel sometimes. I have learned that when I try to do everything on my own strength, I fail miserably.

Everything we do should be for the purpose of glorifying the Lord. As mundane as these tasks may seem, this includes washing dishes, teaching fourth grade grammar and wiping runny little noses. When I have the attitude of doing these things as unto the Lord, these tasks become a joy instead of drudgery. When I think of all that the Lord has done for me, sending His only Son to die on the cross for my sins, how can I not do these household tasks with a joyful spirit?

This does not always mean that I am happy and chipper. Sometimes I am but not always. Often I am tired and often I don’t “feel” like doing these tasks. But when I remember that I am doing them “unto the Lord” I still have the joy of the Lord deep inside.

It is important that we go about our tasks with a joyful spirit instead of acting like a martyr. I think sometimes we moms relish the role of a martyr. “Oh, I am so overworked and underappreciated.” Again, if we remember why we are doing our wifely and motherly jobs, it greatly helps us to do them with joy.

Our husbands would much rather come home to a cheerful wife than a grumpy one. I have noticed that my mood often sets the tone for the whole family. And a joyful spirit goes a long way with our children, too. Simple gestures like a friendly, “Good morning!” or an “I love you” or a pat on the arm as they walk by or a “How is your day going?” mean the world to a child. And, as with our husbands, it is much more pleasant for a child to spend the day with a cheerful, content mom than it is to spend the day with a grumpy or distracted mom.

Another thing that took me awhile to learn is that my plans for the day may not be the Lord’s plans for me that day. I may want to clean out the hall closet that day but I may need to deal with a child who is having an attitude problem instead. One good way to tell whether the Lord wants us to change our plans is to ask ourselves, “What will truly matter in light of eternity?” A cluttered hall closet will not matter, but a child who goes into adulthood with a rebellious heart certainly will matter.

When one of my children come to me with a problem, however large or small, I need to take the time to truly listen, to make eye contact with them and to respond in a loving manner. When two of the children are having a disagreement, I need to take the time to help them work through it in a Christ honoring manner. As a parent, I need to make sure I am teaching and edifying my children in the things of the Lord. This is part of having a servant’s heart.

I feel that I would be remiss if I did not mention that, as precious as it is to spend time with our children, the Lord and our husband need to be the two priorities over our children.

We will be much better wives and moms if we spend time in God’s Word and prayer. I know this is very difficult to fit into our busy schedules but I can sure tell a difference when I am not spending time in the Word. I think of the story of busy Martha, who wanted a perfect meal for her guests, and Mary, who listened at Jesus’ feet. Luke 10:40-42 tells us which of these sisters pleased Jesus the most: But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.

I don’t know about you but I tend to err on the side of being a Martha instead of a Mary in this area.

We moms do not have hours and hours to sit and study God’s Word and pray. I have found a tool that really works for me is to listen to the Bible on CD. As I am doing different tasks around the house, I will put a CD in and listen to it. I really like this because often my children will listen, too. I have also found that a really good time to pray is when I go for my walks. There are no distractions and I can just spend time talking to the Lord. A side benefit is that it distracts me from what ever pain I may be having as I try to increase my walking time.

We will also be doing our children a great disservice if we do not make our marriage a top priority. Children who grow up in a home with constant tension between Mom and Dad will have a much harder time in life. They will feel more insecure and they will have a difficult time having a Godly marriage if it was not demonstrated for them while they were growing up.

I want to add something else here, which is a side note, but has been important for me in my marriage. I think sometimes we, as wives, can get bitter when it seems that our work is never ending and our husbands have set hours to work and then they are done. I really used to struggle because it seemed that my work was never done and Jeff seems to have more time to spend in the Word, exercise and pursue other passions. However, the Lord has really spoken to me about this over the years. I came to realize that I am Jeff’s helpmate and not the other way around. I have learned not to nag or give Jeff the silent treatment into doing jobs around the house. Basically, I expect nothing from him in the area that are traditionally the wife’s job. This goes against what the world and many believers teach. Jeff does help me around the house, quite a bit actually. But I am now grateful when he does this instead of upset when he does not. And a huge side benefit to this is that, if I expect nothing from Jeff when it comes to helping with the household jobs, when he does help, which is actually fairly often, I am very thankful instead of feeling bitter when he does not help.

At first this next point may not seem to go along with the theme of the servant’s heart but another thing that has been important to my marriage is to really, truly get to know Jeff and his preferences. In the ideal world, when the husband comes home from work, the house is neat, supper is nearly ready, the children are clean and quiet, the wife looks her best and greets her husband at the door fully prepared to devote the next twenty minutes to just him. This might have happened once at our house. I have learned that the most important things to Jeff is that I am available to him for a little while when he gets home. He really doesn’t care if we don’t eat for awhile or if the house is spotless. However, he loves it when I am there to greet him and spend a few minutes with just him when he gets home. I have come to really look forward to that time of the day as well. In other ways areas, as well, it is important to know what is important to our husband. As wives, we need to make his priorities, our priorities. We are having a servant’s heart by putting his desires above our wishes. From a human perspective, this does not seem fair but I have learned that the rewards are great. It makes our relationship with our husbands closer and, most importantly, it is pleasing to the Lord. And, not that we should do it for this reason, but I have also found that when I desire to please Jeff, it goes a long way towards his desiring to please me in every way he can.

If we do all these wifely and motherly duties to look good to others or out of obligation, it is going to go for naught. Our hearts need to be right with the Lord when we do it. We need to do it for the right reasons which is our love for Christ and our desire to glorify Him.

Having a servant’s heart is not always easy. When I was talking to Jeff about this devotional and asking him for ideas, he suggested the story of the women who ministered to Jesus while He was here on earth. Mark 15:40-42 says, There were also women looking on afar off: among whom was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James the less and of Joses, and Salome; (Who also, when he was in Galilee, followed him, and ministered unto him;) and many other women which came up with him unto Jerusalem. And now when the even was come, because it was the preparation, that is, the day before the Sabbath. The phrase “Who also, when he was in Galilee, followed him, and ministered unto him;” really stood out to me when I read this passage. These were women who chose to be servants to Jesus. In the same way, we as moms are choosing to be servants to Jesus when we care for our families. One interesting thing to note is that these women were the ones who were with Jesus when He was crucified. Unlike the disciples, who with the exception of John, had run away when Jesus was arrested, these women, who had basically been “just” servants to Jesus and His disciples, had more courage and a greater trust in Jesus than the men who had been taught by Jesus for three years. In my opinion, the reason the women were at the cross was because they had a servants heart. The reason most of the disciples fled was because they did not have a servant’s heart yet. Remember, they were the ones who argued about who would sit at Jesus’ Right Hand in Heaven.

Being a servant does not mean that you have lesser value to the Lord. If you are a servant as unto man than it is going to appear that you have lesser value because mankind sees servants as having lesser value. But when you do it unto the Lord, you are serving the King of Kings of Lord and Lords and it can’t get any better than that. And it has eternal values rather than earthly values.

If we are going to do anything of eternal value it has to be of service to the Lord. If we do it for ourselves or to impress others, it is not going to last. So what ever you do here on earth, do it for the Lord. However big or however seemingly small. However important or however seemingly unimportant. Significant or seemingly insignificant. Whether you are praised or not praised. Do it all unto the Lord and the rewards will be great.

Letter to a Brand New Homeschooling Mom

2010-05-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

Dear Brand New Homeschooling Mom,

I can’t tell you how excited I am that you are joining the ranks of homeschoolers. When I read your letter asking for the advice of a “veteran” homeschooling mom, it caught me a bit by surprise. In many ways, I certainly do not feel like a veteran homeschooling mom, much less an expert one. However, my oldest child, whom we have homeschooled from the beginning, is graduating this year so I suppose that does make me a veteran!

The first thing I would suggest is to pray, pray, pray. Pray about what curriculum you should order. Pray about your schedule or lack thereof. Pray before you begin each homeschooling day. When you and your children are having a less than perfect homeschooling day, stop and pray about it.

If at all possible, try to attend a homeschool conference and attend as many workshops as possible. That is what inspired, encouraged and motivated me in the beginning.

The other advantage to going to a homeschool conference is that you can actually look at the curriculum you are considering. It is often hard to tell from catalogs exactly what the material is like. I know I have been disappointed more than once when I thought the curriculum I was ordering was a certain way only to find out it was very different than what I had envisioned. If you are not able to go to a homeschool conference, it might be a good idea to borrow the books from a friend to look at them before you place your order.

There are a lot of good programs and curriculum out there. It can be overwhelming. I would suggest doing research and then sticking to what you choose for the whole school year. Contrary to what the venders may tell you, there is no "perfect" curriculum/program out there. They all have their pros and cons.

For your first year, it might be better to stick to one company (such as ABeka or Bob Jones) because it is easier to learn one system than several. Also, complete curriculum programs like that are really teacher friendly and tell the mom exactly what to teach each day and how to teach it.

It is great to listen to the advice of others but what works great for one family may not work for your family at all. And what they consider a flop, may be perfect for your family. Just because something that is supposed to be “perfect" doesn't work for your family doesn't mean you are doing something wrong. It simply means that it did not work for your family.

It is better to err on the side of being too laid back than being too uptight. Mom AND the children will be happier. If you miss grammar one day or only do half the math problems on some days, life will go on and your children will still be well educated.

A schedule is a very good tool. We follow a loose schedule in our home. However, be careful not to let the schedule become your dictator. There may be teachable moments that are not scheduled. There are also days when attitude issues will arise (both in Mom and in the students) and need to be dealt with in a timely manner. That is far more important than making sure math time starts at 10:10 AM.

Treat each child as an individual. In some families, every child learns differently. What works perfectly for your oldest child, may not work at all for your second child. And when you finally discover what works for your second child, you will find that your third child is completely different than either of the first two. This has been very true in our family. Some of my children have the “just give me the workbook and let me get this done” mind concept while others want to explore, research and have more hands-on activities.

On the other hand, I have many homeschooling friends who use the exact same curriculum for every single child in their family and that works great for them. Every family is different in this area and I suspect it will become obvious to you fairly quickly if your second child learns well with the material you use for your firstborn. While it is certainly cheaper when you can use the same curriculum for every child, it just doesn’t always work for every family.

It is also important to keep your husband abreast of what is going on in your homeschool. As the head of your family, he needs to know what is going on. Let him know if your son is really struggling with math or if your daughter is having a grumpy attitude about school on a regular basis. Also, be sure he hears the positive, too. Let him know when your child finally grasps a concept she has that has been a struggle for her. Your husband doesn’t need a “blow by blow” account of each of your homeschooling days, but it is good that he knows about the “main events” in your homeschooling. A side benefit to keeping him informed is, that since he is part of your family, but not necessarily as involved in homeschooling as the mom, he may be able to give objective advice or suggestions. Sometimes we moms are so heavily involved that it is hard to see things clearly and objectively.

Proverbs tells us that there is wisdom in many counselors. Therefore, I have sought the counsel of other homeschooling moms in writing this letter and I want to share with you some of the things they have told me

One veteran homeschooling mom (who has actually graduated all of her children) sent me this letter when I asked her for advice:

1. Be flexible! You don't have to do every subject each day.

2. Take advantage of different learning experiences that might come along. Teaching/learning doesn't always come from a textbook.

3. If your child is a little older and is struggling in a subject. Think about "throwing out" the textbook occasionally (or for a while).
Examples:
Struggles with reading? Pick out a few library books at their reading level that are about something they ENJOY!! Make up your own worksheets.
Struggles with Math? Make cookies for measuring, double a recipe for fractions. Go grocery shopping and help your child determine which is the better deal?

4. Love your kids and HAVE FUN!!! AND don't feel shy about asking other homeschool mom's for help or ideas! :)

Other Moms suggest:

Many new homeschoolers try to get as much "socialization" as possible to counter that argument before it even comes up. It's a good thing to get together with others, do co-ops and field trips but I really recommend that you try to be home the bulk of the week. Aim for one day to be the outing day.

Be flexible and go with the kids interests and learning styles. There is no one curriculum for all kids. Enjoy, don't stress.

Relax and take it easy. Don't sweat the small stuff. Be flexible and remember you can teach anywhere at any time. We had a science lesson last night after supper about probiotics. Don't think you have to do every problem/question on every page in every book. Pick and choose. Have fun!! Learning is fun. Do non-traditional things with learning. Studying about earthworms? Instead of the dictionary and internet go LOOK for worms. Find out what your kids are interested in and learn about that together. We tried to find a certain kind of bird my daughter saw, never found it but we had fun looking!

RELAX. Your children WILL learn what they need to, and often, on their own time-table. I have always been astounded when my oldest has done formal testing - I had no idea he was picking up so much. I would imagine it's true for the younger boys, too - I just have never had them tested.

Be willing to make school a way of life. Your house will not be as clean as it used to be, you will not be able to go out to lunch etc. like your friends whose kids are in school. But, you will be spending your day with your kids and enjoy them.

Try to keep it simple!!! Look through different styles of curriculum to see what will work for you and your kids. Don't give up! Put on some soothing music!! Get fresh air often!! Vitamin D is essential! Coffee, coffee, coffee!!!!!!

Avoid buying different curriculums each year. Also, do not push a child too hard when they are not ready. When they are ready for whatever you are teaching, it will come easier.

Don't spend your whole time looking for the "greenest pasture" in curriculum. Consistent work in one math curriculum is worth much more than jumping all over in search of the best curriculum.

You are the expert on your own child. Everyone and their sister will give you advice on what curriculum to use, what approach to take, but remember that you know this child better than anyone else.

Do NOT judge your homeschool experience on your first year.

Sit down and figure out what your goals are for homeschooling. These goals will help you refocus when you need to. They'll encourage you to keep going when it gets tough. When you can't decide on something, they'll help you decide.

Think about what you are like. Do you like everything spelled out to you when it comes to how to do things? Or are you the type that is a natural teacher? Do you have the ability to find something educational around you everywhere you go? Or do you need more organized learning situations for your children? Do you like crafts and hands-on projects? How many other children do you have? How many other responsibilities do you have (work, cooking for a special diet, caring for a sick family member, etc.)? Are you introverted (meaning you need time away from people - especially children - to recharge)? All of these things will determine the sort of curriculum you might use. My needs are completely different from an extroverted someone who has one to two kids, who loves crafts and who has a husband with an 8-hour workday. Your teaching style is just as important as the child's learning style when it comes to choosing curriculum. Chances are you'll need to compromise both somewhat.

Does all this advice seem overwhelming? Please do not feel that you need to remember all of it or even most of it. Did you notice that one of the most common words in the suggestions these homeschooling moms have made was “relax?“ Every family, every homeschooling mom and every child is different. If you are able to glean one thing from this…if even one tiny piece of advice written in this letter makes your homeschooling journey smoother for you…then it has been worth writing.

God bless you as you begin the exciting adventure of homeschooling your precious children.

In Christ
Kim

The Days are Long but the Years are Short (Feb/March Niche article)

2010-02-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

“Mom, can you play Apples to Apples with me?”

“Mom, I can’t find my other snow boot!”

“Mom, I was heading towards that chair and he jumped ahead and got it first and he KNEW I was going to sit there.”

“Mom, will you read me a story.”

“Mom, will you help me reach the paints?”

“Mom, my finger hurts.”

Does any of this sound familiar? These are all things that I heard today. How many times a day are we interrupted by our children? Usually more often than we bother to count. However, even though our children often interrupt us, we should not view our children as interruptions. Spending time with our children, whether it is to teach, correct, or just to develop a closer relationship with them, is so much more important than all the other things that may seem huge to us on a daily basis.

I certainly do not mean that we need to be a slave to our children’s whims and wishes. The children’s desires, activities and school work need to revolve around what is best for the parents’ schedule and not the other way around. The parents are the center of the family. The children are welcome additions but a family is not a democracy. God placed the parents to be in charge of the family unit, though of course God is ultimately in control.

Sometimes we have to tell a child, “I can’t read to you right now because it is time to start supper” or “I am sorry you can’t find your boot. I don’t have time to help you look for it right now so you will need to find it yourself. Next time put it back where it goes and it won’t be so hard to find it.” (Of course, if the dog is probably the one who ran off with it, the last sentence can be omitted.)

However, far to often I think we brush aside our children for far less important things. You will never hear the moms of grown children do you hear say, “If only I had kept a spotless house, had a huge garden and made gourmet meals every evening!” Instead I have heard older moms lamenting not spending more time with their children during their growing up years.

If the computer, the phone, television and even much more noble activities, like housework and church activities, are causing us to spend very little time truly interacting with our children, then it is probably time to do some praying and rethinking of how we spend our time.

By “spending time with your children,” I do not necessarily mean that it will work out to sit down and play a game or read to each child every day. It is fun and special to do those things whenever possible, but with all the other demands on our time (such as making time for our spouse, homeschooling, laundry, cleaning, and cooking) it's just not always possible. Though children should be a priority over household tasks, those things do still have to be done.

However, we need to make the most of each moment. When one of my children come to me with a problem, however large or small, I need to take the time to truly listen, to make eye contact with them and to respond in a loving manner. When two of the children are having a disagreement, I need to take the time to help them work through it in a Christ honoring manner. When a child needs my help briefly, I should take as much time as possible to help them.

Another thing I try to do is to have my children work along side of me instead of sending them to the other side of the house to do a chore. Obviously, this is not always practical, especially as they get older and can do more to help around the house on their own. However, when possible, I have my helper and me work together.

Simple gestures like a friendly, “Good morning!” or an “I love you” or a pat on the arm as they walk by or a “How is your day going?” will mean the world to a child. On a side note, it is much more pleasant for a child to spend the day with a cheerful, content mom than it is to spend the day with a grumpy or distracted mom.

I feel that I would be remiss if I did not mention that, as precious as it is to spend time with our children, the Lord and our husband need to be the two priorities over our children. We will be much better moms if we spend time daily in God’s Word and prayer. We will also be doing our children a great disservice if we do not make our marriage a top priority. Children who grow up in a home with constant tension between Mom and Dad will have a much harder time in life. They will feel more insecure and they will have a difficult time having a Godly marriage if it was not demonstrated for them while they were growing up. Though I try hard to spend time daily with my children, they know that when I am reading the Bible and praying or spending time with their Dad, it had better be pretty serious for them to interrupt me.

I am sure most of you have heard the quote from the title of my article. “The days are long but the years are short.“ Any woman who has been a mom any length of time at all knows that, even though the individual days may seem very long, the years fly by. My oldest child will be graduating from high school in a few short months. Wasn’t it just “yesterday” that he was a tiny, four pound, premature, long awaited, much prayed for baby boy? To say that the years have flown by is an understatement.

While writing this article, I have been interrupted three times. Once was to deal with a disagreement between two of my children. It was tempting to ignore it but I could tell they were not going to work it out on their own and parental involvement was needed. The second time I was interrupted was to talk to a son about something near and dear to his heart. I nearly missed that opportunity by being tempted to brush him off and telling him I was writing an article right now. The third time was for a more practical manner when one of the children needed to know where something was located.

Trust me, as I write this article, I am talking to myself as much, or even more, than I am talking to you. Making a conscious effort to spend time with our children is something most busy homeschooling moms need to make a daily effort to practice. May God bless you as you enjoy these “long“ days and “short“ years.

November 2009 Niche Article The Comparison Trap

2009-11-02T05:39:00.000-08:00

The Comparison Trap

Do you ever find that you compare yourselves to other homeschooling families? I know that I certainly have!

I have several friends who manage to be all done with school by late morning (and all of them have more children than I do). I have now accepted the fact that school takes us until mid and sometimes even late afternoon, for several reasons. However, for years I struggled with how efficient they seemed to be and how lacking our family apparently was in that area.

When I walk into a homeschooling family’s home and their house is perfectly neat and orderly, even when they are not expecting company, I start feeling very insecure about my own house, which never seems to be completely clean and uncluttered all at once.

Perhaps there are completely different ways that you compare your self to other homeschooling families. My friend, Donna, gave me a completely different perspective, one I needed to hear because I had no idea! I was amazed that a clean, neat, organized homeschooling mom would feel inadequate at times, too. This is what Donna shared with me:

“I am a very clean, neat, organized house keeper. I cannot tell you how often when reading home school articles or talking to other moms that I feel I come under attack because I like my house clean. I know this must sound crazy, but even when I felt that it was right to keep my house clean I began to doubt and to believe that all of the other voices must be right! After all, they all seem to be saying the same thing. I was a failure at home educating my children if my house was clean, and the laundry was done! My priorities must not be correct if my house is in order. I have struggled with this dilemma for several years. Believe it or not I even went through a period where I purposefully let my house become a mess because I was called to a ‘higher good‘.

I can report that it did not work well for me. I could not function. School and time with my children actually fell farther down the ladder because I was unable to function in this type of environment, so I just kind of gave up on all of it!

God created some people to be very neat, clean, and organized. I can give a first hand testimony as to how listening to other people's opinions about things can really mess you up! I finally went back to cleaning. I HAVE to start my day that way. If things are not in order, I cannot function. Call it a flaw if you all want to, but my God made me this way!

As I said, this was new to me and something I really needed to hear. When I read Donna’s email, I felt convicted because I had not only envied, but perhaps inwardly judged, homeschooling moms who keep a home like the one she describes.

When I was preparing this article, I wrote several homeschooling friends and asked them about their struggles in this area. I received so much good input that I feel that I should put their names on this article, too.

One mom who is having some difficulty right now, shared her thoughts with me. This mom has children who are struggling learners and I can fully relate to her fears. She wrote, “I am fearful of their not being able to get a job or have a recognized diploma. I tend to just not be involved with other homeschool families whose children I know are excelling and mine aren't as I don't want them to feel inferior. I know God is in control and that He will direct and guide us as we wait on Him, hopefully with more faith than I am feeling right now.”

Some moms shared how the Lord helped them get past their “need” to compare themselves to other homeschooling families.

Laura Lee wrote that she has struggled because she does not have her children in nearly as many activities as other families do. However, she concluded by saying, “I pray about it and ask the Lord to show me if that is something He wants me to do with our family. If I don't hear from Him, I just take that as a no. I know I can't do everything, that God has a definite path for my family, and it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with what others are doing.”

Sarah Duckstein wrote, “ I have to realize that we are not accountable to others' expectations or their own personal standards. It is God who called us to teach our children, so we are accountable to Him. Just as most of us have realized that different children have their own learning style that works well for them, I think different families have different "family styles" that shape how their homeschool works.”

Teressa Edwards wrote, “I spent many of the first years of our homeschool journey caught up in that "comparison trap." Basically, I never felt secure in what I was doing, so when I would see something other families were doing that looked better, I would switch gears and give it a try. Of course, trying new things in and of itself is not a bad thing, but I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I was trying to "keep up with the Jones" more than anything else. I did not have my children’s best interests at heart. Well, there came a point when the Lord convicted me that there was no other option but homeschooling for our family. The Lord used my dear husband to make me see that I needed to do things within our homeschool that were best for our family, not what was best for someone else. It has been a hard lesson to learn, and at times I still look longingly at the stories in the homeschool magazines, or see creative things another family is doing and am tempted to veer off of my set course. Keeping my eyes heavenward, and my heart with my children helps me stay on the path.”

One of my wonderful editors, Sarah Heywood, shared quite a bit from her heart with me about comparing ourselves to others. “Probably most moms fall into this in one area or the other. It starts in the nursery when we compare the development of our babies to others'. But as we get more experience with motherhood and more children, the comparisons tend to decrease. The same thing happens in homeschooling. It's in the early years of homeschooling, when we're the most insecure at what we're doing, that we tend to compare ourselves most to other homeschool moms. Confidence and experience take care of a lot of that. But, that's not to say it completely disappears.

I also find myself comparing myself to other moms who don't homeschool. I find myself envious of their always tidy homes and the time they have to themselves once all their children are in school. Often, they return to the workplace and are financially better off than we are, as a result. That's difficult for me. Their children seem to be doing well and I find myself wondering if I am sacrificing unnecessarily.

In the early years of homeschooling I spent a lot of time watching other moms. I looked at their teenagers and knew that was what I wanted for my boys once they reached that age. Their teens seemed extra polite, able to talk easily with adults, and had an innocence about them that I didn't see in other schooled teens. So, in order to have that down the road, I studied these moms. If they made a curriculum suggestion, I checked it out. If heir kids were going to a certain activity, mine were there too. Down the road, I wanted what they had, so I felt like I needed to do what they were doing.

That wasn't a completely bad idea. Example is a powerful teacher and as a new
homeschooling mom, I needed to learn by example. But as the years went by I began to feel more comfortable in my own homeschooling skin. I learned not to feel guilty about the things I couldn't provide for my boys, knowing that I was giving them something more valuable - my time..

It's a good idea to watch other moms as we learn how to homeschool. It doesn't hurt to implement some of the same things they do. That's how we find out what works and doesn't work for our own family. It's when we think that our family, our children, and our homeschooled days need to mimic others' that we run into trouble. God has never asked that of us. He has simply asked us to obey His leading in choosing to homeschool. The Bible instructs us to ask for wisdom if we lack it. In light of that, it's a good idea to pray about things we'd like to see in our children and in our own homeschool. Ask the Lord what He would have us to do. His plan for us is individual and much greater than anything we - or somebody that we are comparing ourselves to - could ever come up with.”

No matter how much others may think we have it together, most of us moms will, at some time or another, compare ourselves to others homeschooling families. The truth, however, is that God made each family as unique as He made each individual. No two families will homeschool exactly alike. God choose our particular children to be in our particular family. And it goes without saying that God is infinitely wiser than we are.

On the flip side, we need to be very careful not to make others feel inadequate for non-sin issues. Perhaps there is an area of our homeschooling where we feel that we really have it together. While, it is wonderful that something is working so well for our family, we need avoid pushing the idea on others and making them feel that they don’t measure up because they don’t do things our way.

Obviously, if we have sin issues in our life, we need to correct them. If we are watching television or on the computer all day instead of schooling and interacting with our children, we need to make some changes. If we are grumpy towards our children all the time, we need to work on our attitude (and perhaps get more sleep!). If we are not spending time in God’s Word and seeking Him for guidance in our homeschooling, then we need to recognize that our homeschooling life would go much better if we lean on Him for direction instead of trying to do it ourselves.

Sherry Newman shared several verses with me that were very helpful in preparing this article. One was,“God has promised to equip me for what He's called me to do (There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. I Corinthians. 10:13).

While we want to avoid the comparison trip, that does not mean that we can not learn from others. Another verse was “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend. Proverbs 27:17” God can and does use our sisters in Christ to sharpen us. However, after we pray about it and talk it over with our husband, if we do not believe the Lord is leading us in that particular direction, we need to be content. James 3: 16 tells us, “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”

While I was preparing this article, my pastor, Doug DeFord, shared something in a sermon that I thought was very applicable to this article and so I quoting him as best I can remember, “There is always a place for self evaluation. However, if we focus only on our failures, we will not run the race well. We should not compare ourselves to others but only to Christ.”

I would like to conclude with something Christine Scott wrote. Christine’s husband, Jim, went to be with the Lord a few years ago and she is raising three little boys by herself. “My first thought was a quote Jim once told me, 'Comparison is the root of discontentment.' I know that when I begin to compare, I get too hard on the boys, I get easily frustrated and the atmosphere in our home in not peaceful. I move away from what God had instructed me to do and try what worked for someone else instead, I know it makes me feel like I am not good enough and this attitude passes down to the boys. Comparison is flat out dangerous for I begin to meditate on lies. And one lie leads to another and before I know it, I am ready to give up my freedom to homeschool. How I avoid it? Check with my principal, My Lord, before I try what another homeschool mom does. God hand-picked me for to be my children's teacher and God hand-picked them to be my students. Another thing I catch myself at is comparing the children to each other. Then God brings to mind an article I read about each child being a different kind of arrow in a quiver. In Ladies Bible Study, we have been studying about being vessels of honor and we learned that some of us are made to be waterpots and others delicate vases but each of us has a purpose in His divine plan. I am trying to teach the kids this too as they compare themselves too.”

May God bless you as you homeschool your children in your own unique way.

(A big thank you to all you wonderful homeschooling moms who helped me write this article!)

Back to DC by Josh Stilwell

2009-09-30T15:20:00.000-07:00

We arrived at the Leadership Institute in Arlington, Virginia, after an already long day of traveling. I was looking forward to chilling, eating supper and going to bed…I should’ve known better. That night began a crazily jam-packed, but amazing, week of TeenPact Back to DC. After the introductions and getting to know some people, the leaders informed us that sessions would begin that very night.

All of the speeches that week were very good. They diffidently made us think. Christopher Stio did the first session on the real nature of politics. He talked about the presidential campaign between Johnson and Goldwater. He stated that being right in and of itself does not guarantee victory or change. The second session followed right after that. We had some really deep discussions about the purpose of the law and other issues. It was really amazing, but it didn’t take long before I was ready for bed.

I was a part of the group that has to stay at a hotel rather than the dorms at the Leadership Institute. Thought this meant we got a little less sleep, it turned out to be a great experience. Traveling in Metro with all these amazing guys and girls turned out to be some of the best and more memorable parts of the week.

The week was very intense. After getting to bed around midnight, we were up at 6:00 am and enthusiastic to start the day…at least that’s what we told people. Right after breakfast, we began our tour of the D.C. area. We assigned into different travel groups. I was in Group 1 (we had very original titles for our groups) and Jonathan Showman was our fearless leader.

We were able to see the Supreme Court Building - with the Ten Commandments engraved in stone on the walls. We then got a tour of the Capital Building. That was a lot of the fun. We oohed and aahed at the statues and painting of our nation’s leader and scenes from our history. Our guide told us that there were several paintings above several doors in the building. When the original artist painted them, he knew that America’s history was not yet over. Therefore, he left some blank. Some still remain blank to this day. It got be think about what will be put in those empty frames.

Next, we went to the Library of Congress. It was an amazing place. You could feel the history that was in that building. I don’t see how anyone going into the Library could deny our nation’s Judeo-Christian heritage. Mosaic architecture was everywhere. Pictures of angels guarded the building.

We returned to LI to begin our campaign activities. After being told some the fine points of campaigning, we read the biographies of five candidates. We were all assigned a candidate and charged with trying to get that person elected. I was assigned to Congressman Edward Edwards (his name’s so nice you gotta say it twice.)

The biography said that Edwards was veteran, a pro-life activist and an advocate of gun control. It was actually kind of fun getting to play devil’s advocate on some of the issues. We had an awesome campaign team. We all worked really well together and got to build relationships as we campaigned.

We had a blast coming up with slogans, writing speeches (I was the speechwriter), making press releases and the like. One of our team members couldn’t make it for part of it because he wasn’t feeling too good. But that was no big deal. Yet.

After a wonderful supper, we learned a little bit about public speaking and communication. We then studied the Lincoln Four Step system of targeting voters. We learned how to connect with and affect voters.

I believe that some of the best parts of TeenPact are not on the schedule. For me, one of the most enjoyable parts of the week was hanging out with all the people who stayed at the hotel. Because there wasn’t enough room at LI’s dorms, some of us had to stay at a hotel about 45 minutes away.

It was so much fun just hanging out with those guys and girls. One night, while waiting for a shuttle to the hotel, two of the guys treated us to some brake dancing. We would talk and swap stories at the Metro stops. Because we were dodging crazy Washington taxi drivers, Lydia Shanks established a no-death policy for the week. We strictly prohibited from dying.

Friday was particularly special because we got to spend all day at the Family Research Council’s Value Voters Summit. We got to hear some amazing speakers, including Governor Mike Huckabee, Cerrie Prejean, Major Blackwell, Star Parker and others. Then, on Saturday morning, we got to listen to even more speakers. These included Mitt Romney and Lila Rose.

After listen to all those amazing communicators, I was ready to jump out of my seat and take action. It was very motivational for me. We also got to hear from conservative filmmakers and veterans. It was fascinating to hear their opinions on their particular field.

We spent Saturday clad in our newly issued Back to DC t-shirts, which featured the caption, “We came. We saw. We walked. A lot.” That was a very accurate statement. After listening to some more wonderful speakers, we got to go on a monument tours.

That night was very emotional for me. Maybe it was just because I was so tired, but the beauty of those monuments hit home with me. We first went the Washington Monument. I was actually separated from my group on the way over. They claim it was my fault, but it was clearly theirs. Obviously.

At the Washington Monument, we took part in tradition by kissing the monument while everyone sang kiiisss the monument. We then linked arms and created a giant ring around the monument. It’s one thing to see pictures of the Washington Monument, but to be at its base and staring up at it is pretty special. Before leaving all of us mounted the marble benches and simultaneously jumped off as cameras clicked.

Then we went to the World War II Monument. For me, this is when the emotions started to hit home. It was a beautiful setting. The sun was just now setting. The white pillars stood there as a reminder of those who had died for my freedom. I found the Iowa pillar and just got me thinking about all the young men - people my age - who had died for this nation.

One of the intern girls reminded me that these monuments were built for a reason. Just like when the Israelites built the stone monument after crossing the Jordan, these structures were built so that the next generation would never forget what had happened.

Then we all marched over to the Korean War memorial. By that point, the sun had set and darkness had encompassed the monument. When we turned the corner, a silence gripped the group. Ghostly white figures of soldiers frozen in time met us. Their faces were filled with emotion as they stood amongst green shrubbery and tiny points of light.

Beside the ghostly figures was a small pound guarded by dark walls. The scene was both peaceful and haunting. Everyone started speaking in whispers. I just stood there, trying to take it all in. then we got to a sign, which pointed out the fact that these men had died for a country they did not know and people they had never met. It took me a moment to grasp the magnitude of that statement.

As I pondered those words, the Lord began to speak to me. I realized that as amazing at that was - and it is very awe inspiring - it was nothing compared to what Christ did. He died for His enemies. He died for me. At that point, I was overwhelmed. I literally got on my knees and thanked God for all that He had done for me.

Next, we went to the Lincoln Memorial. Our friends from the south relished the fact that the profile of Robert E. Lee could be seen on the back of Lincoln’s head. One the coolest parts of the night was getting to go the lawn outside the monument and have a worship service there. That night was defenently a highlight of my week.
Sunday we were treated to a special “home church service.” There was a special worship service. The last song we sang touched on the holiness of our God. This was followed up by a brief devotional from Lydia Shanks. She read from Isaiah 1 and stressed the importance of having a proper focus on bringing God glory as appose to ourselves. I found it very convicting.

Jonathan Showman gave the main devotional. It was on the subject of temptation. He brought out a lot of very good points. After he was done, he had us each write down some verses and then go to the rooftop to study them.

After I had finished studying those verses, I got out my notebook and wrote down all the things that my God had been teaching me during Back to DC. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t forget all that the Lord was going in my life.

We then divided up into groups based on which sites we had selected to see. I was with the group that went to the Holocaust Museum. One of the wonderful things about touring Washington with a group of TeenPacters was that we did everything from a Biblical worldview. Before we event left the Leadership Institute, we all gathered around and had a discussion on the sovereignty of God.

Visiting the Holocaust Museum was, of course, a very sobering experience. The magnitude of the onslaught against God’s people was shocking to the point of breath taking, even for those of us who had studied the Holocaust before. However, one girl in our group described the whole experience as an honor. And, in a way, it was. As we left the museum, the last thing we saw was a sign, which read, “Think About What You Just Saw.” We did.

After we left the Holocaust Museum, we had some slightly more upbeat adventures. We briefly visited the Smithsonian of American History. Though we only got to stay a few minutes (fifteen to be exact), the visit was memorable in its own respect.

When we returned to LI, we got busy on our campaigns. The elections were that night and we had a lot of work to do. There was going to be a two-hour debate that night and we still had letters to write and voters to interview. And an unexpected twist complicated things further.

Our candidate became very ill. He wanted to go through with it, but the rest of us decided that it was wasn’t a good idea. Therefore, we took some time to pray and then went to as the program director, Aaron Watson, if we could get a substitute. Aaron came back with an evil glimmer in his idea.

Grinning like a kid who had just been given fireworks, Aaron laid out a strategy for us. He said that we should hold a press conference and announce that Edward Edwards had tragically died and that his widow would now run in his place.

Naturally, we all loved the idea, but we had to move fast. The press conference would be in just a few minutes and we had to select a “Mrs. Edwards”, write the press announcement, put together a new biography and write a speech for our new candidate. This was harder because we were understaffed. Two of our people we sick and another had to leave early.

However, we managed to get it all together. We were still writing notes as the press conference began. Of course, our announcement woke everyone up. We were informed amidst the laughter that we had just made Back to DC history.

Our “Mrs. Edwards” did a wonderful job in the debate - as did all the candidates. The questions asked were not easy. There were times when I certainly didn’t pity the people who had to give answers. But everyone held their own and it was fun to watch.

Of course, the hour came when we learned how had won the election. Unfortunately, we did not win. But that didn’t really seem to matter to anyone. We had had a great time building our campaign.

After the excitement of the elections, things began to cool down as they gave us airport instructions. We then made our final trek to the hotel. When got there all the guys gathered in one of the rooms and we prayed for each other. We prayed that the decisions made that week would be long lasting. We prayed the fire that had been lit would never die. And we prayed that our God would be glorified through it all.

We woke up the next morning bright and early (which was no longer a big deal to us) and headed back to the Leadership Institute for the last time. From there a shuttle would pick us up and take us to the airport. At LI we ate breakfast amidst a stream of goodbyes. The morning basically consisted of hugging this person, shaking this person’s hand and promising to keep in touch with this other person.

It was so great getting to me all those wonderful people. And later that morning, Aaron gave us an excuse to tell everyone just that. We all taped pieces of paper to our backs and wrote each other notes on them. This was all done under the stipulation that we couldn’t read them until after we got on the plane.

Before long, it was time for my group to head out to the airport, but only after a stop at Starbucks. I had fun fellowshipping one last time with the people in the van. Before we knew it, we were on the plane. After a brief delay in Chicago we made back home…and into the real world. Now it’s my responsibility to act upon everything I learned.

October 2009 Niche Article

2009-09-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

Lessons Learned While Camping

Recently, my family spend twenty-four hours camping at Lake Aquabi near Indianola. While we were technically not “doing school,” God taught us so many lessons over that brief period of time that I almost thought I should be able to count it as a school day!

Lesson #1: “Remember there are still chicks in our nest even when one chick is missing.”

At first I did not want to go camping because Joshua, our oldest son who is seventeen, was in Washington DC for a TeenPact event. I knew it would not be the same without the whole family there with us. However, the Lord gently reminded me that I had four more children who would enjoy the family time together. He also reminded me that my oldest is now a young man and as he goes to Bible College, and even eventually gets married, he will no longer be part of many of our family activities. Josh believes the Lord has called him to be a pastor and, as a mom, it is my job to step back and encourage him to pursue the goal God has given him. As it turned out, we all missed him very much on our camping trip, but we had a very nice time with our younger four children. It was also exciting to see Joseph and Josiah rise up and help their Dad with many of the things that Josh would have normally helped Jeff do, such as put up the tent and gather firewood.

My five children will not always be in our home. Someday God may give them homes and families of their own. As they leave our nest, I need to learn to adjust and to remember that I need to continue mothering the children still in our home and trust to the Lord those He has led elsewhere.

Lesson #2: “Trust God when scary things happen.”

We had no sooner packed our van, pulled out of our driveway and gone half a block when my worst nightmare occurred. My husband Jeff very calmly said, “The brakes just gave out.”

Since Jeff has quite the sense of humor at times, I thought he surely must be joking so I asked incredulously, “Are you serious?”

His clipped “Yes” and the look on his face told me that he was very serious indeed.

The next minute or two, until Jeff was able to maneuver the van to a stop, was one of the scariest of my life. The children in the back seat were scared, too, but thankful they stayed silent as we all prayed. Praise the Lord that no other vehicles came through the two intersections we went through and that no child ran out in front of us. As frightening as it was, though, throughout the whole thing, I had peace that God was in control.

We still ended up going camping. We took another vehicle and managed to arrive safely at Lake Aquabi only three hours after we originally anticipated arriving.

Lesson # 3: “Just because we go on vacation doesn’t mean we leave our sinful nature home.”

Even though we had a lovely time together at Lake Aquabi, there were moments when our sinful natures reared their ugly heads. Two of my children argued several times while we were on our camping trip I wanted to just overlook it and distract them instead of dealing with their hearts on the issue. After all, we were on vacation, even it if was a twenty-four hour one! But then I realized that just because we were on vacation did not mean we could overlook and ignore our children’s sins.

Likewise, I struggled with my own sinful nature several times over the weekend. I became impatient with different member of my family more than once. I nagged my husband (more on that later). I ate s’mores to the point of gluttony. Several times I found myself needing to pause to ask the Lord’s forgiveness.

Lesson #4: “We can be nice and show respect to others even if they don’t treat us the same way.”

We had to have had the nosiest camping neighbors in the whole place! They laughed and talked loudly long into the night. Even when the DNR came at 11:50 PM and asked them to quiet down, they continued to be loud, oblivious to all those sleeping in tents just a few feet away from them, including us. At one point I turned to my husband on the air mattress next to me and told him, “I want to go home” and, at that moment, I meant it with all my heart. I was ready to take down our tent, pack up and head home in the middle of the night. They were very loud into the wee hours of the morning.

The next day, we had several opportunities to interact with these camping neighbors. We chatted several times and shared sharpened sticks with them (for roasting marshmallows). Our children learned the valuable lesson that just because someone annoys or irritates us, that is not a reason to be unkind to them. It was basically an opportunity to 'return good for evil,' although "evil" seems like too strong of word to use for their lack of consideration for us

Lesson #5: “Hiking is a lot like life.”

I almost subtitled this lesson “Contrary to popular belief, Iowa is not flat.” On Saturday morning, the six of us walked around Lake Aquabi. The hike itself was only a little over three miles long. However, keep in mind that the trail went up and down steep hills. The trail was also uneven and had many roots and stones along the way. Towards the end, Jennifer, our youngest, and I were getting really tired. The last mile felt like it would go on forever…and ever!! But we had to get back to our tent and so we had no choice but to keep going. Even though we were tired, Jennifer and I encouraged each other along.

Joseph, Josiah, Jessica and our dog Pooch enjoyed running ahead and they were back at the tent resting by the time we arrived. Jeff went much slower than he needed to because he made sure that Jennifer and I were always in his sight. He looked back often to make sure we were okay and often dropped back to walk with us. Jeff jogs several times a week and could have easily been the first one back at the tent. However, he chose to stay with the slowest ones in our little group to make sure we got back safely.

Life is like that, too. Often the trail of life gets long or steep or bumpy or narrow and we want to give up. Yet we, as Christians, can and should encourage each other to keep going when the trail gets extra tough. The faster, more “fit” Christians can edify and encourage the younger or more “out of shape” Christians along life’s often difficult road.

Lesson #6: “Nagging my husband puts a wedge in our relationship.”

Sigh! I try hard not to nag my husband but sometimes that part of my sinful nature rears its ugly head. When we arrived at our campsite, it was warm and I had my window down. I forgot to roll it up before Jeff turned the vehicle off. When I noticed this, I became concerned that a raccoon or some other critter would get into our station wagon in the night and into our food supply. Since Jeff had the only key, I wanted Jeff to turn on the car again so I could roll up the window but every time I asked him, he said he would do it later. I asked him at least ten times throughout the afternoon. Looking back, my timing was often terrible. I kept asking him when he was busy putting up the tent or gathering firewood or some other needful activity. Eventually, he himself rolled up the window but I put a temporary wedge in our relationship, however small it might have been. It is very hard for a husband to feel very loving towards a wife who is constantly nagging him to do something that he just can’t or doesn’t want to do at that moment.

When I am tempted to nag my husband, I try to ask myself, “What is the worst case scenario?” Usually, it is not nearly bad enough to justify my nagging. In this case, the worst case scenario, if the car window had not been rolled up, would have been that a critter could have gotten into our food and we would have had a bit of a mess to clean up and we would have had to go into the nearby town to buy more food. Neither of those things are worth me becoming a nagging wife.

Lesson #7: “God’s creation is amazing!”

Since we love nature, we truly enjoyed the fact that most of the weekend, we were outdoors. The whole weekend we marveled at God’s creation. What human being could possibly come up with so many shapes and sizes of trees? And who could imagine that there would be so many shades of green? The wild flowers were abundant and colorful. The lake was beautiful, especially in the morning when a light fog drifted across it. There were so many different kinds of birds. The chorus, “What a Mighty God We Serve” kept going through my head as we looked around at God’s creation. If, for no other reason, the camping trip was worth it just to be able to admire the beautiful world God made and to stand in awe of our Creator.

Conclusion

I could include a few more lessons like not bringing one’s dog on a camping trip and watching out for tent stakes sticking out of the ground but since those don’t necessarily have spiritual applications, I decided to leave those out. I am thankful for the opportunity our family had to go camping and for the lessons we learned, or were at least reminded of while we were camping. I praise the Lord that He is faithful to teach us these things as we go through life, even on a family camping trip

Family Update

2009-09-18T07:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family,

The children are packing to go camping. I am glad they all old enough to do their own packing. We plan to leave shortly after lunch. We will probably go to Lake Ahquabi but are also considering Yellowbanks and the Ledges. Nothing like making last minute decisions. :-)

Josh won't be going camping with us because he is in Washington DC! He has wanted to go as long as I can remember. The Lord provided the money in a very special way and he was able to go with Teenpact. They will be at a conference, do sight seeing, spend some time on Capitol Hill and more. Yesterday we received an email from Senator Harkin for Josh talking about his contact with him. Since Sen. Harkin and our family are on opposite ends of political spectrum, the conversation must have been interesting. Sen Harkin referred to "your views and concerns regarding the UN Convention on the Rights of a Child" in such a way that I am quite sure that Josh told him exactly what he thinks of it (respectfully, I am sure). I remember someone telling me (when Josh was about 12) that carrying on a conversation with Josh was like pulling teeth because he was so shy. I think we can safely say that Josh is no longer shy. :-) Apparently, he is now confronting Senators on Capitol Hill. The Lord has really used Teenpact to help him overcome his shyness.

Soccer season started a few weeks ago and, as usual, all of us are enjoying it very much. The children love both the playing and the social aspect of it. Jeff likes coaching the 14 to 18 year old teen boys. I enjoy visiting with the other homeschool soccer moms. It is interesting to hear the conversations on the way home. The boys talk about the score and who made a great pass and who made a goal, etc. The girls talk about what their friends said and did. Who said God didn't make boys and girls different?? :-)

The girls have started taking piano lessons with Alissa DeFord. They are really enjoying their lessons and dearly love their teacher. So far they are practicing diligently without any reminding on my part.

After a year of agonizing, praying, sleepless nights and struggling, Jeff and I made the decision for our family to start attending Bethany Baptist Church. We have complete peace about going to Bethany but leaving Altoona Baptist was the hardest decision we have ever made in our lives. Leaving the people we have fellowhsipped with and worshipped with for twenty-two years was heartbreaking. We still have many dear friends at Altoona Baptist and will always hold the church near and dear to our hearts. We are really enjoying getting to know the people at Bethany and really believe it is a good fit for our family.

Off to pack for our camping trip. I hope all of you have a good weekend.

Love
Kim
Jeff, Kim, Joshua (17), Joseph (14), Josiah (12), Jessica (10) and Jennifer (8) Stilwell
"Failure is not final; it is merely the opportunity to start over again wiser than before."
Author Unknown

September Niche Article...Confessions of a Non-Perfectionist

2009-08-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, you know that I am not a perfectionist.

The bottom of my children’s socks are stained. I am not going to spend hours scrubbing socks when few people see the bottom of them. (Okay, I admit that I have been embarrassed a few times when they went to the chiropractor with stained socks!)

I don’t panic if there are a few bread crumbs in the jelly. In addition to this, our silverware is always mismatched. (In fact it amazes me that anyone even notices when their silverware is not matched or that there are a few crumbs in the jelly jar.)

Where I store something in the kitchen cupboards all depends on where I can make it fit.

My philosophy on both interior decorating and fashion is, “Hey, it doesn’t clash!”

If you stop by my home, unannounced, on any given afternoon, you will probably find me on the couch reading to the children, completely ignoring several stacks of paper and clutter on the piano and bookshelf that should be taking my time and attention. There will probably also be a basketful of laundry sitting on the floor that hasn’t quite made it downstairs to the laundry room yet. I know those messes need my time and attention, too, but I just can't be bothered when I have more important things to do!"

Though it used to bother me greatly that I did not do things as well as other people, it no longer does. In fact, I am thankful that my personality does not stress over having everything perfect. While I greatly admire homeschooling moms who manage to run their homes so perfectly, I, personally, don’t think I could live like that. Having said that, however, there are some areas where I try very hard to be a perfectionist. Some things are too important to leave undone. Here are a few of them:

Scripture Memory: Hiding God’s Word in our hearts is top priority at our house. How many times have you been tempted to sin and a verse came to your mind, pricked your heart and you made the wise decision not to indulge in that sin? How many times has a passage of Scripture comforted you in your darkest hour? How many times has the Lord brought a particular verse to your mind when you were faced with a difficult decision. If we do not have Scripture passages memorized, they can not help us in these situations.

We begin every school day in prayer and going over memory verses. It is amazing how many verses you can learn in one year if you repeat them two or three times every morning. Jeff, my husband, has always encouraged me to make the Bible the top priority in our daily routine. Occasionally, math, reading and other subjects do not get done for various reasons but we try very hard to begin every day by memorizing God’s Word.

Godly Character: They say confession is good for the soul but bad for the reputation. Perhaps I am putting my reputation at risk when I admit that I am not as much a perfectionist in the area of my children’s character as I should be. There are times when there will be three or four squabbles in one morning between the same two children before I actually do something about it. There are times when I am so busy with daily life that it is easy to overlook a bad attitude. And, much to my shame, I admit that I have occasionally even allowed my children to treat me with disrespect.

However, I am constantly seeking ways to improve in this area because it is very important to me that my children have a Godly character. I often tell my children that they represent our family, homeschooling and most of all our Savior. I remind them that if they behave in a selfish, ungodly way it will make our family, homeschooling and Christianity look bad.

One of the best ways to build Godly character in our children is to read God’s Word to them, help them memorize Scripture and constantly pray for them. Something else that is very important is to have consequences for ungodly behavior. If the consequence for negative behavior outweighs what ever satisfaction the child receives as a result of their sin, they will think twice about doing it over and over again.

We have one child who struggled with a bad attitude during school time. One thing this child did is what I call “playing dumb.” Though I knew this child understood the material perfectly, they would pretend not to get it. After praying about it and talking it over with Jeff, I settled on an approach. The next time this child didn’t “get it,” I said, “Oh, I am so sorry that you are not understanding it. To make sure that you understand it better, we’d better do extra math problems today.” After doing this three or four times, this child suddenly began to understand it the first time. The negative consequence was worse than the satisfaction of trying to get out of school work.

Praise is also very important. I think that many of us parents neglect this. We are always after our children for their sinful behavior but fail to praise them for their Godly choices and behavior. Proverbs tells us to give honor where honor is due. When we praise our children and say things like, “I saw the way you were nice to the boy at church after he called you a bad name. It pleases me so much that you chose to return good for evil. And even more importantly it pleases God” it will encourage them to make Godly choices in the future.

Family and Personal Devotions: I am so thankful to be married to a husband who makes having family devotions a top priority. If you call our home between 7:00 and 7:30 each evening, you will nearly always get our voice mail because during that time our family is having our family devotions. We read the Bible, read Bible stores, pray and sing. I realize that not every husband takes the time to do this with his family and that can be very frustrating to the wife. However, instead of “nagging” her husband, which will probably not do any good anyway and will only cause tension in the home, a mom can still take the time to read the Bible and pray with her children every day, even if her husband is not involved.

Jeff is also a wonderful example to our family of someone who spends time in God’s Word on a daily basis. It is a very rare day that Jeff does not spend time praying and studying God’s Word. I confess that I have struggled with this more than Jeff, but over the past couple of years, I have learned to make my private time alone with God very, very high on my priority list.

Personal Bible reading time and prayer for each child is written right into our daily schedule. They may choose what part of the Bible to read and they may choose how long to spend in Bible reading and prayer, but I know they are in God’s Word each day and that is very important to both Jeff and me.

Conclusion: As you begin this school year, try not to worry about the little things. Life will go on if your child goes out in public wearing one blue sock and one white sock. If you wonder why there are fifteen glasses between meals when there are only five in your family, perhaps you need some sort of system, but don’t have a nervous breakdown over it. If your pastor’s wife stops by when your living room is cluttered, life as you know it won’t come to an end. If you don’t manage to get science and history done that day, don’t panic, your child will not grow up uneducated.

However, if your child grows up and does not have God’s Word hidden in his heart to call upon when needed, that will be a true tragedy. If your child does not make spending time in God’s Word a top priority, they will not be able to live a truly Spirit filled life. If your child is selfish and mean spirited, that is truly a heartbreak.

So, while I don’t normally encourage people to try to be a perfectionist, in these particular areas, I encourage you to strive for perfection. May God bless you as you become a “perfectionist” in what is truly important to help your child become more like Christ.

The Latest Happenings in the Stilwell Gang

2009-07-09T20:34:00.000-07:00

--Jeff’s brother David’s family spent five days with us in June. We really enjoyed the time with them. Both David and Kandie helped us with a lot of things on our “need to do list,” both inside and outside the house. The children had fun with their cousins. We missed Ben and Rebekah, the older two kids, who were taking a module at FBBC.

--Jeff’s brother Jon and his family arrived from Peru for their year of furlough. Jeff picked them up at the airport and we were able to spend a couple of hours together before they traveled to their home (for the year) in Creston, which is a little over an hour from us. It has not worked out to get together again…hopefully soon.

--My sister Kara and her three daughters, my sweet nieces Gwinna (8), Miranda (6) and Anna (3) came for a brief but fun-packed and busy visit. We went swimming, we took the five girls (Kara’s three and my two) to Build-a-Bear at the mall where each girl got to make her own stuffed animal, we got lost and took the scenic way home from the mall, we shopped, we stayed up late talking and just had a great time together. On Saturday we all got together in Omaha at Mom and Fred’s home and enjoyed an afternoon together, including Fred’s wonderful steaks.

--Jeff’s parents have come to the USA for a few weeks. They arrived late the evening of July 3 and left mid morning on July 4th but it was nice to get to see them for a few hours. They are in Ohio and Indiana right now but they will be back this coming week. They will be here (I think) until we all go to a Stilwell family reunion in Minnesota at the end of July. Martha will arrive in the middle of the month. We are looking forward to spending time with all of them.

--Josiah, Jessica and Jennifer are taking swimming lessons this week and next week. The girls love it, Josiah tolerates it but is liking it a little more each day. I really like their teacher…a young man in about his late teens/early twenties, who challenges them in a patient and kind yet firm way. The three kids and I bike to their lessons and back each day…three mile round trip. We are getting our exercise. Today I had to make the trip twice (long story..the kids only made the trip there and back once) and so I am rather sore tonight.

--Our lives have been consumed lately with our bathroom. Perhaps I should explain. We had a huge black mold issue in our bathroom. Jeff had to completely “gut” the bathroom, including the floor and walls. It has been a very frustrating process as complications and problems have seemed to arise every step of the way. I admire Jeff’s patience and perseverance so much! In spite of the project taking far more time, energy and money than we anticipated, I have not seen him upset even once (a bit frustrated a time or two, perhaps). The Lord sent help along the way through Jeff’s cousin Daniel, Jeff’s brother David and Ron Harris (a plumber in our church).

--Joseph will be fourteen on Monday!! I can’t believe he is that old. He is very pleased with the fact that he is now taller than Josh. We are seeing him grow and mature in many ways lately. He is a blessing in our lives. We will wait and celebrate his birthday on Thursday (July 16) evening when Grandpa and Grandma Stilwell and Aunt Martha will be here.

--I could have written a whole blog update on getting lost with my sister and on why I had to make an extra trip to and from the swimming pool on my bike today. I may just do that one of these days…but I will spare you for now.

Joshua's report about TeenPact National Convention

2009-06-12T19:37:00.000-07:00

National Convention Report

Anticipation outweighing weariness, I staggered out of bed at 3:00 am on May, 27th. I ate a quick breakfast and did some last minute packing. Next thing I knew, I was on my way to Des Moines International Airport. From there I would fly to Milwaukee and than to Atlanta. From there I would be shuttled to Fort Bluff Camp in Dayton, Tennessee. This would be the sight of TeenPact Leadership School’s 2009 National Convention.

I’ve been involved with TeenPact in some way or another since I was six. And almost since that time, people have been telling me that I needed to attend National Convention. However, for various reasons I was unable to go until this year. Needless to say, I was very excited. I arrived at the Des Moines airport where I met up with my traveling buddies.

From Des Moines, we flew to Milwaukee. At Milwaukee, we had our first noteworthy experience. I was wondering around the airport to check on my baggage. I had left my carryon with my friends. Being the intelligent fellow that I am, I unwittingly wandered passed a security point. I was not allowed to get to the other side - and to my gate - without my boarding pass, which I had left in my carryon.

Therefore, with ten minutes until boarding, I rushed over to the ticket counter, showed them my ID and quickly got another boarding pass. Then, I raced over to security. As I was being checked in, I heard my name announced over the pager. With my plain about to board and the hallways nearly empty, I began sprinting through the Milwaukee airport. The airport staff began cheering me on and man with a microphone practically gave a play-by-play of my indoor dash. However, I made to the plane and everything went well from there.

When we arrived at Atlanta, we wondered about trying to find the baggage claim. I’d been to the Atlanta airport before, but had forgotten how huge it was. After introductions, we drove out to Fort Bluff Camp. On the way there, we got to know the people in our van. We arrived at the camp and were greeted by the people there. I got to see some people hadn’t seen for a while. It was absolutely amazing.

After registration and dinner, we were treated to our first speaker. His name was Justin Neal, a former TeenPact student who currently sits on the board of directors. He had a lot of enthusiasm and humor, but at the same time was very convicting.

The next day we started our tradition NC routine. At 9:00, we had our first session. Will Simpson gave various announcements. Harrison Lloyd also became a hit when he modified several pop culture songs to advertise for other alumni events.

We also had an amazing worship service that was followed by our guest speaker, though in all reality he was hardly a guest. His name is Aaron Watson. He had been a student, an intern and is currently working at the national office. Aaron talked a lot about apologetics and the best way to defend our faith.

After Aaron’s speech, we had our first small group breakouts. The students had all been divided into groups, each beginning with the prefix ‘un’. My group was called Unfazed. In these groups we discussed what we had learned in our personal devotions earlier that morning. It was incredible to hear how God had been working in other people’s lives.

Directly after was lunch, which was in turn followed by the afternoon session. The afternoon session consisted of worship, announcements and than the primary election. I had signed up to run for representative kind of on a whim. There’s a good chance that this will be my only year to get to go to NC, so I wanted to make the most of it. For someone who used to be incredibility shy, I’m fairly comfortable speaking in public. However, I still get those butterflies directly before I open my mouth. Praise be to God, once I started speaking I felt okay. I was told later that, despite my nervousness, I looked natural, which was largely my goal. However, I had to wait until the end of the day to hear the results.

Next we had some free time. During that period, the first rounds of the Ultimate Frisbee Tournament were held. While I did not participate, a lot of my friends did, so it was loads of fun to watch. During this free time I got to meet a lot of new people and become reacquainted with people I hadn’t seen in years.

After supper, we had another worship service and another speaker. This time it was Chad Warren from Summit. He talked about being an ordinary Christian that is, living as a “little-Christ” every day, all the time. He also described historical stories about the early church. The told how they would crawl through the dung piles to save unwanted children who had been left there to day. Mr. Warren related those events to the kind of unglamorous work required to end abortion and other modern evils.

That night we were treated to TeenPact News - TPN. Two of the interns acted as the news anchors and they recounted some memorable primary moments, showed some humorous “commercials” and gave the primary results. Nice representatives made it out of each party. Now, I had not put a lot of stock in winning or even making it out of primaries.

As the announced the names I clapped for each of the winners. My claps varied from polite, to passionate, to elated, depending on how well I knew the candidate. About half way through a polite clap, I stopped, realizing that it was my name I was applauding.

On Friday, I was beginning to feel the wear and tear of the week. One of the complaints about NC is that it’s only four days long. However, if they had packed any more into the week I probably would have killed myself. In addition, the beds were - nicely put - a little less than comfortable. And the bright, glowing red exit sign above my bed didn’t help matters. Naturally, the ladies had better lodging arrangements. We would tease them about requesting room service and needing to fix their elevators.

Friday’s morning speaker was Woody Robertson from CollegePlus. Mr. Robertson stated that teenagers need to become more involved. During this speech I learned that high school is a relatively new concept. It used to be that people would go straight from grade school to college. As a result, young people became more involved in their culture at an earlier age. He had several good points about the steps necessary for my generation to take if we are to impact society.

At this time I want to mention one of my favorite parts of the week. During the morning session we would brake out and have a time of personal Bible reading. It was wonderful to get to keep up with my personal devotions. One of the things that the Lord really spoke to me about that week was humility. After being surrounded by God’s creation and being influenced by some of the most passionate and devoted Christians I’ve ever met, I couldn’t help but stand in awe. God just really showed me how great He is and how undeserving I am to even be called His child.

That afternoon, we had the open forum for the remaining candidates. When I stood up with the rest of the representative candidates, I had no idea what I was going to say or do. As each of us gave our 30-second speech, I just prayed that I would say the right thing. When I got up, I told everyone that I liked to keep things sort and sweet but that I just wanted to encourage them to redeem the time and make the most of every opportunity God has given them.

One of Friday’s highlights was our guest speaker, Lila Rose. Lila Rose was involved in an infamous project in which she would go undercover to Planned Parenthood and pretend to be a 13 year old girl who was pregnant. While being interviewed by the Planned Parenthood employee, Lila Rose would make a point of saying that her supposed boyfriend was over eighteen. Because this qualifies as statutory rape, Planned Parenthood is obligated to report it to the authorities. Every time she went on one of the undercover operations, Planned Parenthood did not report the incident.

Lila Rose has a lot of passion and enthusiasm. She got all of us to start thinking about what we could do in this area. At the end of the speech, Mr. Echols decided to take up an improvised offering. Frisbees were passed around and we raised almost 3,000 dollars.

That night we had some more TPN. One of the themes that they had been playing was the supposed protest of parents who wanted the right to vote. On two big screens, parents were shown holding up signs and singing equality-themed songs. Later they had another clip in which the now former TeenPact president and intern, Adam Martin, held a “press conference.” In that press conference he declared that his last act as president would be to give parents the right to vote. And vote they did…

The next day, polls opened bright and early at 7:00 am. People were waking up hours ahead of time to ensure that they would get to vote before the polls closed at 9:00. I got there at 7:30 (I had no intention of waking up at 6:00 to vote in a mock election) and found that there was already a massive line. A little begrudgingly, I meandered through the line, talking with people and hoping that the line did in fact end eventually.

This year the voting took place electronically. We all get a special ID number and voted on the computer. After I voted, I wondered over to the dining hall and got breakfast. As I was taking with the others at my table, one of the interns came and announced that the computers had crashed and all the votes had been lost. At first we thought he was joking. But, come to find out, all of our votes had indeed been lost. So, we unenthusiastically got back in line to vote again. Though we weren’t too happy about it at the time, it did give us some unique bragging rights. I mean, who else can say they voted twice for the same candidate in the same election?

About the same time the polls closed, we had another guest speaker. His name was Steve Crum, a senior pastor from Indiana. Mr. Crum is also a Guest Director for TeenPact. He had come to Iowa many times, including last year. It was a lot of fun to get to see him again.

That day during free time, a bunch of us got together a played a game called sign. It was a great way to get to know people from all over the country. It’s amazing to meet some many different people from different backgrounds. Sometimes, it seemed like the only thing we had in common was our faith in Christ. The cool thing was that that was all we needed.

That night we had the general election results, complete with TPN, news anchors, big screens, electoral maps and loads of excitement. The senate and representative races were decided by popular vote. However, the presidential race was determined by electoral votes. Each state was assigned a number of electoral votes based on how many people attended the state class.

All three of the presidential candidates - Mark Minyard, Mike McGee and Tom Radcliffe - stood a good chance of winning. The news anchors would announce the votes from each individual state with the help of a color coded map. Iowa went to Mark Minyard. Senate and representative races were also shown on the screens.

At one point, there were some technical difficulties and the anchors had to do about twenty minutes of improvisation, calling up “quests” and making various observations. Finally, the screens came back up and things proceeded. When all the votes came in Mark had the popular vote. However, the electoral vote was a lot closer. Mike McGee had 42 electoral votes and Mark Minyard and Tom Radcliffe were tied at 46 apiece. To break the tie, last year’s congress was called up. Six were present and the votes were split four to two. Tom Radcliffe was the new president of the TeenPact student body.

A lot of people have asked how I did in the elections. Well, I lost. However, the night was hardly a disappointment. A lot of people I new won and I was very happy for them. By the end of the night we were all exhausted. By the time we got to be, it was tomorrow morning. As a result, we were all a little slow at getting to breakfast at 8:00 am.

It was Sunday, so things were a little different that day. Mr. Echols, who happens to be an ordained minister, led the service that morning. In addiction the usually music and preaching, they had a communion service. Mr. Echols talked about coming to God with a pure heart.

Since it was our last full day, Sunday was rather conclusive. We had our final small group discussion. There were a lot of neat people in my group and we all got our picture taken together at the end of the meeting. Our last speaker was Jeff Myers. He has a great since of humor, which he used to illustrate a lot of really good and practical points.

That was the championship for the Ultimate Frisbee Tournament. Though I had not participated in the tournament, I had followed it closely. The final game was between Sunshine and Seattle’s Best. Snacks and drinks were setup outside and the game took place under massive stadium lights. Fatigue, adrenaline and sugar were all combined. We talked, sang and did all sorts of crazy things as we cheered our team on. The Iowans got together and made a human pyramid. It was an amazing sendoff for the week.

The next morning, I got up and said my goodbyes. Then we all loaded up into our various shuttles. Mr. Echols was my driver. It was a lot of fun talking to him and listening to his stories. As we drove into Atlanta, he gave us a little highway-view tour of the city. After a long wait in Atlanta and another long wait in Milwaukee, we were finally home. Before we drove home, those of us who had made the journey together found a corner and thanked the Lord for all He had done for us that week.

Children Who Learn Differently/Struggling Learner Niche Workshop

2009-06-06T19:18:00.001-07:00

Children Who Learn Differently

Thank you for coming today. If you have chosen to attend this workshop, you probably have a child who learns differently. This workshop is not going to have a lot of specific methods in helping learning disabled children. Every struggling learner is different and I have no sure-fire answers for each individual child. I have included some reference pages where my family and others parents who have struggling learners have received some help. I hope you will find the resources listed there to be very helpful. However, the main purpose of this workshop is to encourage you. If you leave this workshop feeling encouraged that you can indeed homeschool your struggling learner, than my goal will have been accomplished.

Let me begin by saying that I do not care for the term “learning disabled.” I much prefer the term “children who learn differently.” However, for the sake of simplicity and because the term “learning disabled” and “struggling learner” rolls off of my tongue more easily than “children who learn differently” you will hear me use them in this workshop.

The Lord, in His great wisdom and sovereignty, has seen fit to give my husband and me some children with learning difficulties. I would like to share several things that have helped me in educating my children who learn differently. First, though, I’d like to tell you our story.

When it was time to begin homeschooling our oldest son, everything went exactly as it should. He was eager to learn and he learned to read fairly quickly. He struggled in one or two areas, like most children do, but over all he was, and is a very good student.

Of course this gave me confidence as a homeschooling Mom and I was sure there would not be any trouble homeschooling the rest of my children.

My second son was eager to learn to read like his big brother. I felt that he needed an extra year of maturity, so we waited until he was six years old to start Kindergarten. The first day of school I dutifully began to teach him the vowel sounds. The problem was that after a month of working on them, he could not remember a single one. I decided that it must be that the curriculum did not work for him so I reluctantly spent the money and ordered a program that was supposed to work wonders with children who struggled with phonics. Six months later, he knew ten letter sounds and had yet to be able to combine them to form them into a word. He had a few words memorized but even sight words were difficult for him. He had also gone from being eager to learn to read to hating every minute of it. It broke my heart.

To make a long story short, it took two long years for him to learn his letter sounds and at least that long to form them into words. Once he could finally read three letter, one vowel words and four letter long vowel words, he had to painfully sound out each word. Now, after eight years of tears, frustration, prayer, research, and even outside help, he is reading at about a third grade level.

I was sure our next three children would do just fine in school. After all, many families have one child who struggles in school. Well, though they do not struggle to the extent that our second son does, all three of our younger children also have learning disabilities from very mild to fairly severe.

For years, I struggled with the fact that some of my children are not academically “normal” children. I would hear other homeschooling moms talk about how intelligent and advanced their homeschooled children were. I would wonder what was wrong with our family, most of all, what was wrong with me as a teacher. When 80% of the students have varying degrees of learning disabilities, surely it is the teacher’s fault! I knew that their academic struggles were certainly not from lack of trying on my part, but was I doing it wrong?

Gradually, for I am a slow learner myself sometimes, the Lord has taught me that my job is to be faithful. God has called me to homeschool my children. My job is to teach them with the best of my ability. The outcome is not in my hands, but in the hands of our Savior. That brings me more comfort and confidence than I can possibly express.

Over the years, the Lord has taught me many things concerning my children who learn differently. Here are some of them:

The first and most important thing I have learned is to pray, pray, pray! I cannot rely on my own strength and wisdom to help my child. I need wisdom from my Heavenly Father. So many times I have been SURE I should teach my child a certain way. Then, after prayer, the Lord has led me in a completely different direction which turned out to be the best one for my child. It is important to be open to the Lord’s leading, even if it goes against what we may think is best.

I have even learned to pray through out the day. In moments of frustration, I silently pause for a moment to ask the Lord for wisdom. Occasionally, when one of my children is upset or frustrated, I will take them by their hand and pray for them outloud.

Secondly, I learned to not worry about well meaning homeschooling moms who have completely “normal” children and are sure that if you homeschooled their way, your children would not have any academic struggles. They really are not trying to be arrogant. They truly do want to help. I have learned to look at their hearts instead of the words that used to hurt me.

No one can completely understand something they have not been through. I have a friend whose husband was deployed for a year. I could sympathize and pray for her, but I could not truly understand what it is like to have a husband gone for a year, especially being in such a dangerous situation. Likewise, parents who do not have children who struggle in school cannot understand what it is like. They can sympathize and pray for us, and I treasure friends who do this. However, unless they have walked in our shoes, they do not fully understand.

So when another homeschooling mom or a grandma or anyone else, comes to you with the perfect answer for your child’s struggles (more often than not, it will be something you have already tried) just smile and thank them for their concern. Usually a polite “I am really glad that works for your family.” is all that is needed. I have learned not to go home and stew about it. I remind myself that they have struggles in their life that I can’t possibly understand.

Third, while I love to read homeschooling books and magazines, I have learned that certain homeschooling magazine articles can do me more harm than good. I don’t know how many times I have read stories about the “light bulb” experience. The story will tell about a child who struggled to learn to read and then one day he could suddenly read huge chapter books. That truly does happen. In fact, it has happened in my own household. One of my children went from haltingly reading first grade readers to reading chapter books in a two week period.

However, many children never will have that “light bulb” moment. Instead of a light bulb, it will be more like a slow-moving tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill that slides back two feet for every three feet it goes forward. We waited for years for my son, who struggles so much, to magically get that “light bulb” experience. It has not yet happened.

Gradually and reluctantly, I have come to accept the fact that my son may never will have that “light bulb” experience. He will probably always struggle with reading to some extent. He will probably never be able to have a job that requires a lot of reading. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow but a necessary and important thing for me to accept.

A forth important lesson I learned is to rejoice in each little victory. I remember the first time my son read the word “of.” He was ten years old. He had struggled with this particular word from age six when we first began his long, difficult up-hill reading endeavor. I had shown him flashcards with this word. I had read him chapter books and had him read this word every time we came to it. He had rolled out this word with play dough. He had written it in sand and in salt. We had cut that word out of newspapers and magazines in many different fonts. Still, every time he came to that word in the books he would read aloud to me, he would not know it.

One day, after four years of working on this word, he was reading a story to me in his usual painfully halting and slow way. He got to the word “of” and he read it!! I held my breath waiting to see if it was a fluke. Sure enough, he got to the word “of” further in the story and read it again. I got so excited and I said to him, “Did you know that you just read the word ‘of’ twice!” He grinned and was as excited as I was. He saw my excitement and heard my praise, but what he didn’t know was that after he finished the story, I went to my room, shut the door and cried. I was thinking, “I can’t believe I am crying tears of joy because my ten year old can read the word “of.” But if you have a child who struggles so much, those little things mean the world to you.

I should tell the rest of the story. The next day, he could not read the word “of.” I didn’t say anything to him, but I was inwardly heartbroken. However, over the next few days and weeks, he read it more often than not, and eventually was able to read the word correctly every single time he saw it. That is what I mean about a tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill.

Each new word that my struggling learners learn to read and spell brings me joy. Every new concept that they grasp is a cause for celebration.

This brings me to my fifth point. As homeschoolers, we tend to avoid outside help. However, with my son, my husband and I came to the point where we knew we needed it.

In the reference pages of the handout, you will see the names, telephone numbers and websites of the places where you might be able to find help for your struggling learner.

I would like to talk specifically about some places we received the most help with our son. The first one was from Lynne Popp, who works out of Omaha. She tested our son and was able to give us curriculum ideas and other tips that have greatly helped him. Lynne Popp helped me realize that my son did not have any phonemic awareness. This has nothing to do with phonics. Phonemic awareness is the ability for one to be able to depict and distinguish the different sounds in the spoken language. It is a step before phonics that happens naturally for most children but did not happen for our son. Lynne Popp taught a two day class that has helped me in teaching our son phonemic awareness. I have also used these principles with our daughters and we have seen great benefits from implementing many of her suggestions.

Lynne Popp introduced us to a great program that has really helped our son and both daughters to have phonemic awareness. You will find it listed on the reference sheet. It is called Lindamood Phonemic Awareness Program. It takes the parents about two weeks of studying this program for about one hour a day to fully grasp it, but if your child has a phonemic awareness issue, it is well worth your time.

The second place we received help for our son was from Dianne Craft. I watched two of her lectures on DVD. They are listed in the handout. I have also purchased curriculum and curriculum supplements from her that have greatly benefited my struggling learners. One example of her material would be these phonics flashcards. Most phonics flashcards have the sound on the back of the picture or down in the corner. However, many children, especially right brain children, often remember the sound much better if the sound is imposed over the actual picture. These cards have helped some of my children learn specific phonics blends that they were not able to learn in other ways. I have brought a few more of her materials and you are welcome to look at them after the workshop.

The third place that we have received great help for our son has been from Dr. Paul Moss. He is a chiropractor in Ankeny. Dr Moss has treated our son with adjustments, supplements and nutrition. He has been treating our son for several months and we have seen improvement in his ability to read, reason and articulate his thoughts.

I should caution though, that outside help, however good it may be, may not remove our child’s learning struggles. Outside sources are often a great benefit in helping our child reach his full potential, but most of the time, they will not remove the child’s learning struggles completely.

My sixth point is that in our desire to help our child academically that we need to be careful not to neglect something even more important and that is to help them grow spiritually. Sometimes we get so bogged down in the academic struggles of our children, that we forget about helping them to grow to be more like Christ. It occurred to me once a few years ago, when my son was struggling greatly with a particular sin, that I should be far more concerned about his sin than I should be about the fact that he could not yet read. Yes, learning to read is crucial, but more importantly still, we need to keep eternal values in view.

Sometimes we are tempted to overlook behavioral issues with our learning disabled child. Life is already tough for them and we don’t want to add to their burdens. Yet, sin is still sin, no matter what their disabilities may be. We still need to help them grow and become more Christ like with each passing year. We do not do our leaning disabled children any favors if we overlook their sins.

Along the same vein, we should be careful not to pity our child who is a struggling learner. We can encourage and help them to achieve the best of their ability. We can sympathize with them when they are discouraged, yes. But never pity them. It will cause them to grow up with a “Woe is me, the world is against me and life is so unfair” attitude, and that will not help them in any way, shape or form.

The seventh important thing that I learned is not to hold any of my children back from learning because they cannot read well. They can still learn so much about science, history, literature and most of all, God’s Word. I read to my children constantly. It is one of my favorite things to do. I read the Bible, great works of literature, science and history textbooks, character building books and just plain fun books to them. Often my non-strugglers will listen, too, even though they could read the material on their own.

They can also learn in other ways. They can still memorize Scripture if I help them orally. It may take my struggling learners longer to learn verses but they can still do it. We also do science experiments, take family nature hikes and do art projects.

My eighth point is that over the years, I have learned that the whole world does not need to know about my children’s learning struggles. I have learned not to talk about it except with people that I really trust because it opens up my child for criticism and the possibility of being pre-judged. Plus, as I have mentioned before, I have come to realize that most people do not truly understand unless they have gone through it.

Our personal family choice has been to not put specific public labels on our children. My husband and I do not want our children to be mainly known as the child who has Sensory Integration dysfunction or dyslexia or what ever the case may be though I should add, that personal knowledge about our children’s specific struggles can be helpful because then we can research ways to help them reach their full potential. However, this is a decision that each family has to make and there is really no “right” or “wrong.”

Since my children’s learning struggles are something that is utmost on my mind, it is easy to want to talk about it to every new friend I make, especially if they homeschool. But I know that I would not appreciate my husband going to work and talking to his coworkers about my struggles. Just as I want him to respect my privacy, I should respect my children’s privacy.

I talk about my children’s learning disabilities on a “need to know” basis only. For example, if they are promoting to a new Sunday School class, I will let the teacher know so that they will not ask my child to read something outloud that they are not capable of reading. I also have a couple very close friends that I talk to about my children’s struggles on a regular basis. I know they love my children very much and they will keep what I say confidential.

My next point is one that is hard for me to admit because it shows that I am less than spiritually perfect in my trust in God’s sovereignty. I found that I did go through a grieving process about my children’s learning struggles, much like what I went through after each of my eight miscarriages. I went through denial, sadness, anger and finally acceptance. It is difficult to see one’s child struggle in any way and it is normal for most of us who have children who struggle academically to grieve because of it.

The important thing to remember is something that a good friend of mine said after she went through an unimaginably difficult time in her life, “Run to Jesus, run to Jesus, run to Jesus.” There is nothing sinful about grieving or the Bible would not tell us to weep with those who weep. It is comforting to know that we can run to the arms of our Savior and He is waiting and ready to comfort us. Through this journey of teaching children who learn differently, I have cried out many times to the Lord in tears and He heard my prayers and brought me comfort in many ways. He brought me hope and comfort through the encouraging words of friends and family, through passages of Scripture, and just from knowing that He cares about my children, and understands my children and loves my children even more than I do.

My tenth and final point is that it is very important to accept our children the way God made them. Each of our children are a blessing from God, even if they don’t fit the world’s idea of “normal.” And, really, who defines “normal” anyway. They may struggle in ways that most children do not, but they are still precious children created in the image of God. If they get even a sense that they are a disappointment to us, it can leave scars that may last a lifetime. God created our children the way He wanted them to be. As hard is it may be to believe this, God loves our precious children more than we do. No matter what their struggles may be, they can be used of God and they can live a life that glorifies God.

Our children who learn differently have their own unique talents and strengths. We should help them develop those gifts to the best of their ability. My son who struggles so much with reading has a tender heart, is very good at crafts, is fascinated by medieval weapons, and wants to be an inventor some day. I have learned to really appreciate his gifts and to focus on those instead of worrying so much about what he can’t do.

Sometimes it may be hard to see their gifts. I have a difficult time with this with one of my struggling learners. I will always remember the day she looked up at me and said, with a tearful voice, “I am not smart. I am not good at anything.” That day I began to fervently pray that God would show me her gifts and talents so I could help her develop them. The Lord showed me that she has the gift of a compassionate and tender heart. She has been able to reach out to others and encourage them when they go through difficult times by baking for them, writing sweet notes and things like that. I am still praying that God will show me other strengths she has so that we can develop those as well. We can pray and ask God to show us our children’s strengths so that in turn, we can encourage our child with the knowledge of these special abilities and help foster that talent or gift in their life.

Like my daughter, some children really struggle with the fact that they have learning disabilities. It is hard for them when they are not able to accomplish everything their peers accomplish…or at least not able to accomplish it as quickly as other children. However, it is important to teach our children that our main purpose in life is to glorify God. How ever God created them is how God knew our child could most glorify Him. Our child’s job, like ours, is simply to be faithful and to do their best according to the ability that God has given them.

A friend of mine uses the following example and I have shared it with my children. A butterfly struggles to come out of it’s cocoon but the struggle strengthens it to fly. In the same way, our child’s struggles, whether it be learning disabilities or something else… strengthen them so they can soar spiritually.

In closing I’d like to share something another friend of mine said to me. I was sharing some of my son’s struggles with this close friend once. She said something that I always remember. She said basically this, “I am kind of jealous. If God feels you can handle a son with these learning disabilities, you are very blessed.” I have always remembered those words and God often brings them to my mind when I am discouraged.

It is also very important to remember that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Teaching our struggling learners often seems overwhelming from the human perspective. I have often thought, “Lord, I can’t do this one more day.“ That is exactly the time when I must run to the loving Arms of our Heavenly Father and ask Him for strength, mercy and wisdom to help my children.

May God bless you as you homeschool your children, whatever their strengths and their struggles may be.

Notes for Struggling Learner Workshop

2009-06-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

Helping Your Struggling Learner

1. Pray, Pray, Pray!

2. Try not to worry about what others may think. This is much easier said than done!

3. Avoid homeschooling articles that may discourage you.

4. Rejoice in every little victory.

5. Seek outside help if necessary.

6. In the desire to help our child academically we need to be careful not to neglect their spiritual condition.

7. Even if our child can not read well, he or she can still learn.

8. We need to be discerning when we talk about our child’s learning struggles.

9. Many of us will go through a grieving process because of our child’s learning struggles.

10. We need to accept our child the way God made him or her.

Kim Stilwell
jkstilwell@juno.com
Family blog: http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/

Reference pages for Struggling Learner Workshop

2009-06-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

Curriculum that may be Helpful for Children Who Learn Differently

Scaredy Cat Phonics (www.joyceherzog.com)

Handwriting Without Tears (www.hwtears.com)

Math U See (http://www.mathusee.com/)

Mastering Math Essentials by Richard Fisher, 20 minutes a day workbook
(http://www.mathessentials.com/pdf/math_skills.pdf)

Right Brain Phonics Reading Book by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok )

“Right Brain Phonics Flashcards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)

“Sight Word Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)

“Right Brain Multiplication Cards” by Dianne Craft
(http://stores.diannecraft.org/StoreFront.bok)

Wise Owl Math Worksheets
(http://www.wiseowlfactory.com/)

Lindamood Phonemic Awareness Program
(http://www.lindamoodbell.com/programs/lips.html)

Passport Learning, LLC (www.passportlearning.com)

Daily Grams (http://www.easygrammar.com/)

Easy Grammar (http://www.easygrammar.com/)

Hooked on Phonics (http://www.hookedonphonics.com/)

Explode the Code (http://www.explodethecode.com/)

Resources that Parents of Children Who Learn Differently may find Helpful

“Teaching the Right Brain Child” DVD by Dianne Craft

“Understanding and Helping the Struggling Learner” DVD by Dianne Craft

NATHHAN National Challenged Homeschoolers Associated Network
http://www.nathhan.com/

The Out of Sync Child by Karen Stock Kranowitz

Homeschool Legal Defense Association http://www.hslda.org/strugglinglearner/

*The IEP Manual: Individual Education Planning by Jim and Debby Mills
supplies goals, skill lists, and ideas for planning your child's program.
Available from www.nathhan.org.

*LinguiSystems has many professional authored resources for writing IEPs.
Available at www.linguisystems.com.

*The New Language of Toys; Teaching Communication Skill to Children with
Special Needs by Sue Schwartz lists developmental milestones and contains
charts to record your child's progress. Available through
www.hslda.org/SueSchwartz.

*The Student Education Plan (SEP): A Preparation Guide by Judith Munday
walks parents through the SEP process. Available from
www.hishelpinschool.com.

*Teaching Your Special Needs Student: Strategies and Tools That Really Work
by Judith Munday provide evaluation information, scoring rubrics, graphic
organizers, and more. Available from www.hishelpinschool.com.

*HSLDA members can also contact their special needs coordinator.

*Joyce Herzog has Luke's Life List (and Luke's School List) that would
beneficial in helping parents to see they are making progress and to help
avoid discouragement. They, along with other resources, are available at
www.joyceherzog.com

*They were from an article by Andrea Longbottom in the March/April 2009 issue of "The Home School Court Report".

People That May Be Helpful to Your Child Who Learns Differently

Dr Paul Moss
1932 SW 3rd Street, Suite 6
Ankeny, Iowa
(515) 964-9114
http://www.mossfamilychiropractic.com/

Lynne Popp
Omaha, Nebraska
Tel: (402) 498-8708
Fax: (402) 445-0433
slpopp1@cox.net
http://www.iser.com/popp-NE.html

Dianne Craft
http://www.diannecraft.org/

Giggling Girls and Funny Boys (copy of family letter)

2009-05-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hi Everyone,

The past two weeks have been really busy but it has been a fun kind of busy. Two weeks ago, Jeff's brother David's family came to visit. We had a really nice time. We stayed up late chatting with David and Kandie. Kandie and I managed to make a Starbucks run one evening. And I love watching my children and their cousins spend time together and establish close friendships. This is something I did not have with my cousins and I am thankful that my children and their cousins will probably be life-long friends. We enjoyed going to Ankeny Baptist that Sunday night and hearing David's presentation.

The Thursday before Jennifer's birthday we had visitors. Christine Scott and her three JEMS (Jacob, Elijah and Moses Scott) came to visit us for the afternoon and evening. I enjoyed the time with Christine so much. She is a kindred spirit. She brought me the neatest book/journal for those who are grieving over the loss of a loved one. It has been very helpful. (Christine is all too familiar with grief herself because her husband died in a car crash a little over three years ago.) Sometimes I feel guilty about how much I am grieving for Barb because she was "only" a friend and not a spouse or child or parent of mine. This book has been very helpful as I work through my sadness and draw closer to the Lord because of it

The next weekend Jennifer had a sleepover for her birthday. She invited four of her little friends. There was a lot of giggling and fun going on. They decorated cupcakes, played dress up, had a scavenger hunt, watched a movie (Gus). Jennifer enjoyed opening her gifts...stuffed animals and dolls...right up her alley. The minor hitch was that the meal was not "little girl friendly" since Jennifer had chosen shepherd pie so we had tons of left overs. They filled up on popcorn while watching the movie so I don't think anyone went to bed hungry. They also actually did some sleeping. I admit I bribed them. I told them if I didn't hear any noise after 11:00pm I would give them all a candybar. Unbelievably, it worked! :-) They were all sound asleep by then.

The next day (May 9) our church had a Mother/Daughter Brunch which was really nice. (Yes, I managed to get six little girls ready!!) The teenage girls modeled wedding dresses that had been worn by some of the ladies in the church.

Mother's Day was extra special this year because it was also Jennifer's eighth birthday. We shared a fun day together. Jeff had the day off so he was able to go to church with us on Sunday morning. We stopped on the way home and picked fried chicken at Walmart so we could accomplish the double goal of me not cooking but also not waiting for ever to be seated at a crowded restaurant. At lunch Jennifer and I opened our gifts and enjoyed the afternoon with the family.

The next Friday (May 15) was Joshua's birthday. (It is always a bit traumatic for me when my firstborn and my "baby" each get a year older, only five days apart from each other.) Josh invited six of his friends. The original plan was that they would go to a nearby park and play Capture the Flag and then come back here for the meal and a movie. However, it rained all day so they ended up staying here and playing Axis and Allies. It was loud and it was funny. This group of boys really "connect" and they feed off each other's jokes and comments. (I kept cracking up in the kitchen as their jokes and funny comments drifted up the stairs from the basement.) After they played A&A, they ate the meal while they watched Flyboys. Josh didn't want to do the singing and opening gifts in front of everything thing (which was Jennifer's favorite part of her party... I guess that is the difference between an extroverted eight year old girl and an introverted seventeen year old boy). He opened his gifts after his friends left and was delighted with what they had chosen. They all obviously know Josh well and know what he likes, which is one step ahead of his mother because I never know what to get him! :-) I should add that at Josh's party we did NOT have leftovers. :-) He chose lasagna and cheesecake for dessert.

Today was the Niche homeschool graduation. We received several invitations and it was special to go see these kids graduate. There were 100 graduates and we probably knew about 1/4 of them (more by name). I admit to tearing up when they marched in. I remember when some of these kids were born!! Tim Newman and Zachary Thompson were two of the graduates that some of you might know. It was also really fun to see old friends after the graduation. I met up with one friend that I had not seen in probably 15+ years (Sara Norris Thompson). It was fun to meet her two little boys, too.

Softball is going fine. It has not been the greatest season as far as winning. Well, Jennifer has won all her games but the other four kids have not won since the first day. But everyone is having a great time. Jeff enjoys coaching, the kids enjoy seeing their friend and I enjoy the adult conversation.

I am including some of you that I do not normally include in my family letters. If you would like to receive them or continue receiving them, let me know. I am making a new list. If you are family or close friends, don't worry about getting back to me. I will assume, rightly or wrongly, :-) that you still want to get these.

I thought some of you might be interested in the blog addresses of Jeff's family members. It is interesting/fun to follow their lives as missionaries in Peru. I compiled them for a friend today and I thought I would paste it here as well. Sarah, I have my in-laws link now.

Steve and Evelyn-- www.paandmastilwell.blogspot.com.
David and Kandie-- http://stilwellsinperu.blogspot.com/
Jon and Julie-- http://www.jonjuliestilwell.blogspot.com/
Steve and Molly-- http://www.stilwellschimbote.blogspot.com/

My heart is heavy tonight for a man that attends Jeff's brothers families sending church. His wife and two young children died in a fire last night. Please pray for him as the Lord brings him to your mind.

I hope all of you are doing well. Have a good Sunday.

Love
Kim

Jeff, Kim, Joshua (17), Joseph (13), Josiah (11), Jessica (10) and Jennifer (8) Stilwell
"Failure is not final; it is merely the opportunity to start over again wiser than before."
Author Unknown
Family blog : http://thestilwellgang.blogspot.com/ Updated last on April 27, 2009
Joshua's website on Godly Young Manhood: http://mightymenofvalor.webs.com/

May Niche Article--Gossiping About Our Children

2009-05-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

Gossiping about our Children

During the past year or so, I have been very convicted about gossiping about my children. Some of you can probably relate. You are talking with another mom, or group of moms when something someone says makes you think about a struggle you are having with one of your own children and next thing you know you are telling them about Johnny’s anger problem or his inability to tie his shoes at age seven. I have done this often. After all, what Mom doesn’t love talking about her children?

I would be horrified if Jeff went to work and told his co-workers, "Kim has such a gluttony problem. And can you believe she burned supper tonight? Here we have been married for 21 years and she still burns supper sometimes. And you should see how long it takes her to get dressed some mornings! Why, the other day she was still in her PJs at 10:00 in the morning!" (I should hasten to add that Jeff would never dream of talking that way about me to his co-workers.) Yet I have talked like that about my children.

Several things happened in the past few months to convict me that I should not be saying negative things to others about my children. I shared with one friend that I have a child who sometimes has anger issues. I notice that the next time she and her children were at my home, she treated that child differently than she had before. She was not as kind and friendly towards my child. She also seemed to want to keep her children away from this particular child of mine even though my child had never expressed anger towards her children. Since this friend was well liked by all my children, I felt badly that I had put a wedge in their relationship. I have noticed in other situations, as well, that when I say negative things about a particular child, he or she is treated differently.

Another thing that convicted me about gossiping about my children was that a couple of times (that I know of) they have overheard me. I could tell by the look on their faces that they were hurt. In talking to them later, I learned that they felt I had betrayed their trust. Even though I apologized to them and they forgave me, it did not take away from the fact that they knew their mom had shared something very personal about them.

The third thing that convicted me about this was when word “got around” that one of my children was afraid of the dark. I had “only” told a couple of people and the next thing I knew, several people knew and my child was teased about it by other children.

Shortly after these things took place, I was reading in James 3: 5-12 in my private devotions. Verses eight and nine especially spoke to me.

But to the tongue can no man tame, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father, therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God.

That sure was convicting to me. Did I really want my tongue to be “deadly poison” to my children? Did I want to “curse” them, my dear children who made in the image of God.

We are to bless others with our tongue. Our children are not the exception clause. It does not edify either our child or the person we are speaking to when we tell others about our children’s faults and failures.

I try to be very careful not to gossip or speak badly of others. Yet, I was willing to tell even casual acquaintances about sins and struggles in my children’s lives.

There are times when I still visit with other moms, because it is helpful to talk about the not so fun parts of parenting with others who can relate, but I am more vague. Instead of naming a specific child and going into detail about something, I will say things like “I can sure relate, we have had a similar issue at our house” or “Yes, one of my children went through that, too.”

There are a couple of exceptions when I believe it is okay to talk about our children’s struggles. The main one, of course, is our husband. As the head of our family, Jeff should certainly know what is going on in our children’s lives. Since I spend more hours with them, I often see these things before he does and it is important that I keep him abreast of what is going on in our home.

I also have two very dear friends who edify and encourage me and who pray for me regularly. I do share my burdens relating to my children with them and they share theirs with me. I know they will pray for my child and for me and that they will still love my child even if they know of his or her struggles (as I will for their children). I also know they will never tell anyone else about my concerns, except for perhaps their husbands. I have also occasionally needed to talk to Sunday School teachers and others who have been in leadership positions over my children about behavior issues or learning disabilities though I make sure to make it clear that I want it to stay between us.

We want to avoid the opposite extreme as well. While there is nothing wrong with sharing our children’s accomplishments, we need to do it in a humble manner. Most of us have met parents who constantly brag about their children. You came away thinking that their children must be the only children on the earth who could possibly be that intelligent and well behaved. I have been guilty of bragging about my children as well, although, sadly, I usually err on the side of being critical. (Of course there is an exception clause to this and that is Grandparents. You can brag about your children all you want to them and not only will it not bother them. they will love it!)

I would like to close with a verse that has been both convicting and encouraging to me.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying that it may minister grace unto the hearers. Ephesians 4:29

God bless you as you edify your children.

A high light of Joshua's Teenpact week (written by Josh)

2009-04-27T19:40:00.000-07:00

Josh’s Mathematical Equation

Here’s a math equation worth doing:

1 hearing(TeenPacters) + ties|skirts - noisy zealots = 1 memorable experience

After dodging this for almost three weeks, I’ve decided to sit down and record one of the highlights from my week at TeenPact. It happened Wednesday night. That day during classes, we had been made aware of an opportunity to go to the Iowa House of Representatives and listen in on a hearing for a bill that would do away with the Federal deductibility. Because of my roll as a staffer and my duties at the camp, I just assumed I would not be able to go. However, during supper, the Program Director asked if I would go along. Naturally, I agreed.

Therefore, I got back into my suit and tie, put of my TeenPact nametag and headed out the door. After dividing up into our respective vehicles, we went directly to the capitol. When we got to the floor where the legislatures where located, I was surprised to find an almost eerie atmosphere.

Prior to that day, I had only been at the capitol during the day, usually mid-afternoon when everything was lively and busy. But that evening, the rotunda was almost completely empty. Our footsteps actually echoed in the great room. Over the load speakers, we could hear the seemingly inhuman voice of the Speaker, which was distorted by the electronics.

Our original plan was to go to the galleries located behind the Speaker. However, we soon realized that they were completely full, as were all the other galleries. Therefore, we sent onto the floor and stood behind the representatives.

One by one, people from around the state came up and voiced their opinion on the bill. Many of the students would later comment on how amazed they were to see ordinary people speak before the House. It really made the government feel far less distant than we normal perceive it to be.

After a person would finish speaking the crowd - which was predominantly against the bill - would cheer, hiss, or make their opinion known some way. A couple of time, the Speaker banged his gavel and told the crowd that if they did not remain quiet he would be forced to clear the floor. But the next time around he did nothing expect give another warning.

During the course of the hearing, one of the students had wondered off because he was getting too warm and claustrophobic in the over-crowd chambers. As a staffer, I was sent to find him and make sure he was okay. So, I left the floor and re-entered the eerie rotunda. The only other people there, was the student and a state trooper. While I was out there, I listened to the load speakers. I remember hearing the ravel fall and Speaker announcing that he really was going to clear the floor. Next, I heard a loud uproar from the crowd. The Speaker pounded his gavel, attempting to resort order, but the crowd continued their protest.

I later learned that the local media had reported that the Speaker was forced to call in state troopers to restore order. Well, I have to see the “state troopers get called in.” A man came out of the chamber and asked if the state troopers standing in the hall would come in and help. I found it amusing to see first-hand how things are thrown out of proportion.

While the crowd streamed out, I met up with my fellow TeenPacters. Once we were all together we had a little powwow and discussed the situation. The students decided that, if possible, they would like to stay. Therefore, a call was made to a representative we knew. He agreed to let us in as guests. It was an amazing privilege to be able to hear the rest of the hearing.

When we got back in the vans and headed back, I made a point of reminding my guys that they had just done a wonderful job at representing, not only TeenPact, but Jesus Christ. While, we were at the capitol, several people came up to us and commented on how amazed they were to see young people dressed professionally and involved in government. This allowed us to talk about TeenPact, which then allowed us to talk about Christ. To me, that was the most important part of the entire experience. Through it all, our God was glorified.

Niche "Remembering Barb" article

2009-04-04T14:05:00.000-07:00

Here is the article I wrote for Niche in Barb's memory. As you can see, I cut and pasted some things from my previous article about her. This was by far the most difficult article I have ever had to write but also one of the most precious.

Remembering Barb Gorman

On March 25, the Lord called one of His own Home to Heaven to be with Him. Barbara Gorman was a faithful friend and a loving wife. She was also the mother of seven children, five of them her biological children, and two children adopted through the foster care system. One of her adopted children and the baby she gave birth to in October, 2007 preceded her in death. Barb was a wonderful example to so many of us as a Christian, wife, mother, friend and homeschooling mom. I know that I am a better wife, mom, friend and Christian for having known her.

In the days following Barb’s Homegoing it became very clear to me how many lives she had touched. Barb and I belonged to the same homeschool group. After her death, many members of our group sent emails through our homeschool e-mail loop sharing stories and memories of Barb. Several of us also gathered together the evening after her death to share memories, cry, laugh and pray together. Over and over I heard special stories about Barb’s life.

I think the most precious story I heard, the evening we gathered together, was about the family who unknowingly brought about Barb’s salvation. Nancy and Stuart Meyer were Barb’s neighbors. Every Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, they would walk to and from church, pushing their babies in the strollers. Barb and her daughters would peek out the windows from behind the curtains and watch this family walk past. It made quite an impression on Barb that the Meyers were so faithful in attending church and eventually this led to her salvation. The most precious part of this story is that Nancy Meyer did not even know this until a week before Barb’s death. Nancy and Peggy Appel were at Barb’s home praying with her and Barb shared the story with Nancy.

I could write a book quoting all the tributes and memories I heard and read about Barb in the days following her Homegoing but since this is supposed to be an article and not a book, I had to choose only a few. I have asked three homeschooling moms for permission to quote them in this article.

Gina Greene shared the following story, “I loved her very much. She was very dear to my kids and me. I will never forget the day we spent together making Italian cookies. We had millions of them. We were trying to figure out all the people we could dump them on-Oh pardon me, I mean all the people we could bless by giving them to! Lots of laughs that day, and frosting everywhere.

There was the time when no one was supposed to know she was pregnant, and I didn't realize it. I blurted the whole thing over the SHEEP email loop....she could have been extremely mad at me, but she just sat there and laughed and laughed when I ‘fessed up.

Then there was the day she went “sledding” across the street with us. It turned out to be a warm day, and it was more like boating. She was such a good sport speeding down the hard icy hill with a huge smile on her face even when she hit the bottom.... which had turned into a deep pond. With water flying all over the place she was drenched and laughed her head off. The kids looked like mud monsters, and we even made foil boats to float in the river we made with the water and snow. We raced them.”

Another homeschooling mom, Mary Dorin, shared this through our email loop the day after Barb’s death, “One thing Barb said clearly in one of our personal e-mails was ‘this is a win-win situation for me.’ She also said, ‘God doesn't waste pain.’ Her hope was so much that she could minister to others through this situation. We all know that she has done that.”

One thing that nearly everyone talked about was Barb’s smile and laughter. One homeschooling Mom even said that she pictures Barb in Heaven giggling with Jesus. Barb had a joyful spirit and it rubbed off on her friends.

The most vivid memory I, personally, have of Barb was at her baby Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.

No matter what tragedy she was going through in her own life, Barb reached out to others. I remember the day of Faith’s funeral, she asked me if I was okay. She knew I had lost several babies and thought perhaps attending a funeral of a baby would bring back thoughts of my own sad losses. I remember being sweetly touched that, on one of the saddest days of her life, she was concerned about me.

Sarah Heywood shared yet another touching story about the day of Faith’s funeral, “Our due dates were 4 days apart in 2007. We were both expecting very long-awaited and prayed for babies. Throughout our pregnancies we compared notes and bellies. I'll never forget at little Faith's funeral slinking in, trying to hide my big belly because I felt so bad that my baby was alive and her's was not. But the time came that I needed to greet Barb and Chris and I half expected Barb to burst into tears at the sight of my very pregnant self. But she gave me the biggest smile, wrapped her arm around my shoulder and proceeded to tell those around me that I was expecting a baby boy who would be here in just a week! I know she was hurting but she put her sadness aside to focus on my happiness. That's the kind of person Barb was. It gives me great joy to know that today, she's holding her precious baby.”

The verse “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might” certainly applied to Barb. She threw herself wholeheartedly into every endeavor whether it was homeschooling, organizing, gardening, scrap booking, living a healthy lifestyle, and most importantly of all striving to live a life that would be pleasing to her Lord and Savior. If Barb knew I was writing an article about her, I know, for a fact, she would not want me to make her appear perfect. She was very open and transparent about her weaknesses.

I not only lost a dear friend but also a wonderful editor. I could not write these articles if it were not for my editors. I have been so thankful for my two “main” editors, Barb and Sarah Heywood who have faithfully edited these articles every month in spite of their busy lives as homeschooling moms. Throughout the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling are atrocious. Barb caught my grammar and spelling errors and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles better. She nearly always gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This is the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. Even as I am writing this article about her, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.

Barb was an optimist. Clear to the end, she hoped for a cure and prayed for a miracle. As Pastor Ropp said at her funeral, God answered her prayer by healing her-not in the way that we had hoped- but by giving Barb ultimate healing.

I would be remiss not to mention Barb’s husband Chris. A few weeks before her death she sent me an email that included the following statement about her husband, “He has stood by me and supported me and helped me through things no family should have to go through. He is a blessing from God. I try to thank God and him each day.” At the end of the email that Chris sent out after Barb’s death he wrote, “No matter the outcome, we have decided to praise Him!”

A week and a half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I could barely hear her. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, Jean- 24, Sally-22, Andrew-11, Jeremiah -7, and Ruth, their 6 year old adopted daughter. We talked about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.

My wise, Godly father-in-law had a heart attack last summer and for awhile we thought we might lose him. One thing he said was, “When I go, it will be because I have done all the work that my God had planned for me to do.” As difficult as it may be for us to understand why the Lord would take a young mother who still had young children at home, we know that her work here on this earth was done. She had accomplished what the Lord sent her to do.

At the end of Barb’s emails there was a quote. “God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good.” Though she had more trials in her nearly 43 years of life than most people have in an 80 year lifetime, she lived her life by this quote.

See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time it will be in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer and no babies dying.

You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been! Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.

Remembering Barb Gorman

2009-03-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

My friend, Barb Gorman, went to be with the Lord yesterday. Late last night when I could not sleep, I wrote this about her. The previous post is an article I wrote after the Gorman's baby girl passed away in October 2007.

Remembering Barb

Rarely do I check email in the middle of the day...especially on my busiest day of the week. But yesterday, Wednesday, March 25, when I came down to the basement to get a school book "something" led me to check my email. There was an email from Barb's husband Chris saying that she had passed away less than an hour before. I sat there in stunned silence because my mind did not want to grasp the truth. Eventually, I made my way upstairs and told the children. That is when the tears came. We did not have any more school that day.

I remember the first time I met Barb. It was at a Sheep meeting (my homeschool ladies group). We were in the same small prayer group and she had recently begun homeschooling her boys. I remember thinking how beautiful she was with her long wavy hair and her smooth skin. I was amazed to learn she had two young adult daughters. She looked far too young to have children that old.

I did not get to know Barb well until she after one of her miscarriages. Since I had, had several miscarriages we had something in common and were able to share heartache and experiences.

I will always remember the day Barb showed up at my door to loan me a stack full of books from her wonderful library. I was delighted, shocked and surprised to see that she was visibly pregnant. We had not actually seen each other for awhile, though we had spoken on the phone and by email, and she surprised me with the fact that she had successfully carried a baby long enough to be able to wear maternity clothes!

Sadly, Barb’s little Faith Evangeline did not survive to birth. Remembering how much it hurt me when people avoided me after we lost our babies, I called her the day after Faith died. We talked for a long time and she shared with me later how much it helped her to talk about it. I remember thinking that the positive side that had come out of losing all my babies was that I understood and could truly empathize when someone else went through the same thing.

The most vivid memory I have of Barb was at Faith’s funeral in October 2007. To this day, I cannot find the right words to describe her sweet, lovely, sad face that day. Her face was beautiful, yet not in the traditional sense of beauty. It showed sorrow, love, peace, tragedy, heartache….all at the same time. Her eyes especially pierced my heart. I can see her face, at her daughter’s funeral, as though it were yesterday.

After little Faith’s funeral, everyone was invited to the Gorman’s house for a meal. Barb shared with me how she had felt she needed more time with little Faith and how gracious those at the funeral home had been about that. She had been able to go to the funeral home the morning of the funeral and hold and rock little Faith and spend some final moments alone with her.

A few weeks after Faith’s death, Barb learned that she had cancer. This time, I felt completely helpless. I knew what to say to a friend who looses a baby. I didn’t have a clue what to say when someone has cancer. I felt that I was not “there” for her in the way I had been when she lost her babies. Yes, I emailed and sent notes and chatted with her when we saw each other, but I just didn’t feel that I was truly the friend to her that I had been before. I just didn’t know what to say or do.

Yet, a week and half before her death, she shared with me how God had sent different people into her life at just the right time. While the Lord has used me to encourage her after Faith died, He used others when she became so ill. It brought me great comfort to hear her say that.

I write articles for a homeschool newsletter and Barb was one of my editors. Through the second half of 2007, when she was pregnant with Faith and after Faith’s birth and death, and all through 2008 while she was battling cancer, Barb continued to faithfully edit my articles. She did not miss a single month. For a writer, my grammar and spelling is atrocious. Barb was wonderful. She caught all my mistakes and she also gave helpful hints and ideas as to how I could make the articles more clear. She also gave me several ideas on how to expound on what I had written. She liked details and personal examples. This month I will be sending in the first article in a year and half of writing them that has not been edited by Barb. This may sound strange, but even as I write this, I wish Barb could edit it. I know she would make it a better article. She always did.

I don’t know whether Barb liked those questionnaires you get by email as much as I did or if she filled them out to be nice but she nearly always returned them. It was fun to learn little things about her that I would have never thought to ask her otherwise. Those questionnaires are the kind that you usually read and delete but how I wish now that I had saved the one’s from Barb.

One thing I will always remember about Barb is how “others oriented” she was. No matter what was going on in her life…a miscarriage, Faith’s death, her cancer…she was always concerned about my life. She always asked about my family and how we were doing. Even during our last phone call, she asked how I was doing.

A week and half before her death, Barb and I talked on the phone for quite a while. Her voice was so quiet and weak that I had to go to my room and shut the door and put my finger in my other ear. We talked of many things. We talked about Faith, about her living children, about how supportive and wonderful her husband was, about financial struggles and about her health. She even wanted to know about my family and how we were doing. I will always treasure the memory of that conversation. Although I didn’t know it at the time, it was our goodbye to each other.

See you later, Barb. This is not goodbye. We are only one breath and heartbeat away from seeing you again. Only this time in Heaven, a place where there will be no tears, no cancer, no babies dying.

You are with your little Faith Evangeline again. What a joyful reunion that must have been. Most of all, you are with your Savior. What a vibrant, joyful testimony you have been for Him. May you rest in His Presence for eternity.

Article written the evening of Faith Evangeline's funeral in October 2007

2009-03-26T07:17:00.000-07:00

“Rejoice with them that do rejoice and weep with them that weep.” Romans 13:15

I had another article already written for this month’s column. In fact, I was just ready to send it to my friends who edit for me. After fighting insomnia for over an hour, I finally gave up and came down here to write the article that was on my heart.

My heart is heavy tonight for a dear family in my homeschool group who buried a sweet little baby girl today. The mother’s sweet, sad, beautiful face comes into my mind every time I close my eyes. Having been through a similar experience myself, the funeral was an especially emotional experience as I not only grieved for this family but also remembered my own loss as well.

“That is very sad,” You are probably thinking. “But what does that have to do with homeschooling?”

What I saw at the funeral today had everything to do with homeschooling. As homeschooling families, we often have opportunity to “rejoice with those who rejoice” but how sweet and precious it is to also “weep with those who weep.” This was very evident during the funeral as many shed tears over the Homegoing of little Faith Evangeline. Big strong men wept right along with their wives.

After the funeral there was a reception at the family’s home. At the reception, I chatted with other homeschooling moms. We talked about sorrows we had in our own lives. We talked about the usual homeschool subjects such as curriculum and new ideas we are implementing this year. Another homeschooling mom asked me gently how I was doing with a sin issue that I had shared with her some time ago and I was touched that she remembered and cared enough to ask . What really touched my heart, though, was the way the homeschool community gathered around the bereaved family, supporting them during this very difficult time. Homeschooling moms brought food, sent emails for the family, gave the sweet, grieving mother multiple hugs and, in short, did everything they could to support the family.

Even though homeschooling moms are some of the busiest women in the world, many of them seem to be able to take the time to reach out to others. They seem to reach out to others not only with minor concerns such as “What curriculum do I use this year?” but also with sad tragedies like the loss of a little one.

Our family has had one on-going struggle for many years of our homeschooling. Each time I have attended our local homeschool group, I have shared the same prayer request with my small group. Instead of rolling their eyes and thinking, “Oh brother, she has shared that same request for the past how many years?” they support and encourage me in this difficult situation.

As I saw everyone gather around to help this grieving family today, I asked myself if I encourage other homeschooling mothers. Am I so wrapped up in my own little homeschooling world that I forget that other homeschooling moms out there are struggling as well? Do I encourage my homeschooling friends either by word or deed? When another homeschooling mother gets done talking to me is she encouraged to continue her homeschooling endeavor or does she feel exactly as she did when the conversation started? Worse yet, does she feel more discouraged than ever?

One doesn’t have to belong to a support group to help other homeschooling families. Just an encouraging word on the phone or by email can mean the world to someone. The most encouraging conversations I have had have been in a one-on-one setting with another mom.

There are seasons in homeschooling when others especially need encouragement. The first year of homeschooling is nearly always met with at least a bit of fear and trepidation. After a new baby is born, homeschooling the other children can be a real challenge. After the loss of a loved one, it can be emotionally draining to try to school the children. Sometimes a family member becomes ill. On a more minor scale, my oldest started high school. I had some concerns about whether or not we were doing everything “right.” Several friends who have been through this already helped to put my mind at ease.

What are some practical ways we can help other homeschooling families? Here are some that came to my mind.

1. First and foremost, we homeschoolers need to be in constant prayer for each other. There are times when homeschooling can be a very difficult thing, especially when going through a trying time or when there are friends and family members who are not supportive of homeschooling.

2. Take a meal to a family who is going through an especially tough time such as an illness, loss of a loved one, has someone in the hospital or has just had a new baby.

3. Listen, listen, listen. Often another homeschooling mom just needs to talk. More likely than not, she does not need a lot of advice but just needs someone to listen to her concerns. In fact, even though I have been homeschooling my children for ten years, I have learned never to give advice unless someone specifically asks. The Lord leads each homeschooling family in different ways and what works for one, may not work for the other.

4. Be an example of compassion to your children. Have them help to prepare a meal to take to another family. Perhaps they could make cards for the children in the family when they have gone through a difficult time.

5. Be patient. Perhaps someone comes to you with the same problem over and over again. Keep listening. Keep praying. As I mentioned before, I have shared the same specific prayer request with my homeschooling friends for years and they continue to support me. This encourages me so much.

6. Send encouraging notes.

There are also times when we can rejoice with our fellow homeschoolers. A few examples would be when a new baby is born, when a particular homeschooling hurdle has been overcome, when a broken marriage is healed or when a child graduates.

I don’t know about you but sometimes it is almost easier for me to “weep with those who weep” than it is for me to “rejoice with those who rejoice”. When something wonderful happens to someone, I tend to think “Oh, that is nice,” and then go on with my own life instead of taking the time to call them and send them a note to share in their happiness.

Occasionally, I even struggle a bit with jealousy when something nice happens to someone else. When another homeschooling family has found the big house of their dreams out in the country (which happens to be a desire of mine), it has been easy for me to covet instead of rejoicing with them. When I was going through years of longing for more children only to have one miscarriage after another, it was hard to rejoice with the homeschooling moms who had baby after baby with no problem whatsoever. However, when I really thought about it, I realize that my attitude was ungodly and unbiblical. Instead of coveting, I should have been rejoicing in the blessings of my fellow homeschoolers.

You may have noticed that I have used the word “encourage” over and over again in this article. That is usually a “no-no” for writers, but in this case I thought it was very important to emphasize that word. The best thing we can do for our fellow homeschooler, next to prayer is to encourage each other.

I would like to dedicate this article to the memory of little Faith Evangeline Gorman and in honor of her mother who exemplifies so much of what was written in this article.

Joshua's report about his college/ministry trip

2009-03-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

College Trip Report

The sky still dark, I awoke at 5:20 am, quickly dressed myself and packed last-minute essentials. Next thing I knew, I was out the door. I was preparing to go on a college trip that would take me to Pacific Garden Missions, Shepherds and Maranatha Baptist College. Seven other teens would be going on the trips as well, in addition to my pastor and his wife. The attendance evenly divided between guys and girls. I spent the first leg of the trip primarily sleeping in an attempt to make up for the lack of sleep I had received the night before. This was a dismal failure.

While traveling, a rather annoying Tom Tom mechanically spouted out direction. We arrived at Chicago early that afternoon. Our tour of PGM did not begin until three o’clock so we decided to take a bus to Navy Pier. I decided very quickly that I hate Chicago bus rides. It was while driving through Chicago that I prophesied that we would die in the van.

We all had a wonderful time at Navy Pier. There were several private yachts docked along the Pier. One even came with its own helicopter. While there were visited a building which archived and displayed things like drug activity and stain glass windows. There, some of the guys amused themselves by running up the down escalator.

When we returned to Pacific Garden Missions a guide by the name of Kent gave us a tour. Kent is possibly the most enthusiastic people I’ve ever met. Between every single sentence, he would say, “Amen?” and ask that we respond in form. So the tour went something like this, “This is where our overnight guests stay. Amen? It can house anywhere from zero to 3000 people. Amen?” His upbeat attitude got us all excited. When we left PGM, Kent stopped us at the door and prayed with us, on the stop and right in the middle of the hall. He was a great encouragement to each one of us.

After the tour, we got to see an episode of their radio broadcast, Unshackled!, being recorded. After this, we had an amazing meal of meat and mashed potatoes. After leaving, we followed the Tom Tom’s directions to Bethel Baptist Church where we would be spending the night. The associate pastor took us into the gym. We were all impressed by its size and quality. When we commented on this, the associate pastor causally said, “Oh yeah, this is our middle gym. We just got it replaced by a bigger one.” What was big to us was small to them. What else would you expect from Iowans visiting Chicago? So we spent the evening playing basketball and dodgeball.

That night we slept on the floor of one of the classrooms in Bethel’s Christian school. This made me slightly nervous. I was tired. The night before I had gotten very little sleep and the traveling only made me more tired. I wasn’t sure I could survive the rest few days with so little rest. But my God is the one of created the concept of rest, so I prayed to Him and asked my Father to give the strength to get through the week. In twenty minutes, I was out like a light. I don’t even fall asleep that fast home! I praise my Lord for taking care of His servants even in the mundane things of life.

The next day we attended the Sunday school and church services. Both were very God-honoring and thought provoking. The people were very friendly, something I did not expect from a church that size. After the service, we went to a restaurant called Texas de Brazil. At your request, carvers would come with big slabs of meat and serve them to you. Everything from beef and to pork to lamb was available. That was when I realized that I wouldn’t last a day as a vegetarian.

And so, we left for Shepherds, a home for the mentally disabled. We were suppose to sing in their chapel, but they ended up not having the service because the flu was going around and the staff wanted to keep it contained. Therefore, we made our way over to the place where we would be staying. The home was very nice. It had a ping-pong table, an already stocked freezer, three bedrooms, a living room, a separate dining room and more space than we knew what to do with. That night, we had our own little church service. We discussed the previous day. I taught them all to play missionary madness. We had a great time doing that.

The next morning we got up bright and early and went an orientation at Shepherds. Directly afterward, we went to help out at Shepherds Enterprises, where many of the residents work. It was my job to put together boxes. There was this machine that would dispense tape to hold the boxes together. Apparently, this machine had some sort of issue against me. It kept slitting out tiny, little pieces for me. But when the other guy making boxes would come over (he was one of the residents) the machine would give him a nice long piece. Of course, he got a real kick out of that.

After lunch, we headed to Maranatha. There, we received a tour of the campus. That night, after a wonderful supper, we attended an event run by a student group called X-Caliber. X-Cal is an improvised comedy group. We had a great time watching their antics.

That night we stayed in the dorms. One of my favorite parts of that time there was the devotional all the men on the floor had. They sang, prayed and discussed the day’s chapel service. I had kind of interesting experience with the people staying in my dorm. There were three students there. One of them pretty much ignored me. My interaction with the second student was primarily just polite small talk. However, the third one won’t stop talking to me. It was interesting to get all these different reactions.

The next morning, I attended three classes. One was on Biblical exposition. I found that one to be very practical. Many of the things talk in that class were very useful. The second was on church safety. I had to miss out on the last few minutes of that class because I had a meeting with one of the professors. He helpfully explained a bit about the college and what all went into being a student at Maranatha. The final class was on apologetics. That one was very interesting. The man who taught the class was something of a genius. The entire class was very thought provoking.

Soon after the apologetics class, we left Maranatha. Six hours later, we were pulling in at the church. That’s essentially my trip in a nutshell. I’m very grateful that I could go and for all that my Lord taught me.

Our Day in Omaha by Joseph and Jennifer

2009-03-09T08:40:00.000-07:00

Our day in Omaha, by Joseph, age 13

We went to the zoo with Grandpa and Grandma on Saturday. Josh and Josiah got soaked on the trip there. It was raining and the car was leaking.

When we got to the zoo we went to the desert dome. Then we looked at the butterflies. Then we went to the aquarium. Then we went to the jungle. I don’t really have a favorite thing, I liked it all. We saw a movie about the sea.

After the zoo, we went to Spaghetti Works but none of us got spaghetti. I ordered lasagna which is very tasty. I also had a sundae.

After that we went to Grandpa and Grandma’s house. When we walked in two of the cats ran off but Smokey stayed with us. Smokey is very playful. We loaded the car with the groceries that Grandpa and Grandma gave us. And then we went home.

I had a really nice day.

Our Day in Omaha by Jennifer, age 7

I loved Omaha! The zoo was great. First we gave our tickets and then we went to the desert dome. Then we went to the butterflies. They were so pretty. I brought my camera and my Dad picked me up and I took a picture of the butterflies. There was a huge one. It was so pretty. Then we went to the jungle. Hooo Hooo Roar Roar Tweet Tweet There was a funny monkey and it tried to get a leaf that the Mom had. It was a cute monkey.

We were going to go to the jungle trail but we didn’t have time because we needed to get to the movies. It was a movie about under the sea animals. A seal kissed me. It was a 3-D movie.

Then we went to Spaghetti Works and I got a huge lasagna. I could not eat it all so I had to take it home. I had cheesecake for dessert. Mmmm, Mmmm, my favorite…cheesecake!

Then we went to Grandpa and Grandma’s house. The cats ran away except for one cat named Smokey who stood and stared at us. It looked like he said “What are you doing here?” but he didn’t really say that. We played with Smokey. Then we hugged our Grandma and Grandpa and went home. The End

2009-03-03T20:09:00.000-08:00

Many of you know about Barb Gorman, a friend of mine and a member of my homeschool groups. She is also one of the wonderful women who edit my Niche articles each month. The past two years, Barb has gone through more heartache and trials than many go through in a life time. In October 2007, she lost a baby girl at nearly full term. A few weeks later she was diagnosed with cancer. She spend most of 2008 battling a rare, very aggresive form of breast cancer. 10 weeks ago she was declared cancer free. Then, it came back with a vengence. I would really appreciate your prayers for Barb and for her family. Below are two letters. The top one is the last one that Barb sent out. The bottom one is from a member in my homeschool group who is oranizing some help for Barb and her family. Please do not feel obligated in any way to give but I wanted to lay this opportunity out there, just in case God lays it on your heart to pray for Barb or even contribute.

Hi all. Thank you for your prayers, I can't tell you how much that helps strengthen us. We're starting to see doors close and open for treatment options.

Each time of talking with the doctors reveals more information. Most of which I really didn't want to know. They gave me a life expectancy today that I wasn't happy about, and I've decided that I'm not going to accept it or believe it. God is all powerful and can do all things.

At this time we've decided to go to Wichita for vitamin C IV therapy. I want to do therapy that won't ruin my health, but is healing. If nothing else, I don't want the therapy to wipe me out and leave me on the couch nauseous. Pretty much everything we're looking at is alternative therapy. I really don't have a peace about taking chemo again. (the insurance company is probably thrilled! chemo cost them a fortune last year!)

We're doing (my husband is doing all the work) juicing, enzymes, probiotics, Razz Tabs and several other things.

With the complications of the liver cancer, I can't take in all I would like to. The pain is increasing and my mobility is quickly decreasing. With the edema in my legs/feet and torso, I'm uncomfortable most of the time and am having difficulty sleeping. This and the liver are my most urgent prayers because this is where most of my pain is coming from. Please continue to pray for our family and for safe travel. The kids are having a hard time. There are fewer and fewer places they can hug me that don't hurt and to see the hurt on their faces, because of the pain on mine is hard to handle when they just wanted to show me love. Chris is trying so hard to minimize my pain and help out, he's running ragged. He has such a good heart and I was so blessed to have had God give him to me as my husband. Ruth has continued to find new ways to act out and cause turbulence in our home, it's her thing she does when things are stressful. She will be going to stay with a friend for a while to give us a break and a chance for peace around the house. Even the grandmas are needing a break at this point. We praise God for the gal helping us out.

Thank you so much to those who've sent cards and helped in so many ways. May God open His flood gates of blessings to you.

Barb Gorman
God is Good all the time.....All the time, God is good"You are the embodiment of the information you choose to accept and act upon. To change your circumstances you need to change your thinking and subsequent actions." Adlin Sinclair

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Dear SHEEPs group,

I have been praying about starting a fundraiser for the Gorman family, though I hadn't approved this through Barb yet. I talked with her husband this morning and he said it was okay if that was what I felt lead to do. She is heading to Wichita to undergo Vit. C drip treatments. All of the current treatments they are pursuing are an out-of-pocket expense. This treatment itself with testing will run between $4000-$4500. This doesn't include traveling and all that goes along with that.

I think most of their physical needs are met through family, but I am sure more help would be wonderful in the form of meals, etc. Mostly, parents are watching the children and providing meals at this point. I will provide the Gorman's address and phone number below. The phone number if you would like to bring a meal, you can call and check first. The address if you would like to send a donation. The most important thing we can do right now is faithfully pray for Barb and her family.

If we could somehow lift the financial burden, that would be helpful. My son, is working on a letter to go out to many people and churches in different parts of this country to ask for prayer (the number one need) and any financial support they are willing to give. Any of you could do the same. You could send a letter to your church or family or people you know, explaining Barb's situation and health and need.I am suggesting a gift of $100. I know times are rough, and many people have already given, so I am trying to reach beyond local friends and groups, but at the same time, not exclude local friends and groups.

If you would like to donate, you can just send a check made out to Chris and/or Barb Gorman to their home address. If you would like to donate anonymously, you could just send a money order.

Chris and Barb Gorman
5987 NE 88th Street
Altoona, IA 50009

Thank you for keeping them in your prayers and considering what you can do to help.

In Christ,
Mary Dorin
"Only fear the Lord, and serve Him in truth with all your heart; for consider how great things he hath done for you." 1 Samuel 12:24

Valentine's Day and Keepers at Home meeting by Jessica and Jennifer

2009-02-23T18:37:00.000-08:00

Valentine’s Day by Jessica, age 10
On Valentine’s Day the boys went to a Hawkeye basketball game. It is two hours away and they weren’t excited about the trip but they were excited about the game.

I bought everybody a box of candy. I got Jennifer some gummy worms. Mom and Dad got all of us some chocolate in a heart shaped box.

After the boys left, Jennifer and I watched a Little House. It was the one about when Mary went blind. Then we went to Burger King and each got something off the dollar menu. Then we went across the street to Walgreens. We got a little stuffed puppy. Jennifer and I split the money to buy it so we are sharing it. Then we were going home and we saw a loose dog. It jumped on me but it didn’t hurt at all. Then the owner came and took it away. I am glad the owner was there or I don’t know what we would have done.

At about ten minutes before the game was done we turned on the radio to see how the game was going. Purdue won. It was 49 to 46.

Valentine’s Day by Jennifer, age 7
On Valentine’s Day I had a great time. It was one of the best Valentine’s Day ever. Not the best, best but it was one of them. The boys went to a Hawkeye basketball game and they said it was kind of crowded. What we girls did at home was first watch the Little House movie, while Mom did the dishes. Then we went to Burger King and Walgreens. Mmmm! Then we came home and Jessica and me took our dog Pooch on a walk. Then we played with our friend LaShaye. Then we listened to the radio and the Hawkeyes lost by just a few points. We were actually expecting them to lose by a lot. We had Doritos chips and beans and for dessert these ice cream thingamabobs. Then the boys came home.

Keepers by Jennifer, age 7
I loved Keepers. It a lot of fun. I can’t wait until I am old enough to be a member. We went bowling. And I was on a team with two boys. They were the brothers of other Keepers. On one of the games they smoked me. On the other game, I smoked them. I got 108, with bumpers. Yahoo! Then we had some snacks. Mmmm! I even got a couple of Valentine’s even though I am not a Keeper. Then we went to a nursing home and Jessica and the other Keepers played bells. I didn’t get to. I sat on Mom’s lap. The teacher at Keepers brought her younger daughter Gracie. She is so fun and cute. She is five. When we were walking into the nursing home, she grabbed my hand. I thought that was cute. The End.

Keepers by Jessica, age 10
I am part of a girls club called Keepers at Home. Jennifer got to go to my last meeting. It was fun. First we went bowling. It was kind of scary because I knew I was going to lose because all the other girls went bowling a lot and I had only gone once when I was four. But I ended up winning. I got 110. There are 12 girls in our group. After the game we had heart cupcakes and heart jigglers and we all handed out Valentine’s to each other.

Then we went to a nursing home where we sang and played handbells. When we played the handbells one of the songs was God Bless America and everyone started singing. Then we all went home.

Why is my skinny 13 year old on a diet?

2009-02-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

About a year ago we began to hear about a "wonder" chiropractor. (Since I don't have his permission to blog about him, I will call him Dr. M.) We kept running into people who had been helped greatly by Dr. M. He helped one friend who had all kinds of health problems. She has zero health problems now. He also helped the autistic son of one of Jeff's co-workers go from non-communicative to conversing and making eye contact with his parents. Dr. M also helped a friend who has cancer.

We really wanted to take Joseph and Jennifer to Dr. M. Joseph because of his learning struggles and Jennifer because of all the health issues she has had this past year. However, he does not take any insurance and we did not have the money to pay out of pocket, so we took that to mean that the Lord did not want us to take them, at least for the moment.

Then a friend of ours, who goes to Dr. M, obtained some gift certificates for them to have a free initial visit. Since the initial visits are $200, we decided to take advantage of it and go ahead and take them. We later learned that we had misunderstood about Dr M not taking insurance. He does not file but he gives us the information we need so we can file, so I am thankful to say that our insurance will cover a good portion of it.

To make a long story short, Joseph will be going to visit Dr M for the next eight months (initially twice a week, then once a week and eventually every other week) and Jennifer will be going for six months (the same type of schedule as Joseph). Dr. M is treating them with adjustments, nutrition and supplements.

Dr M has placed Joseph on a very a very rigid detox diet for one month. Joseph can not have wheat or anything else with gluten. He also can not have dairy, eggs, sugar, peanuts, pork, beef or corn. After one month, he can reintroduce one of these items each week, in what ever order he chooses.

In the three weeks that Joseph and Jennifer have been going to Dr. M we have already seen improvements. Jennifer has been having two or three headaches a week instead of having them every single day. Her legs hurt much less often and she does not have any tummy aches.

It is harder to pin point exactly how much Joseph has been helped. We have noticed that he is stronger physically. He has also really blossomed in many ways. He is able to articulate his thoughts better. His reading speed has increased a bit. We know better than to expect any "miracle cures" but it is great to see these improvements already.

We are so thankful that the Lord led us to Dr. M. It has been really exciting to see the positive physical and mental changes in our children.

Boy's Day/Girl's Day

2009-02-14T13:33:00.000-08:00

Most of you know that Jeff is an avid Hawkeye fan. He has taught his boys well and they are also Hawkeye fans. Jeff has always had the dream of taking his sons to a real Hawkeye basketball game. Today, thanks to a generous Christmas gift from his brother's family, Jeff's dream is coming true. At this moment, Jeff and the three boys are sitting in Carver Hawkeye Arena, in Iowa City, watching the Hawkeyes play Purdue. I am listening to the radio and right now the Hawks are up, 8 -6! It would be great if the Hawkeyes won because Purdue is the better team this season (Shh, don't tell any of my men that I said that!).

While the boys are having their day, the girls and I had a special Mother/Daughter day. We watched a Little House episode and then we walked to Burger King together. We had a really nice time. The girls are having some sister time right now while they are painting.

Edit: The Hawkeyes lost by three points but it was a very exciting game! My men should be driving home now.

An Open Letter to the Stairs That Lead to My Basement

2009-02-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

Dear Stairs,

Would you please tell me what I have ever done to offend you? Why are you so mean to me? I know that I don't keep you as clean as I should. I know we walk all over you. But isn't that your purpose in life? Yes, perhaps I work you a little harder than the rest of my family but, hey, I work hard, too!

In case you have forgotten, let me remind you of how cruel you have been over the years. Aside from the minor falls you have caused me over the years, there have been some serious ones. In the year 2000, you made me miss a step and sit down hard, breaking my tailbone. The pain was excruciating and lasted for months. It was over a year before I could sit through a whole church service without having to stand in the back. I still feel pain when I sit too long.

Then, as if that wasn't enough, in 2003, you made me miss the last step and I sprained my ankle badly enough to go to the hospital for x-rays. My ankle swelled up like a softball and I hobbled around for six weeks.

You had gone several years without being TOO mean. I really thought that perhaps we could become friends. Yes, I had fallen a time or two but no major injuries....until this morning. I got up early, had my private devotions, made myself a nice healthy fruit salad for breakfast and was heading to the basement to check email while I ate it. Next thing I knew, my leg gave out from under me, my face hit the wall and there were oranges, blueberries and bananas every where. I sat there for several minutes gaging where I ached and how badly while hoping someone would come to help me (since you certainly didn't offer) but the rest of my family was still asleep. The side of my face hurt, my knee hurt, my big toe hurt and my ankle hurt. I felt something run down the side of my face, touched it and realized it was blood. I realized that my glasses were missing and I found them in a mangled heap beside me. I managed to get myself to the bathroom, where I saw the cut was actually quite small and not very deep, though it continued to bleed for some time. However, my face is bruised and my knee, toe and ankle are still sore. Thankfully, we managed to get to the eye doctor this afternoon and my glasses were fixable. Thankfully the rims were flexible and the glass was not broken.

All I can say is "Thanks a lot! You did it again!"

I know it can't possibly be that "Klutz" is my middle name. It is obvious to me that you have a personal vendetta against me. I think it is time that you grow up and put personal issues aside and do you job, which isn't that difficult. Your job is simply to get me from the top of the stairs to the bottom (and vice versa) in one piece. Surely that is not too much to ask!

Twenty Reasons I Read to My Children

2009-02-01T13:45:00.000-08:00

LI had a hard time coming up with an article this month. Every time I tried to think about what to write about, the Lord placed this old one on my heart. I revised it to make it fit the ages and stages my children are at now.

Reading to my children is toward the top of my priority list. I read to them on a nearly daily basis. We have a formal time of reading in our schedule but often the younger children will bring me a book and ask me to read it to them.

Once in awhile when the dishes and laundry are piled high and I am sitting on the couch reading to my children, I feel strong twinges of guilt. However, I only have to spend about 30 seconds thinking about why I spend so much time reading to my them and my guilt lessens greatly!

I READ TO MY CHILDREN BECAUSE....

1. ...Reading Builds Character.
When I read "Farmer Boy" to our children, I noticed our children became even more diligent in their chores. I Almanzo could do a man’s work when he was nine, surely they can do the dishes and take out the trash without complaining. Reading "The Five Little Peppers" helped my children learn to treat each other with greater kindness and respect. Reading biographies of Godly men and women of the past is a wonderful way to help them build character. The Trailblazer books and missionary biographies are great for this.

One note of caution, however, is that many children will take the written word very seriously. Many children will want to copy the characters but many of these heroes and heroines will have serious character flaws that I don't want my children to emulate. For this reason, there are some books that I will never read to my children (even classics) and there are some books that do not have them read until they are older.

2. ...Reading Can Lead to Discussions About How to Handle Life's Situations In A Biblical Manner.
This goes along with building character. As I read to my children, I often stop so that we can discuss what we have just read. I ask questions such as, "Instead of slapping Mary, what should Laura have done when Mary said that blond hair was better than brown?" or "Should Little Pear have wandered so far away from home without permission?"

3. ...Reading Builds Vocabulary.
Often while reading a story my children will ask me, "What does that word mean?“ Often I simply explain the meaning of the word to them, but occasionally we look it up in the dictionary. However, even if they don’t ask the meaning of a particular word, just hearing the word in context helps them to understand the meaning.

4. ...Reading Takes Our Children Places They Could Never Go In Any Other Way.
When you read to your children, they can visit countries that they will probably never visit in person. They can travel through time and “meet” people who have lived before. They can share the adventures of both fictional characters and people who really lived.

A friend of mine explains this so much better than I could, so I am going to quote her. "They can walk with God through the days of creation. They can run with David as he is hunted by King Saul crying out to a compassionate God who hears his pleas. They can experience the tender longing of Hannah, a 'hope-to-be' mother. They can hear the sorrowful words of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane and then the triumphant words of, 'It is finished!" They can run with John to the empty tomb and rejoice over the risen Savior who states, Peace be unto you."

5. ...Children Who Are Read To Will Be Better Readers.
Learning to read is much more difficult for some children than for others. I have proof of that in my own family. However, children who are read to will be better readers. If a child who struggles to learn to read is never read to, he will struggle much more. In fact, I would venture to guess that he will probably never learn to read well if no one ever reads to them.

6. ...It Teaches Them The Joy Of Reading.
I felt somewhat hypocritical writing that sentence because I only have one child who reads for pleasure. The rest only read what I require them to read. However, in spite of that, I still stand by this statement. At this point in their life, perhaps the other four don’t enjoy reading on their own but they do know the joy of reading because we read to him.

7. ...It Expands Their Imaginations.
It is very common to see my children acting out what we have read to them. They have made many trips across the plains in covered wagons. They have slept on k'anks from old world China. They have sailed ships across the sea. They have built forts. They have lived in lighthouses. They have climbed high mountains. They have gone after the cows. They have held court. And have done all of this without leaving our house and yard. All of these imaginary games have been sparked books that we read to them.

8. ...It Teaches Geography.
We have a world map on the wall in the basement and a globe. We also have a map of the United States of America on a placemat. The children have traveled from Wisconsin to Kansas to Minnesota to South Dakota with the Ingalls family. They know that Gladys Aylward lived in China. They know where the Mayflower landed. As I said earlier, reading takes them to places they may otherwise never visit.

9. ...It Teaches History.
Reading makes history "come alive.” Personally, I have learned more about history from reading biographies, historical fiction and other similar books to my children than I ever did from a textbook in school. I have nothing against history textbooks. They are important and there is certainly a place for them. We use history textbooks at our house. My point is simply that it is amazing how much history children will learn through literature. Many of the books that I read to them are historically based.

10. ...It Exposes Them To Good Writing.
Children who are constantly exposed to good writing learn to recognize good writing. It makes them better writers. As they learn to write they learn to develop characters and a plot line. To put it simply, it is hard for them to write well if they are not exposed to good writing.

11. ...It Teaches Science.
Not every book will teach science but many will. My children learned how a steam engine works when I read a historical fiction book to them. They learned how strawberries are grown when we read another book.

12. ...It Is An Opportunity To Laugh Together And Cry Together.
Alright, I will confess that I have never actually reduced my children to tears through a book (though I have choked up myself from time to time) but it is really something to see the emotions on their little faces as we suffer along with the characters in the book. And as far as the laughter goes, well, we have dissolved into laughter many times as we read a book. Sometimes we laugh so hard that I can barely continue reading.

13. ...It Teaches Them to Focus
Many parents allow their children to move around the room and play while they read to them. There is nothing necessarily wrong with this and it is a decision each family must make. Personally, I have our children just sit and listen while I read to them. (One of the times that I read to them is during lunch so they are eating while they listen.) We feel this helps them learn to focus and to sit still. It prepares them for other times in life, such as church, when they must learn to be calm and quiet and sit still. They don't have to be little statues. They wiggle about a bit. I do allow them to cuddle a stuffed animal and occasionally even let them draw while we read. Sometimes I even tell them to draw a picture of the story we are reading. However, for the most part, we use this as a time to teach them to be still and focus. One of our sons has a much harder time sitting still for long periods of time then our other children. We gradually taught him participate in our reading time by having him sit for about five minutes and gradually increased the time. It took him longer to sit through a church service than it did our other children but I really think that the quiet reading time at home really helped.

14. ...Buying Good Books Is Money Well Spent.
Financially, my husband and I are very conservative. We buy our clothes at Goodwill and DAV. Our children wear hand-me-downs. We buy generic brands of food. We live in a small house, especially for the size of our family. We have an older vehicle. As a one income family of seven, we have to be frugal and we are content to be so. However, for all the other reasons listed in this article, one area we "splurge" is on good books. Though we also use the library, I enjoy having all these good books available in our home any time we want them. I hope to read them to my grandchildren some day.

15. ...Reading To My Children Exposes Them To A Variety Of Literature
Once again let me quote my friend, "Reading to our children exposes them to a great variety of literature much like introducing our children to the great composers of music. Bach, Beethoven and Mozart are all classical music but each one is unique and carries it's own beauty". I don't think I can add anything that would improve on her words!

16. ...My Mom Read To Me.
I remember many happy hours listening to my Mom read to me when I was a little girl. Each evening before bed she would read a chapter book to me. This was the highlight of my day. It is my strong desire to pass this tradition on to my children. My hope is that my children will read to my grandchildren and my grandchildren will read to my great-grandchildren and so forth through the future generations.

17. ...It Is Fun!
This one does not need a lot of explanation. Reading to my children IS fun! Not everything in life is fun nor should it be. But I can't think of anything else that I do, on a regular basis, that is so fun and so rewarding at the same time as reading to my children.

18. ... It Creates Wonderful Memories.
My children will probably not remember if the laundry was folded immediately or if we had macaroni and cheese for lunch three days in a row. They will, however, remember the hours that my husband and I spent reading to them. It is my hope that, next to family devotions, this will be one of their fondest childhood memories.

19. ...It Is A Way Of Showing My Children That I Love Them.
Most homeschooling families believe in spending quality AND quantity time with our children. By taking time to read to them we are showing our children that we love them. It shows them that we care enough about them to take time from our busy schedule to read to them. It gives opportunity to "bond" with them. There is nothing quite as sweet as having my children cuddle up next to me and to see the rapt attention on their faces as I read to them.

20. ...We Love It.
I have to admit that I borrowed this one from yet another friend. However, this is certainly true with our family as well. We all really look forward to our reading time each day. Recently I could not read to the children for two weeks because of strep throat and we all missed it greatly. The children kept asking, "Is your throat better yet, Mommy?" At first I thought this was loving concern and was pleased with their compassion. However, the morning that I announced at the breakfast table that my throat was much better they began to clap and cheer and say, "Now you can read to us again!". Okay, we need to work a little more on compassion, but their love for reading is certainly heartwarming!

Before I conclude this article, I wanted to add one more thing. One of my editors (By the way, I could never write these articles without them. I am so thankful for their help.) mentioned that her sons do not always seem to enjoy listening to her read. I told her that I have a couple of children like this, too. I mentioned that I wanted to include that in this article but was not sure how to word it and I asked her if she had any suggestions. Her response was so much better than I could have explained it so, with Sarah’s permission, I am quoting her, “Not all kids will enjoy being read to and that can be a little disheartening to us moms. But we need to keep at it because it is like any discipline we want our kids to develop, whether it be learning to eat vegetables, cleaning bedrooms, or learning how to develop daily hygiene practices. It is for their good and it will instill good things in their minds. And even if we do have a child who is not overly fond of reading or being read to, there is always a chance that might change. But if we don't read to them, the chances of that child becoming a reader down the road are pretty slim.”

There are many more reasons to read to our children, but those are a few of them. I realize that not everyone's circumstances permit them to spend as much time reading to their children as I do. However, even a few minutes each day will bring many benefits and create wonderful memories. Reading to them is one of the best gifts we can give to our children. Happy Reading!

Six hours of educational DVDs, Sportsman Banquet and the A-Team

2009-01-19T13:21:00.000-08:00

Several months ago, I ordered some DVDs with lectures by Dianne Craft. They are about helping children with learning disabilities. I learned so much from Lynne Popp in Omaha in 2006 and I believe the principles I learned from her have really helped. But I know I can always learn from others who are experts in this area as well. Well, I had these six hours worth of DVDs and just had not had time to listen to them. I finally decided I was going to have to MAKE time. So on Thursday, we took the day off from school so I could watch them. Wow! My brain is still spinning from all I learned. I am anxious to start implementing some of her ideas. We will begin as soon as the materials I ordered arrive. If any of you are interested in learning more about her, here is her website: http://www.diannecraft.org/

On Saturday Josh went to a Sportsman's banquet with his friend Seth's family. Seth helped in a seminar that was given (he skinned a deer!). Josh really enjoyed it.

While Josh was gone, the rest of us watched an episode of the A-Team. We laughed so hard. I had forgotten how funny that show is. Not only were the intentionally funny parts funny but it cracked us up how a car would roll three times and then the "bad guys" would walk out without a scratch. Or someone would get punched hard in the face and not have a single mark on them. Watching it brought back a lot of 1980s memories. :-)

I have been tagged to write "17 Things About me"

2009-01-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

1. I like to eat ice cream in a glass instead of a bowl.

2. I have been pregnant 12 times (13 babies because Joseph has a twin in Heaven). Sadly the majority of our children did not live past the first trimester of my pregnancies.

3. I love rainy days.

4. I married my high school sweetheart.

5. I have lived in five countries (Mexico, Nicaragua, El Salvador, Peru and USA).

6. History is my favorite subject.

7. I love to travel and see new places.

8. I paint my toe nails but not my finger nails.

9. I am highly allergic to make up, perfumes, and most soaps.

10. I have this reoccurring dream that I am still in high school and will never graduate.

11. I don't like the winter! Especially when it is as cold as it is right now (-16 with -30 windchill).

12. I love Russel Stover's Sugar Free Peacon Delights!!!

13. I like mayo, lettuce and tomato sandwiches.

14. I have arthritis.

15. I have an unreasonable fear of creepy, crawly things like spiders and snakes.

16. Should I admit this? Okay, I will. I rarely make our bed. Jeff sleeps until 9:30 (he works nights) and by then we are in the middle of school and I never seem to get back into the bedroom to make it.

17. I have read the Little House on the Prairie books every other year since I was 11. I am reading them to my children now. I named my daughter after Laura (one of my daughter's middle names).

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!!

2009-01-12T18:35:00.000-08:00

Wow! I can't believe all the snow we have had. We got several inches on Friday night/Saturday morning and it turned muddy central Iowa into a Winter Wonderland. It is just beautiful. Today we received several more inches. For most of the day it was a soft gentle snow. The children and I kept looking at the window to enjoy the beauty of it. However, in the late afternoon it turned into a blizzard with strong winds and a windchill advisory. Not quite so lovely. I am praying that Jeff gets home from work safely at midnight.

On Saturday (after the snow stopped) Jeff and I went on a date to Perkins. We had a fun, relaxing time chatting and being quiet together. It was nice to chat without interruption and it was also nice to just sit and enjoy the quiet the rest of the time. We purposely went at a non-meal time (2:30) and the whole restaurant was quiet. Only two or three other tables were occupied.

Sunday afternoon, my good friend Sherry's daughter, Johanna (age 16) came over to spend some time with the girls. She gave them knitting lessons. It was Jennifer's first lesson. Jessica has had several now. She also made cupcakes with the girls and taught them some new things on the piano. At Sherry's request, I talked to Johanna in Spanish as much as possible while she was here (Johanna is taking Spanish 3). Later in the day most of our children and Johanna watched Secondhand Lions. Very cute movie!

So between the pretty snow, the date with Jeff and the visit from Johanna, it was a really nice weekend.

Brrrr! The wind is really howling out there. Even though it is warm in our home, I feel the chill to my bones when I hear the wind like that.

Children Who Learn Differently

2009-01-10T06:45:00.001-08:00

The Lord, in His great wisdom and sovereignty, has seen fit to give my husband and me some children with difficulties learning. They struggle academically in varying degrees from perhaps one “grade level” behind in a subject or two (who determines grade levels anyway?) to barely reading after years of hard work. One son has been diagnosed with severe learning disabilities. Even though they have not been tested, I know that two of my other children have similar issues, too, though not as severe.

I asked my son who struggles the most in school if he was okay with me writing about his struggles in this article. I told him I would not use his name but only say “my son.” He said “That is okay. Maybe it will help someone else who has trouble reading like me.”

For years, I struggled with the fact that some of my children are not academically “normal” children. I would hear other homeschooling moms talk about how intelligent their children were and how advanced their homeschooling children were. I would wonder what was wrong with our family, most of all, with me as a teacher. I knew that their academic struggles were certainly not from lack of trying on my part, but was I doing it wrong?

Gradually, for I am a slow learner in this area, the Lord has taught me that my only job is to be faithful. God has called us to homeschool our children. My job is to teach them with the best of my ability. The outcome is not in my hands, but in the hands of our Savior. That brings me more comfort and confidence than I can possibly express.

Over the years, the Lord has taught me many things concerning my children who learn differently. Here are some of them:

1) Pray, pray, pray! I cannot rely on my own strength and wisdom to help my child. I need wisdom from my Heavenly Father. So many times I have been SURE I should teach my child a certain way. Then, after prayer, the Lord has led me in a completely different direction. It is important to be open to the Lord’s leading, even if it goes against what we may think is best.

2) Forgive well meaning homeschooling moms who have completely “normal” children and are sure that if you homeschooled their way, your children would not have any academic struggles. They really are not trying to be arrogant. They truly do want to help. Over the years, I have learned to look at their hearts instead of the words that hurt me.
No one can completely understand something they have not been through. I have a friend whose husband was deployed for a year. I could sympathize and pray for her, but I could not truly understand what it is like to have a husband gone for a year, especially being in such a dangerous situation. Likewise, parents who do not have children who struggle in school cannot understand what it is like. They can sympathize and pray for us, and I treasure friends who do this. However, unless they have walked in our shoes, they do not fully understand.

So when another homeschooling mom, or anyone else, comes to you with the perfect answer for your child’s struggles (more often than not, it will be something you have already tried) just smile and thank them for their concern. Usually a polite “I am really glad that works for your family.” is all that is needed. I have learned not to go home and stew about it or think of “the perfect comeback” that I should have said to them. I remind myself that they have struggles in their life that I do not understand.
3) Certain homeschooling magazine articles can be hurtful. I have learned to avoid them. I don’t know how many times I have read stories about the “light bulb” experience. The story will tell about a child who struggled for years to learn to read and then one day he could suddenly read huge chapter books. That truly does happen. In fact, it has happened in my own household. One of my children went from haltingly reading first grade readers to reading chapter books in a two week period.

However, many children never will have that “light bulb” moment. Instead of a light bulb, it will be more like a slow-moving tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill that slides back two feet for every three feet it goes forward. We waited for years for my son who struggles so much to magically get that “light bulb” experience. It has not happened.

Gradually and reluctantly, I have come to accept the fact that my son may never will have that “light bulb” experience. He will probably always struggle with reading. He will probably never be able to have a job that requires a lot of reading. It has been a hard pill for me to swallow but a necessary and important thing for me to accept.

4) Rejoice in each little victory. I remember the first time my son read the word “of.” He was ten years old. He had struggled with this particular word from age six when we first began his long, difficult up-hill reading endeavor. I had shown him flashcards with this word. I had read him chapter books and had him read this word every time we came to it. He had rolled out this word with play dough. He had written it in sand and in salt. We had cut that word out of newspapers and magazines in many different fonts. Still, every time he came to that word in the books he would read aloud to me, he would not know it.

One day, after four years of working on this word, he was reading a story to me in his usual painfully halting and slow way. He got to the word “of” and he read it!! I held my breath waiting to see if it was a fluke. Sure enough, he got to the word “of” further in the story and read it again. I got so excited and I said to him, “Did you know that you just read the word ‘of’ twice!” He grinned and was as excited as I was. He saw my excitement and heard my praise, but what he didn’t know was that after he finished the story, I went to my room and cried. I was thinking, “I can’t believe I am crying tears of joy because my ten year old can read the word “of.” When you have a child who struggles so much, those little things mean the world to you.

I should tell the rest of the story. The next day, he could not read the word “of.” I didn’t say anything to him, but I was inwardly heartbroken. However, over the next few days, he read it more often than not, and eventually was able to read the word correctly every single time he saw it. That is what I mean about a tortoise going up a slippery, muddy hill.

5) As homeschoolers, we tend to avoid outside help. However, with my son, we came to the point where we knew we needed it. We went to someone who was highly praised by other homeschooling families who have children who struggle. She had helped their children and we were confident she could help our son. That proved to be true. This person gave us valuable information as to how to help our son with his reading and spelling, and we have seen definite, though very slow, improvement since then. I am able to implement these tools with my other children who learn differently as well.

I should caution though, that outside help, however good it may be, will not remove our child’s learning disabilities. The person that helped us was very upfront with us about this. She told us she could give us tools to help him with his particular disability (which proved to be true), but that these tools would not remove his disabilities.

6) Sometimes we get so bogged down in the academic struggles of our children, that we forget about helping them to grow to be more like Christ. It occurred to me once a few years ago, when my son was struggling greatly with a particular sin, that I should be far more concerned about his sin than I should be about the fact that he could not yet read. Yes, learning to read is crucial, but more importantly still, we need to keep eternal values in view.

Sometimes we are tempted to overlook behavioral issues with our learning disabled child. Yet, sin is still sin, no matter what their disabilities may be. We still need to help them grow and become more Christ like with each passing year.

Along the same vein, we should be careful not to pity our child who is learning challenged. We can encourage and help them to achieve the best of their ability. We can sympathize with them when they are discouraged, yes. But never pity them. It will cause them to grow up with a “Woe is me, the world is against me and so unfair” attitude, and that will not help them in any way, shape or form.

7) Another important thing that I learned is not to hold any of my children back from learning because they cannot read well. They can still learn so much about science, history, literature and most of all, God’s Word. I read to my children constantly. It is one of my favorite things to do. I read the Bible, great works of literature, science and history textbooks, character building books and just plain fun books to them. Often my non-strugglers will listen, too, even though they could read the material on their own.

They can also learn in other ways. They can still memorize Scripture if I help them orally. It may take my struggling learners longer to learn verses but they can still do it. We also do science experiments, take family nature hikes and do art projects.

8) I found that I did go through a grieving process about my childrens’ learning struggles, much like what I went through after each of my eight miscarriages. I went through denial, sadness, some anger and finally acceptance. It is difficult to see one’s child struggle so much and it is normal for most of us who have children with disabilities to grieve because of it.

The important thing to remember is something that a good friend of mine said after she went through an unimaginably difficult time in her life, “Run to Jesus, run to Jesus, run to Jesus.” There is nothing sinful about grieving or the Bible would not tell us to weep with those who weep. It is comforting to know that we can run to the arms of our Savior and He is waiting and ready to comfort us. I cried out many times to the Lord in tears and He heard my prayers and brought me comfort in many ways. He brought me hope and comfort through the encouraging words of friends and family, through passages of Scripture, and just from knowing that He cared and understood and loves my children.

9) It is very important to accept our children the way God made them. They may struggle in ways that “normal” children do not, but they are still precious children created in the image of God. If they get even a sense that they are a disappointment to us, it can leave scars that may last a lifetime. God created our children the way He wanted them to be. As hard is it may be to believe this, God loves our precious children more than we do. No matter what their struggles may be, they can be used of God and they can live a life that glorifies God.

Our children who learn differently have their own unique talents and strengths. We should help them develop those gifts to the best of their ability. My son who struggles so much with reading has a tender heart, is very good at crafts, is fascinated by medieval weapons, and wants to be an inventor some day. I have learned to really appreciate his gifts and to focus on those instead of worrying so much about what he can’t do.

One of my editors encouraged me to add something that I realized is very important. Sometimes it may be hard to see their gifts. I have a difficult time with this with one of my struggling learners. We can pray and ask God to show them to us so that in turn, we can encourage our child with the knowledge of these special abilities and help foster that talent or gift in their life.

I have learned not to talk about my children’s learning struggles except with people that I really know well and trust because it opens up my child for criticism and the possibility of being pre-judged. Plus, as I have mentioned before, I have come to realize that most people do not truly understand unless they have gone through it. However, I was sharing some of my son’s struggles with a close friend once. She said something that I always remember. She said basically this, “I am kind of jealous. If God feels you can handle a son with these learning disabilities, you are very blessed.” I have always remembered those words and God often brings them to my mind when I am discouraged.

It is also very important to remember that “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Teaching our struggling learners often seems overwhelming from the human perspective. I have often thought, “Lord, I can’t do this one more day.“ I can’t tell you how many times I have gone to my room and cried. That is exactly the time when I must run to the loving Arms of our Heavenly Father and ask Him for strength, mercy and wisdom to help my children.

God bless you as you homeschool your children, whatever their strengths and their struggles may be.

Homeschooling Through Trials

2009-01-10T06:42:00.000-08:00

Homeschooling Through Trials and Tragedies

A friend of mine just lost a baby. The miscarriage happened very early in her pregnancy. In fact she had only found out she was pregnant a couple of days before. However, when I learned that she has lost her baby, I knew her pain was very real and very deep. Memories of the ache of empty arms and the heartache that seemed overwhelming came back to me as I remembered my own eight babies who died before they were born.

In the first thirteen years of our marriage, we experienced one trial after another in rapid succession. We lost eight babies, were burned out of one apartment, flooded out of another, had a son undergo ten surgeries, I underwent six infertility and miscarriage related surgeries, I was on bedrest with problem pregnancies for months at a time and Jeff was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes. Those are only the “main” trials that we went through in those thirteen years!
Though past eight years have not been nearly as traumatic, our family has still gone through some additional trials. As I mentioned in a previous article, we have some children who really struggle in school. Also, in 2006 my husband broke his arm badly and was out of work for several weeks and my daughter’s foot was badly injured a few days later. 2008 was rough, too. A sweet niece was badly injured in a bus accident and my beloved father-in-law had a debilitating heart attack. That only begins to scratch the surface of the difficult year our extended family has had this year!

In our own home, our youngest daughter had a very rough year with many health problems which have been difficult to diagnose. In fact, in the middle of the night on November 20th, I watched as Jennifer hemorrhaged a huge amount of blood and was rushed into emergency surgery (thankfully we were already at the hospital when it happened). Waiting in the lonely, deserted waiting room, knowing there was a chance my little girl might not pull through, was one of the longest, hardest nights of my life.

That night, while I was waiting for Jennifer’s surgery to be over, I paced around the waiting room, unable to sit down, until I saw a Gideon Bible. I picked it up, praying the Lord would lead me to the right passage. I opened the Bible to Psalms, the book of the Bible I have always turned to for comfort when I am most afraid and sad. The Lord led me to Psalm 91. The whole chapter brought me great comfort that night and I would encourage you to read it but the two verses that spoke to me the most were verses two and five.

“I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust (vs. 2). Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day (vs. 5).”
Seeing your daughter covered in her own blood and having her rushed into emergency surgery in the middle of the night certainly does qualify as “terror by night” and I took great comfort that night in knowing that the Lord is my refuge and fortress and that I can put my trust in Him. No human being, not even my dear husband, would have brought me the comfort that those verses from God’s Word brought me that night.

The purpose of this article is not to make you feel sorry for the Stilwells (though we certainly could use all the prayers we can get!). It is to share with you some of the lessons I have learned along the way as we have gone through these difficult times. I fully realize that many of you could be writing this article and perhaps do a much better job than I can. In spite of the heartaches my family has gone through, many of you have been through far greater tragedies.
One lesson I have learned is that of compassion. While I used to feel badly when people went through difficult times, I can now empathize in a way that I would not be able to do if I had not been through some difficult times in my own life. When I talk to them or send them a note or card, I can speak and write as one who knows how deep a heartache can be. I know better than to brush off their hurt with a cliché or act like everything will be okay when, in reality, it may not.

Another lesson I have learned is to acknowledge the pain that others are going through. If someone has recently lost a loved one, I should not avoid eye contact with them when I see them in the church foyer. If my friend’s husband just left her, I should not avoid calling her. Saying the “wrong thing” is much less hurtful than saying nothing at all. When I went through my miscarriages, it was very hurtful when others ignored the fact that I had just lost a baby. On the other hand, those that sent me a card as if a real person had died (and a real person HAD died) or gave me a hug or told me they were praying for me brought me comfort and encouragement.
I learned not to expect others to understand completely. How could someone who had never had a miscarriage truly understand what it was like? How could someone who has children who are reading by age three understand what it is like to have a twelve year old who can’t read fluently? Yes, they can sympathize and pray, and I have dear friends who do both of those things, even though they have not experienced some of my particular trials. However, they can not fully understand, nor should I expect them to. Just as I do not understand completely what it is like to have cancer or an unfaithful spouse, because I have not gone through those trials, loved ones who have not been through my heartaches will not understand mine. Even those who have been through nearly identical trials will not fully understand because we all react differently and there are variables in each situation. Our Heavenly Father understands each and every one of my heartaches, trials and fears. In fact He understands them far better than I do. It is wrong of me to expect a person to understand or comfort me in a way that only our Lord can. Learning that only God, and no human, could bring me true peace through my trials was an extremely important lesson.

They say tragedy will make or break a marriage. In our case, I am thankful and grateful to say, that the difficult times we have been through have brought Jeff and I closer. We do not always respond to a trial in the same way but we have tried hard to support each other through each difficult time. We have learned to accept that the other one will not always respond the same way we do. I would be less than honest if I said that there have not been tense moments between us from time to time but, over all, our trials have brought us closer and made us stronger as a couple.

I have also learned that no matter what is going on, I cannot neglect my children. After my last miscarriage, I had four children ages eight and under. Not only was I emotionally devastated but that miscarriage had been my most physically painful miscarriage and it dragged out for six weeks. The last thing I felt like doing was taking care of children some of whom suddenly seemed to become clingy and naughty. I am sure they sensed my tension and they were also grieving. Feeding the children, educating them, disciplining them and showing them love seemed overwhelming to me at that point. Yet, looking back, forcing myself to care for the four living children that I had is what got me through the very difficult months following that miscarriage. I have many sweet memories of the four of them curled up with me on the couch while I read to them and having the ache in my heart relieved a bit by the four children I had to cuddle close to me. We had sweet chats about their tiny sibling in Heaven. (The Lord sent us Jennifer a year later and, though she didn’t replace the baby we had lost, she filled an empty spot in our hearts and brought us great joy.)

I have learned that many trials in life come in the form of having to wait. The longest, darkest moments in my life have been when I am waiting for answers. Many times when my body was threatening to miscarry one of our babies, I spend hours and days of agony, wondering of the baby would survive (sometimes I would go on to miscarry, other times I would not). As I mentioned before, Jennifer has had many health issues this past year. Some of the things she has been tested for are horrible illnesses like leukemia and multiple sclerosis. Waiting several days, sometimes a week or more, for the results of those tests was very difficult (thankfully, they all came back negative). Through all the months of her illness, seeing our little Sunshine Girl in so much pain was heartbreaking and waiting to see if anything we tried to do for her would relieve the pain was very difficult. Yet, I also found that with each trial, while waiting, I cling to the Lord like I do at no other time. I find myself praying constantly through out the day and spending time in His Word as often as possible.

I do actually intend to bring this around to homeschooling because going through difficult times in our lives definitely affects homeschooling in our home. As a homeschooling mom, it is my job to educate my children. Yet sometimes, over the years, the trials we have been through seem to get in the way of our homeschooling. This year would be a prime example of that in our home. With Jennifer’s extreme pain, doctor visits and tests, there were days when we have done little or no school. We did not finish our 148 days from the previous school year until late July of this year. (I gave my children two weeks off and then we started this school year.) At times it was very discouraging. Yet, I reminded myself that God is in control of our home. He knows and understands what is going on far better than I do. Apparently the lessons we were to learn from Jennifer’s illness this year were more important than the three R’s at this point in our lives. I need to remember that it is more important that my children learn to be Christ like than that they be scholars. During her illness, Jennifer has learned, at a very young age, to trust in the Lord, even in great pain. Her siblings have learned compassion and patience. We, as parents, have learned, yet again, that our children belong to God and are only on load to us for a little while.

One of the most important things I have learned is to ask myself “What can I learn through this that will help me become more like Christ?” As Christians, when we go through trials, becoming more Christ like should be our ultimate goal. I also have learned to ask myself, “How can I glorify God through this?”

I don’t know about you, but one of the biggest encouragements to me, as a Christian, is to watch someone go through an incredibly difficult time in their life, and seeing them trust God through it all and to see them come out on the other side closer to the Lord instead of bitter towards Him. That doesn’t mean that they won’t have moments when they are in the depths of despair and want to give up. Yet, they trust in the Lord through it all. I could write a whole article on people who have encouraged me greatly in my walk with the Lord by their testimony through tragedies and trials.

Last, but certainly not least, as I go through life’s trials, I need to remember the words from a friend of mine, Christine Scott, who was widowed at a young age and left to parent three little boys all by herself. Her words are simple yet say it all. She told me once that when life brings you to the depths of despair, “Run to Jesus. Run to Jesus. Run to Jesus.”

Homeschooling Frugally.

2009-01-10T06:38:00.000-08:00

Living frugally is a top priority for many homeschoolers. Most homeschooling families live on a single income. Often, the dad has chosen a profession where he can spend more time with his family so he does not have a large income. Because of this, homeschooling moms have learned to save a penny wherever they can. I will share with you some things that we do at our home to save money.
One thing we do is to keep our meals quite simple. This will not work for every homeschooling mom. Thankfully, my husband is a missionary kid who is not picky and does not mind eating the same foods on a regular basis. We eat beans and rice twice a week. I can feed the whole family for under $3 when we eat that. I vary the kind of beans and the flavoring so that it is not exactly the same thing every time. In the winter we eat soup two or three times a week. Most soups can be made cheaply, and if I vary the kinds of soup, the family does not feel like they are eating the same thing all the time. We also buy the cheaper cuts of meat such as chicken hindquarters instead of chicken breasts and ground turkey instead of ground beef. We do most of our grocery shopping at Aldi, which saves us a lot of money.

Rarely do we ever buy brand new clothes. My children are blessed to receive nice hand-me-down clothes from older children in our church. If they need more clothes we purchase at DAV, Goodwill or Salvation Army. While I admit some visits to these stores have been a flop, we have also found very nice name brand clothes, occasionally even with the tags on them.

We do not own very many shoes. Each of us own one pair of dress shoes and one pair of tennis shoes (occasionally more if they are given to us). The girls and I also usually own a pair of sandals and flip flops for the summer. I admit that owning only one pair of dress shoes can be a huge problem on Sunday morning when someone can’t find one of their shoes, but that is for another article on organization. Someone more qualified than me in that area will have to write that one!

This may sound a little too cheap to most people, but we water down our liquid hand soap, shampoo and dish soap. A little bit of water will stretch it a long way. When the bottle is about 1/8 gone, I fill it back up with water.

We try to keep most of our family activities cheap or free. When the weather is warm we go to a lot of parks and go on bike rides. When the weather is cold it is a little more challenging to find free family activities so we often play table games. When it snows, Jeff takes the children sledding. In fact they just went sledding this morning, with their cousins who live in Peru and only see snow once every five years, and they had a great time.

Another way to save money is to get most of our books from the library. We also pass down school books from child to child. I do not buy teacher’s books, workbooks or test booklets for science or history in the elementary years. I do not buy any teacher’s books for third grade and under. Having the children tell me about what they have read or having them write a paragraph on each chapter tells me that they are learning the material. Instead of spelling books, I make their spelling lists from words they misspell in their writing.

Teaching our children to be economical also saves a lot of money. Little things such as teaching them to turn off the lights every time they leave a room, or to use only the amount of soap and shampoo they need saves quite a bit. Having them save the leftovers that they were too full to eat at supper, for their next snack saves a lot of money over time.

Wearing sweaters or sweatshirts in the winter while we keep the furnace on low really helps cut down on the heating bill. In the summer we only use our air conditioner on the very hottest days and get by with window fans the rest of the time.

My husband cuts the boys hair and I trim the girls hair. I stretch my own hair cuts out to every three months by trimming it myself in between times.

I have found that in some areas I do save money in the long run by spending more to begin with. If I buy $4 nylons to wear to church, they will last me for six months but if I buy them at the dollar store, I usually only get one or two uses out of them. The same is true with the girls’ tights as well as socks and underwear. So there are times when spending more money up front actually saves money.

We keep Christmas and birthdays very simple. On their birthdays the children get $2 times their age. They can save the money or spend it, it is up to them. For Christmas they get three gifts, usually a book, a movie and a toy. Our children are certainly not deprived and seem to look forward to Christmas and birthdays as much as their friends who receive a lot more.

When we want to buy something, we ask ourselves a couple questions. Do we really need the item? Will life as we know it come to an end if we do not have it? Usually the answer is no. That does not mean that we never purchase anything that is not absolutely necessary but we are very careful about our choices.
One important thing is to think about what is important to us as individual families. I would be less than honest if I said our family never spends money that is not essential. There are certain things that are important to us as an individual family so we spend more money than perhaps is absolutely necessary in those areas. For example, to me it is very important to keep in touch with friends and family at Christmas time so, even though we could save quite a bit of money by not sending Christmas letters to over 100 friends and family members, I do so nearly every year. My husband is a diabetic so better quality running shoes and vitamins are important to him, even though we would save money by buying cheaper shoes and only having him take a multivitamin. Some of our children enjoy drawing and, since we want to encourage creativity, we do not scrimp on paper or pencils. Our oldest son is passionate about history and politics so we help cultivate this interest by helping him to pay his way to TeenPact and other worthwhile events like that. We want our children see new places and have new experiences so we try to take a family vacation each year, although we take it as inexpensively as possible. Since we value a healthy diet for our children, we also eat quite a few fruits and vegetables, although we usually stick with the less expensive varieties. Basically, this long, random paragraph is to emphasize that each family needs to prayerfully decide how the Lord would want them to spend their money.

I will be the first to admit that it is not always fun to live frugally. One minor example of this is that I really like beef and we do not get if often. It is much cheaper and healthier to make meatloaves, hamburger patties and meatballs out of ground turkey. To me, those things sure taste better when made out of ground beef! However, over time, my taste buds have adapted and I do not mind as much any more. That is not to say that I sure don’t enjoy ground beef on the rare occasions I get it!

One huge side benefit to being so careful with our money, is that our children have learned to be content with little. My children, like other children, have many sin issues they deal with. However, lack of thankfulness is not one of them. Since we only go to Burger King once a year or so, it is a really fun experience for them when we do go. Recently one of their grandparents bought each of the children a brand new store bought outfit. You would have thought someone given them the moon. When these kinds of things are rare treats instead of common occurrences, children appreciate them so much more.

However, even though we do “miss” out on certain things, the rewards far outweigh the sacrifices. Other than our mortgage, we are debt-free. We have the joy of knowing that we are being good stewards of the money the Lord has given to us. We also have the joy of being able to help those who are in need from time to time.

Everything we have belongs to the Lord. May God bless you as you spend His money for His glory.

Jennifer's life from Nov 17 to Nov 26

2008-12-08T19:11:00.000-08:00

Jennifer has been sick since February. She has had reoccurring strep which has caused strep to get into her system even between active cases. Because of that she has had severe headaches and leg pains. So, in an effort to help her not to keep getting strep so that she will no longer have the leg pains and headaches we had Jennifer’s tonsils and adenoids removed on Monday, November 17.

The surgery went well, though after it was over, the ENT came into the waiting room where Jeff and I were waiting and rolled his eyes and said, “Redheads! They always bleed more.” Other than that there were not any complications and we came home a couple of hours later. Right before we left, the nurse told us that if we saw ANY blood in her mouth or throat to take her immediately to ER. She said it was very rare to have that happen, less than 1%. I remember thinking ‘It is going to happen!’ It seems that if anything can go wrong with surgeries, they happen in our family, at least they have for Josh and me.

Over the next few days, Jennifer seemed to be quite uncomfortable and in quite a bit of pain. I assumed it was because she was only on regular Tylenol. The Tylenol with codeine made her throw up. I also noticed that she did not bounce back nearly as quickly as Josiah had done after his T&A but I assumed that was because he had only been four and Jennifer was seven and the ENT had said that the older you are, the harder the recovery.

Thursday evening Jennifer seemed to be in a lot of pain. She was crying that she wanted me and she said that her tummy hurt and her throat hurt. I thought perhaps it was that she was still recovering from her tonsillectomy but suddenly she began to cry hard and kick her feet in pain. She cried out that she had to go to the bathroom so I carried her in to the bathroom. As soon as I set her on her feet by the toilet, to my horror, she began to cough up blood into the toilet. In the background I could hear the phone ringing and the answering machine come on and Ginny Stratford talking into it. For some reason, in the midst of that awful scene, hearing the voice of a friend gave me comfort, though I obviously did not go answer the phone right then. All four of the other children were watching in horror, too. To see their little sister coughing up blood was truly scary. Both girls were crying and I was working hard not to panic in front of them.

My first thought was to call 911 but then I realized I would probably get there faster if I called Margie Blair or Rhonda Collogan (who both live within a two minute drive of our house) to come and take us to ER. Praise the Lord, Rhonda was home and able to take us. While waiting for her, I carried Jennifer to the couch and then I ran to get dressed (I had changed into my Pj\Js) and began to yell orders through the crack in the door, “Josh, you’ll have to babysit. Everyone go to bed on time. Don’t worry. Pray!” and I am not sure what else. Joshua’s calm demeanor and quiet answers calmed me down a bit. Jessica asked if she could come to ER with us so I told her if she was ready by the time Rhonda got there, she could come. Jessica and Jennifer are very, very close and I knew Jessica would not sleep anyway. I also knew that if I had to leave Jennifer for a minute at ER (to use the restroom or something) Jennifer would be okay with Jessica there to hold her hand.

Rhonda was there very quickly and I still didn’t have my shoes on when she pulled in. Jennifer was feeling well enough to walk out to the car and so she and Jessica went on out while I put my shoes on. I noticed that a pair of “my” shoes were by the front door and wondered why they were there and but was glad they were handy and I put them on and went out to the car.

I was so thankful to be going to the hospital with a friend instead of being in the back of an ambulance. I know that was much less traumatic for Jennifer, too. Talking with Rhonda on the way helped to calm me down. I think it helped the girls, too. They were both calm and not crying any more.

I found out later that, after we left, Josh gathered his two brothers together and they prayed for Jennifer.

At ER we were quickly taken to a room. When the doctor came in she said “We take this very seriously” and she said we would be there awhile. There didn’t seem to be any point in Rhonda staying and she had a trip the next day so after a little while she went home. I called Joshua and got Jeff’s work number and then called Jeff who said he would come. During all this time, Jennifer got an IV (she was very brave; such a little trooper!) and a blood and urine sample were taken. The Child Life lady brought in a movie for the girls to watch while we waited for the tests results and for the doctor to reach our ENT by phone. That distracted them which was good.

After about an hour, the doctor came back in and said that Jennifer was going to be kept in the hospital overnight for observation. Jeff arrived at the hospital about the time they were transporting Jennifer to a hospital room on the fourth floor. It was so good to see him!

In the hospital room, we were asked a few questions, shown a few things and Jennifer was settled into her bed. They decided to leave her in her clothes instead of changing her into a hospital gown because the IV was already in. Jennifer was very pale and very listless and did not want to talk. Jennifer always wants to talk. She is very chatty and always has something to say. So we knew she was not feeling well at all. By the time Jennifer was settled and the nurses had left the room, it was nearly midnight. Jeff and Jessica went home. Jennifer was wanting me with her so I sat by her and held her hand until she fell asleep.

After Jennifer went to sleep, I made the couch into a bed and laid down. Jennifer seemed restless in her sleep and I could not sleep at all. A nurse came in to get her vitals (which Jennifer slept through) and she and I chatted a bit. I learned that she is a devout Christian and that she has a son Jennifer’s age.

Right after the nurse left and I laid back down on the bed, I heard Jennifer say, “Mommy!” in a panicky voice. I jumped up and went to her in time to see blood literally pouring out of her mouth. It kept coming for what seemed an eternity but was probably only a few seconds. It went all over her, the bed, the floor and even a bit on me. I rang for the nurse but was afraid they would not come immediately so I ran to the door and opened it and yelled (yes, I really did yell!) to a nurse that was passing by (who was not even Jennifer’s nurse) that Jennifer was vomiting blood. Within seconds, there were four nurses and the resident doctor in the room.

Jennifer was pale and quiet while one of the nurses tried to clean the blood off of her. The resident told the nurse to move Jennifer to a chair and leave the blood on the bed so another doctor could see the amount of blood that was lost. I can not even begin to explain how much blood it was. The resident then called the staff doctor and the ENT that was on call.

At one point during all of this, Jennifer reached her little blood stained hand up and put it on my arm and asked me in a weak little voice, “Mommy, am I going to die?” I was in turmoil. My mommy-heart cried out inside of me. The whole thing seemed surreal…my little daughter, soaked in her own blood, asking me if she was going to die. I could not honestly tell her that she would not die. With the amount of blood, I knew there was a chance, small perhaps, but a chance she would not make it. Already the resident was talking about a transfusion. The nurse that I had chatted with earlier gave me a look that I think was saying that I should NOT tell Jennifer she might die. I took her little hand and said, “No, Darling, you are not going to die.” and prayed I was telling the truth. The nurse looked very relieved and patted me on the shoulder.

The resident told me that he had reached Jennifer’s ENT’s partner and that he would be coming down to do surgery on Jennifer immediately. They needed to find the source of the bleeding and cauterize it. So, within minutes after her episode, Jennifer was being wheeled down to the first floor for surgery. I held her hand as we went.

I was nervous because I did not know the ENT who would be doing the surgery. I was even more nervous when he arrived because he banged on the security locked door and had to be let in and asked where the OR room was(I found out later he normally does not do surgery at that hospital). But after he talked to me and told me what the procedure was and what exactly he would be doing, I felt confident that Jennifer would be in good hands.

When it was time for Jennifer to be taken into the actual surgery room, I squeezed her hand and told her I loved her and would be praying for her. I was then given directions to the waiting room. It was quite far away and I felt very uneasy to be that far away from Jennifer especially because I had to go through two sets of double doors that locked behind me. When I arrived at the waiting room, I was not even sure I was at the right place. It was deserted except for an oriental custodian who was cleaning it. “Hi!” He said, “You have someone having emergency surgery, yes?” Apparently people don’t go to that waiting room at 2:00 AM unless they have a loved one in emergency surgery. I told him that my daughter was in surgery and he told me to help myself to the TV and the magazines and then disappeared and I never saw him again. That whole part of the hospital seemed deserted. I could occasionally see someone down a hall in the distance but other than that, I was alone the whole time.

There was no way I could relax enough to read anything or watch TV. I paced around the waiting room awhile, glad to be alone so that I could pace and pray. During all of Joshua’s surgeries I had to sit quietly in a room full of people. I felt very scared and lonely as I wondered if my daughter would make it through the surgery. I don’t remember ever feeling so alone in my life. Even in Joshua’s two emergency surgeries (and all his other surgeries), Jeff had been by my side. There was a phone in the waiting room and I thought about calling someone but didn’t want to wake anyone up at that hour. There was really nothing anyone could do anyway and I doubt anyone could find me in that remote part of the hospital behind all the locked doors.

I had called Jeff when right before she was taken to surgery and told him I’d feel better if he stayed home with the other kids because I didn’t want Dad to just leave in the middle of the night. Even though Josh could babysit, I knew they (especially Jessica) would be terrified if they were awakened to be told that Jeff was leaving and why, and so I preferred to let them sleep. As much as I wanted Jeff by my side, I knew the best place for him to be at that hour of the morning was home with the children.

After pacing restlessly around the waiting room for a while, I finally saw a Gideon Bible and sat down to read it. I prayed that God would lead me to just the right passage. I opened the Bible rather randomly and it was at Psalm 91. Reading the passage brought me such peace that I was able to stop my pacing and sit and rest in the Lord while I continued to wait.

"He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him will I trust. Surely He shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler and from the noisome pesetilence. He shall cover thee with His feathers and under His wings shalt though trust; his truth shall be they shield and buckler. Though shall not be a afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flieth by day."

The words “Terror by night” seemed so right for the occasion. Having your daughter vomit massive amounts of blood in the middle of the night is indeed very terrifying. But after reading that passage and praying, I was able to give the outcome to the Lord and rest in the fact that God makes no mistakes.

I found out later that Jeff was going through pretty much the same thing at home. After I called to tell him Jennifer was going in for emergency surgery, he could obviously not sleep so he prayed. He was struggling, too. Jennifer has always been a Daddy’s girl and the two of them are very close. A few hours later when he was able to give Jennifer over to the Lord and told the Lord that what ever His will was, he would accept it. After that he was able to sleep.

Even though I now had peace about Jennifer, I was concerned that the doctor would be able to find me after the surgery. He obviously didn’t know this hospital and I had no way of getting back to the part of hospital where the surgery was taking place because of the two sets of double doors that had locked behind me. Thankfully, though, after what seemed an eternity, he came into the waiting room to tell me about the surgery. He placed a jacket in the one door so it would not lock behind him and something else, I am not sure who, in the other door, which I didn’t think much about the time but later amused me greatly for some reason. The surgeon told me that he had found a blood clot on her right tonsil bed as big as the end of his thumb. He had expected to lift up that blood clot and see the source of the bleeding. But when he removed it, he could not see where the blood was coming from because there was no active bleeding at that moment. So he ended up cauterizing the whole right tonsil bed. He said he would have felt much better about it if he had found the actual spot where the blood was coming from and that there was a chance he’d have to go back in to do another surgery if the bleeding continued. Though I did not exactly like what he had to say, I appreciated his honesty.

I was taken back to Jennifer who was still asleep. Her face was puffy and she still had dried blood on her much of her body and in her hair (they had only cleaned her face for the surgery) but she looked absolutely precious to me.

We were taken back up to the fourth floor again to her room. Jennifer slept until morning. I sat by her for a long time until a nurse convinced me that she would be okay and that I should get some sleep. I slipped off “my” shoes for the first time since we had left the house. I slept from off and on from 5:00AM to 7AM, though I woke up a bit every half hour when the nurse came in to check Jennifer’s vitals.

At 7:30 Jennifer opened her eyes for the first time since her surgery. She gave me a weak little smile and I asked her if she remembered what had happened the night before. She said “Yes, I threw up blood all over the place and had surgery. I thought I was going to die but I didn’t.” I found out later, throughout the day as she made comments that she remembered every single little thing in detail.

Jennifer still had dried blood on much of her body and matted in her hair. It was troublesome to her and definitely bothering me so I asked the nurse if I could give her bath. The nurse stayed around and helped me bath Jennifer. Jennifer was weak and wobbly but her coloring was much better than it had been in the night and she actually smiled a time or two. She had so much dried blood on her that the water in the bathtub literally turned pink.

I made a few phone calls to let those closest to us know what had happened in the night. I was disappointed I could not make any long distant phone calls to talk to any of our parents and it was one of the rare times I wished for a cell phone. Jeff had sent my Mom an email in the night because she was coming to see us Friday evening anyway, so when Mom got to work and saw the email, she immediately called me and so at least she knew. She called a little while later to tell me that she had left work early and was already on her way. Later in the day, I called Josh and asked him to send out an email to close friends and relatives to let them know what had happened. Joseph had not been feeling well so I called home often to check on him, too. He had a headache and was a bit dizzy but didn’t seem to be too sick.

I went to put my shoes on and was really struggling to get them on my feet. I looked down and realized that they were not my shoes! Jessica and I have very similar shoes and, in my hurry to get out the door the night before, I had grabbed her size 7 shoes by the door (she actually wears size 6, these are little big on her). Some how had enough adrenaline pumping through me that I had managed to get my size 8 ½ wide feet (often I even wear size 9) into these size 7 shoes at home, while Rhonda and the girls were waiting on me! As I thought back, I realized that my feet had been hurting through most of the night but that just had not been important compared to everything else.
Jeff and Jessica arrived, with Jennifer’s Teddy and Blanky, a little while later. Jennifer was still a little pale and didn’t have much energy but was much, much better she had been in the night. We watched her constantly for any signs of bleeding but that didn’t happen.

A Child Life Specialist came in and brought the girls several crafts to do. Jennifer sat up in bed and she and Jessica painted wooden horses and kitties, made jewelry and made door frames. It was so good to see Jennifer sitting up and able to do crafts.

I called home several times, mainly to check on Joseph, who had been sick the day before. He was still feeling sick but not too badly and Josh was handling everything at home. I was so thankful to have a son at home who was old enough and responsible enough to “hold down the fort.”

Mom arrived from Omaha in the late morning and Jeff left to run some errands. Much to her delight, Mom brought Jennifer a balloon and stuffed puppy. Then we waited and waited and waited. We were told that Jennifer could probably go home that day but we would not know for sure until the ENT gave the final answer and he had not been in yet. One thing we have learned, with all the surgeries and hospital stays our family has had is that life in a hospital moves very slowly (unless one is being rushed in for emergency surgery, which we have now experienced three times with our children, twice with Josh and now once with Jennifer).

So we chatted, the girls did crafts, Mom and Jessica went to get us lunch, we ordered soft foods from the cafeteria for Jennifer, we admired Des Moines tallest building and Grandma’s new car out the window, watched movies and I tried to ignore my aching feet.

I was very thankful to have my Mom there. She works in a children’s hospital and is quite knowledgeable about how things work there. It helped to be able to ask her questions about different things that were going on, plus the girls and I enjoyed her company.

In the early afternoon Pastor Humburg and Angi stopped in to see Jennifer. They brought her a stuffed lion and Pastor prayed with Jennifer.

Finally, a pediatrician came in and said that she would be releasing Jennifer because the ENT was not going to make it (we never did find out why). An hour after that, we had signed all the papers, been given the at home instructions and left the hospital about 4:00PM.

The next day, Saturday, Jennifer seemed much better. She ate soft foods and was even silly with her brothers and sister. On Sunday she seemed to be in more pain but not excessively so. She had a bad headache and her throat hurt but she talked us into letting her go to our annual church Thanksgiving dinner that evening. She only ate the inside of a cream pie because everything else, even the mashed potatoes, hurt her throat. As she sat across the table from me, looking peaked and pale and hardly eating anything, I knew it had been a mistake to bring her.

Monday and Tuesday, Jennifer was in unbearable pain. She cried off and on all day. When she was on the pain meds, the pain was bearable but as soon as it wore off, the pain was excruciating. It broke my mother-heart to see her in so much pain. I was also frustrated because I was having a tough time reaching her ENT to see if there was something we could do for her pain that we were not already doing.

We prayed for Jennifer all day and I sent out an email asking others to pray. The Lord chose to say “yes” to this particular prayer and on Wednesday, she woke up feeling much better. She was still in pain when her pain meds wore off but on them she was in very little pain. Her cousins from Indiana arrived that evening and she was in so little pain that she was really able to enjoy their arrival.

Thursday was Thanksgiving. Jennifer looked so much healthier and had so much energy, it was hard to believe she had been in so much pain 48 hours before. She was still not back to feeling completely healthy but was much better than she had been in a long time. When I looked into her sweet face that day, I knew one of the things I was most thankful for was that my little girl was still with us and that she was back to her normal sweet, cheerful self.

You Mean All that Character Training Eventually Pays Off? by Kim Stilwell

2008-11-03T05:52:00.000-08:00

Eagerly holding his number in his hand, my son was waited in barely contained excitement. As the woman by the table read off numbers, he anxiously waited to see if his number would be called. We were at the annual ice cream social given by my husband’s place of employment. Each year they give prizes to the employees’ children. Each child is given a number and then the numbers are called and the prizes are given to those children.

Suddenly, number 160 was called! My son beamed and went up to get his prize. It was a great big inflatable rabbit! However, before he could get to the table to claim his prize, a little girl, just as excited as my son, went up and claimed it. My son looked at me in disbelief and then showed his number to the person in charge. Upon investigation, it was discovered, that the little girl had made a mistake. Her number was 166 and she had thought it had been her number that was called. With trembling lips and tears in her eyes, the little girl handed the bunny to my son. Then I heard my son say, “She can have it.” I stared at him in disbelief, and then my heart flooded with joy! Like many children, this was a child who has struggled all of his life with “my rights” and putting himself above others. Now, he was offering to give his coveted prize to someone to whom it did not rightfully belong. The little girl smiled and thanked my son.

That was one of those moments in parenting when one feels like everything has been worth it. All those years of constant character training finally pay off! Obviously, first and foremost, the Holy Spirit was working in his heart that day. However, I would like to think that the years of working with him and teaching him that kindness and putting others first is more God honoring than demanding one’s rights had a little bit to do with it.

By far, the hardest task in parenting is training our children in Godly character. At one time in my life, I had a nine year old and four children under age six. It was all I could do to get through the day. If I managed to put three meals on the table, get a load of laundry done and homeschool the older two children, I felt that I had accomplished a great deal. Life was overwhelming. It was much easier to separate two squabbling children than to help them learn to work things out. I admit that sometimes I did just that. However, ultimately, helping my children learn to act in a way that is pleasing to the Lord needed to come first. It was more important even than laundry, their education and even more important than eating.

At our home, we try hard to work on character training. Does that mean that my children always behave perfectly? No, far from it. However, their mom has many character flaws to work on, too! Working on building a godly character in our children and ourselves is a life-long process.
Here are some ways my husband and I work on character training in our home:

1) The first and most important way is to focus on Scripture. Teaching our children the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) and I Corinthians 13:4-7 (patient, kind, not jealous, not boastful, not insisting on one’s own way, not irritable, not resentful, not rejoicing in wrong, bearing all thing, enduring all things) are two very good places to start. One key verse at our house, that we repeated every night before bed for years, was Ephesians 4:32, “And be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Proverbs is a gold mine for character building. Each evening before dinner, my husband reads a verse in Proverbs and expounds upon it to the children.

2) I often ask myself if my motives are pure. Why do I want my children to portray Godly character? Is it so that they will not embarrass me in public? Is it so that I can make homeschooling look good? It is to make myself look good? Or is my motive to help my children become more like Christ and to honor and glorify Him? Likewise, we try to instill in our children that their motive for good behavior should be to bring honor and glory to the Lord, not to bring glory to themselves.

3) We have family devotions four or five nights a week. Jeff reads a Bible story to the children and discusses with them how they can apply what we have read. We also read a chapter in the Bible together each evening. Jeff is very good at bringing the Bible to their level and helping them understand how they can apply the Biblical principles to their own lives.

4) This is the toughest one. One of the best ways we can teach our children to have a character that is pleasing to the Lord is to “practice what we preach.” Can I tell my daughter that she can not take her “grumpy feelings” out on the rest of the family when I am moody? Can I tell my son he needs to be honest if I fudge the truth from time to time? Can I tell my children how important it is to spend time in the Word when they never see me crack open a Bible between church services?

5) I love books and read a lot to my children. Right now, we are reading three books, one at breakfast and two at lunch. I also often read the children a bedtime story. That does not count all the reading I do in science and history for my child who struggles in school. Often, I am literally hoarse by the end of the day because of all the reading I have done that day. I try to have at least one of the books that I am reading to the children be a character building book. Some of our favorites are:

Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends
Wisdom and the Millers
Boyhood and Beyond
Beautiful Girlhood
Bright Lights sets
I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Do Hard Things
Missionary Biographies
Biographies of people who have overcome great difficulty

I have read most of these books to all of our children but some of these books are for older children and only my oldest son has read them, but I intend to have all my children read (or I will read the books to them) at some point.

6) We try to talk to our children about Godly character during non-confrontational times. If we only talk to them when they “blow it,” they may learn to resent “character building.” However, if we talk about it at other times, too, they are often more receptive and will open up their hearts to us. We often bring up character traits such as respect, modesty, kindness, diligence and others in casual conversation. It is amazing how open and transparent the children will become when they do not feel threatened by the conversation.

7) Proverbs says to give honor where honor is due. When our children do demonstrate godly character, we should let them know how pleased we are Not only that, but also how much they pleased our Savior at the same time. When my son gave up his prize to the little girl who did not truly win it, I later, privately, gave him a big hug and told him how pleased I was and how pleased the Lord was by his actions. He grinned and I knew that the encouragement would lead him to make other similar decisions in the future.

8) There are certain character traits we have been working on for years! It feels like we have been working with one child on laziness pretty much since birth. Another child, who hates having anyone upset, struggles with a desire to please people over God. If I am honest, I know that there are certain sins that I have struggled with my entire life. However, the fact that we will never achieve perfection on this earth is not a reason to give up. We should always have a desire to learn and to grow. We should also desire to become more like Christ with each passing year. The same is true for our children.

9) This is much easier to write than to do, but we, as parents, especially moms, need to be careful not to jump in and “protect” our children every time someone wrongs them. Obviously, it is our job to protect them and we should protect them from bullies, predators and peers that will lead them astray, as well as other dangers in life. However, if we rush to defend our child every single time someone wrongs them, we are harming them in the long run. We are teaching them to have a “woe is me” attitude. All our lives there will be people who say unkind things, rub us the wrong way, continually put us down and even lie about us. Our children need to learn to handle these situations from a biblical perspective. Instead of interfering every time someone crosses them, we need to help them learn to deal with the “problem person” in the way God would want them to do. Obviously, there are times when parents should interfere, but only in situations where our children cannot handle the situation themselves.

10) Character should always come first. No matter how late we are running in our school day, I always try to remind myself that ten years from now, twenty years from now, it will not really matter if we completed every subject in school with every child that day. However, if I allow my child to get away with telling a lie or mistreating a sibling, it certainly will matter years down the road.

Does the fact that we work hard to instill Godly character traits in our children mean that we have perfect children? Do they always behave in a godly manner, get along beautifully with each other, never embarrass us in public and are always mannerly and polite? Has a Sunday School teacher never approached us about our child’s misbehavior? If you know my family at all, you know the answer!

However, as the years go by, we are reaping the rewards of character training. When I see my son going out of his way to speak to the younger or shy boys at church, I know that our lessons on reaching out to others are paying off. When I see my children defer to each other in a matter, I realize that all those years of helping them work through their differences (and the three times of reading through “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends”), are paying off. When I see our son who struggles with anger, make a conscious effort to stop himself from responding that way, I know the years of helping him learn to control his temper are paying off. When I see my daughter offer a cookie to the neighbor girl who yelled at her an hour ago, I know the years of teaching the children to return good for evil, are paying off.

One word of caution; when we see our children grow in Godly character and behave better than other children behave, it is easy to become prideful. (On the other hand, our children humble us occasionally by letting their sinful natures show at the worst possible moment!) Perhaps some of you have met parents who have very well behaved children and they know it and make sure everyone else knows it. We should never compare our children to other families. If our “fall short”, we feel discouraged. If they come off looking better than other children, we become prideful. The only standard we should ever compare our children to is to God’s Word. In light of that, there will always be character work to do, both in our children and in ourselves!

May God bless you as you strive to raise Godly children for His glory.